


An Unexpected Cross to Bear

by Chameleon777



Series: Inner Loss [1]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Dominion War (Star Trek), Internment Camp 371 (Star Trek), Mpreg, Prisoner of War, Surgery, Unethical Experimentation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:36:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 58,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25922953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chameleon777/pseuds/Chameleon777
Summary: While imprisoned in Internment Camp 371, Dr. Julian Bashir was noticed simply because he was an Augment and the Jem'Hadar wanted to take advantage of his unique genetics through surgical experimentation. Now free of the camp, Dr. Bashir is left with a consequence of the experimentation and he must find a way to integrate that consequence into his life without causing too much of a disruption. Fortunately for him, his friends will not let him endure the experience alone.This serves as a prequel to 'Inner Loss'
Series: Inner Loss [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1879732
Comments: 7
Kudos: 24





	1. Surprise Burden

Interment Camp 371 was no longer his every day reality, but he still bore the scars and the burden of being starved, beaten, and experimented on. He was an Augment and the proprietors of the camp had found him interesting enough to subject to experimental, exploratory surgery. He knew something was inside of him, but he hadn't know what it was. He just knew they had implanted it into his body.

And he was now feeling ever-pressing symptoms of nausea, fatigue, and pure anxiety when people got too close to him. Medical tests he had performed on himself were showing an unusual result, but he couldn't bring himself to believe that they were true because he was physiologically a man and such a result was impossible for a man. The mere idea of it was ridiculous, but the results...

“ _Sisko to Bashir_ ,” a voice suddenly filled the combadge that sat on the chest of his uniform.

Julian scoffed irritably and waved the tricorder over his abdomen once more, an act he had first done when he spotted a fresh surgical scar there during his first post-camp shower. He had locked his quarters and spent several minutes scanning himself before coming to the conclusion that he had.

The results were the same and Julian felt scared; he couldn't be pregnant because he was a man and yet, the scan picked up an implanted uterus and a living being developing inside of said organ. He hadn't been aware during the procedure, but he had been told that Augments were useful for to the continuation of life in a way that normal Humans were not. Garak, Worf, and Martok had known something was wrong because he had collapsed shortly after being brought into the group cell and they had managed to help him rest as much as one could in such deplorable circumstances.

Now that he was back on Deep Space Nine, however, Julian knew he was in deep trouble with Sisko and the others because he had avoided a post-camp exam. He didn't know what to say or feel, but he knew he didn't want to see or talk to anyone right away. Swallowing hard, he removed his combadge and set it on his coffee table before silently retreating to the safety of his bedroom.

“Old friend, I'm in trouble,” Julian spoke softly as he picked his bear, Kukalaka, up from his place and held it tenderly to his chest before getting into bed. “I'm in trouble and I don't know what to do.”

Of course, the bear offered no reply and Julian quickly found himself succumbing to sleep.

*****

The door chime rang repeatedly, but Julian didn't stir. He was so tired and if he _was_ indeed pregnant, his recovering body needed as much rest as he could get. Sleep was so inviting right now.

A door slid open and quiet footsteps filled the air, “His bloody combadge is on the table,” a voice said.

“Chief, he's in his bed asleep,” a gentler voice spoke. “And he's got a teddy bear with him.”

Julian stirred and opened his eyes, profanities escaping his lips as he saw Miles and Jadzia standing in the doorway to his bedroom, “Sisko's been trying to get a hold of you for hours,” Miles said worriedly.

“I was tired,” Julian replied groggily, a yawn escaping his lips as he spoke. “What's the matter?”

Miles frowned, “You!” he replied worriedly. “You never checked in for an exam at Sickbay!”

Julian froze and suddenly became quite scared; if he went to Sickbay, they would find out about what had happened to him. The Federation would want to study him, take the baby, or cart him off to some scientific facility to see what the Jem Hadar had done to him. Tears pricked his eyes and he couldn't stop himself from breaking into anxious sobs; he didn't want to be locked away like some exhibit.

Jadzia's expression became one of concern and Miles looked uneasy, “What are you crying about?” she asked in a concerned, gentle voice as she moved over to the bed and sat. “Julian, you're _sweating_...”

Deeply afraid of being found out, Julian looked at his blanket anxiously, “I know,” he replied nervously, his voice trembling. “A sweat or two and tiredness are normal...in my _condition_.”

Jadzia's eyes widened in shock and Miles immediately looked concerned. Their looks felt so condemning to Bashir that he forced himself out of his bed and barricaded himself in the bathroom.

Miles swore and hurried over to the door, but he found it locked, “Julian!” he exclaimed worriedly.

Unfortunately, Julian's stomach chose that moment to lurch in response to the pregnancy and Julian found himself throwing up in his toilet. Silence filled the air and a wave of dizziness suddenly passed over Julian that was so severe that he quickly found himself in a slow spiral into unconsciousness.

*****

“ _...That's truly fascinating, but it's really of no consequence to what I need from him...”_

“ _...Really, Doctor Zimmerman, I don't suppose this little interview can wait?”_

“ _...Wait, this can't be right. His DNA's been resequenced...Oh, oh dear...Excuse me...I need to speak with the Bashirs right away. Excuse me, Captain Sisko.”_

Julian felt something cool press down on his forehead and he jerked awake, certain that he couldn't have heard the comment about his DNA right. Captain Sisko was standing beside the bed along with a concerned looking Nurse Jabara, “Doctor, how do you feel?” Nurse Jabara asked softly.

“What happened?” Julian asked groggily, frowning. “I locked myself in my bathroom...”

Captain Sisko nodded, “Chief O'Brien and Dax broke the door and saw you passed out, so they had you transported here,” he explained in a quiet voice. “Doctor Zimmerman was here, but he left...”

Julian nodded, “I suppose I also ought to congratulate you,” Captain Sisko spoke calmly.

“You...you mean it's real?” Julian asked weakly, sighing. “I thought the tricorder was....”

Captain Sisko nodded, “General Martok said you had been subjected to some sort of procedure while in isolation, but he didn't know what,” he replied calmly. “He just knew you weren't well from it.”

“I'm _pregnant_ ,” Julian spoke as if the word was a disgusting swear word. “About three weeks.”

Captain Sisko nodded, “I put a call into Starfleet once Nurse Jabara confirmed the news and asked if they could send someone who's familiar with interspecies and unique pregnancies to be your doctor since you will obviously need special care. You also need to start eating and resting more.”

Exhaustion and anxiety crippled Julian as he slowly sat up, but he felt considerably better, “Oh, your parents are on the station,” Captain Sisko spoke in a kind voice. “In guest quarters.”

“I...how do I explain this?” Julian asked in a trembling voice, sighing. “I can barely _believe_ it...”

Nurse Jabara gave him a reassuring look, “Well, I'd like to get you eating and drinking before I let you out as well as give you some prenatal shots,” she spoke calmly. “Why don't you get some rest while I do all of that? It'll give you some time to process everything without being crowded by others?”

As Captain Sisko left him to his privacy, Julian laid back down and allowed his eyes to close.

*****

“Captain, I know we should have been honest from the beginning,” Amsha Bashir spoke in an anxious voice as she, Richard Bashir, O'Brien, and an anxious Zimmerman sat in the war room together after O'Brien and Zimmerman had accidentally overheard the Bashirs talking. “Now, Julian is _exposed_...”

Richard Bashir sighed, “This is my fault and I want to do something to help him, Captain,” he spoke in a worried voice, his expression worried. “Please, don't let Julian lose everything he's worked for. I'd like a meeting with Starfleet to discuss what I can do so that Julian can stay doing what he's doing...”

Zimmerman, however, scoffed, “A _pregnant_ Augment,” he grumbled. “I can't do anything with that.”

O'Brien froze as his jaw dropped, Richard Bashir paled, and Amsha gasped, “How can Julian be pregnant?” Richard asked anxiously. “He's not a carrier and he doesn't have the right....”

“He was recently in a Jem'Hadar Internment Camp and the parts were surgically implanted into his body,” Captain Sisko spoke quietly. “He's three weeks pregnant and very scared about it all...”

Richard Bashir swore, “Oh, _Jules_ ,” he spoke worriedly. “Captain, I'll do anything to make sure my son's privacy, dignity, and career are protected, especially since he's now expecting a child...”

“I'll contact Starfleet JAG and explain everything,” Captain Sisko replied. “Julian is resting in the infirmary right now, but you can go sit with him. Doctor Zimmerman, Chief, I trust you can keep this...”

Zimmerman scoffed, but nodded and O'Brien sighed, “No wonder he was so bloody moody when Dax and I tried to talk to him earlier,” he replied with a sigh. “I'll talk to Keiko and see if we can't give him a few things to make this whole pregnancy easier. He's going to need friends even more now.”

Captain Sisko nodded and left the war room, his heart heavy for Bashir's situation as he silently made his way to his office. Although pregnancy was a joy, the circumstances under which it happened were not joyful and the fact that Dr. Bashir had been genetically modified illegally made things even worse.


	2. Consequences - 2373

It only took Starfleet 12 hours to reply. Sisko had wisely chosen to handle things privately to protect the doctor and his parents. Others had wanted to be included in the proceedings and show their support, but Sisko had ordered everyone to keep away. _Everyone_ had reluctantly obeyed orders.

During the 12 hours of waiting, Richard and Amsha had visited with Julian in Sickbay and reassured him that they would support him in whatever he chose to do. Julian had admitted his desire to keep it, but said that he also understood if Starfleet didn't want him to or if they wanted him arrested for being the ultimate freak of nature; a pregnant Augment. Even though his parents stayed at his side, helping him be as comfortable as possible, Julian was full of worries as he lay asleep on the infirmary biobed.

Nurse Jabara had given him nutrients for the baby and fluids because he had been dehydrated, but she had also recommended as much rest as possible for the time being. She had also put in an order to Quark's for food, but Quark had heard of the doctor's predicament and he was appropriately stunned.

“...Captain Sisko, I assume you've heard from Starfleet?” Julian suddenly heard his father asked softly.

A sigh filled the air and Julian opened his eyes, deeply surprised when he saw Sisko standing at the foot of his bed with his parents, “Captain,” he spoke grimly. “If you've come to arrest me...us...”

“Julian, you're going to be just fine,” Richard commented softly. “You're _not_ getting arrested.”

Sisko sighed, “Rear Admiral Bennett wishes to speak with you,” he replied calmly.

Julian slowly sat up, but Sisko looked at Richard, “If you'll follow me to my office, Richard,” he said.

Richard nodded and gently squeezed Julian's feet before following Captain Sisko out the door, “What's going on?” Julian asked groggily, feeling uneasy. “Why is Dad talking to Captain Sisko alone?”

Just then, Nurse Jabara came over to the bed with a tray of soup, biscuits, and a glass of juice, “I think it's about time you tried to eat, Doctor,” she spoke gently, setting the tray down. “You're looking better, but I don't want to let you go until you've eaten. After that, I want you off duty until tomorrow.”

“Julian, you must eat,” Amsha spoke anxiously as she sat beside the tray. “For you and for the baby.”

Julian nodded and ate in silence while his mother sat beside him, her hand over his free hand as he downed the meal, “You can go now if you feel up to it, Doctor, but I want you off duty completely,” Nurse Jabara spoke kindly, pleased that he had eaten. “No working on medical things either...”

Sighing, Julian silently got off the bed and was grateful when his mother put a protective arm around him as they left the infirmary. There was an uneasy feeling in the air, but the Bashirs simply returned to Julian's quarters in silence, “In case we have to leave, will you let me buy some clothes for the baby now?” Amsha asked softly. “Your father is trying to keep you out of harm's way....”

Anxiety filled Julian, as he was scared of what his parents had planned to protect him, but he nodded, “Um, we'd need to go to Garak's Clothiers for that,” he spoke softly, a sigh in his faint voice.

Amsha frowned at the anxiety in Julian's voice, “Do you need time with Kukulaka?” she asked softly.

“I'm feeling overwhelmed and worried,” Julian replied softly. “I...I also want to know what's happening.”

Amsha helped Julian sit on the couch, “Your father asked that we not tell you until it is for certain,” she explained in a quiet voice. “You, my Julian, need to rest and think about your health and the baby.”

“I'm _so_ tired,” Julian admitted softly. “The nausea's gone, but I'm just so _tired_...”

Amsha gently ruffled his hair, “Then you _must_ rest,” she replied softly. “Bed or couch?”

“I think I can't move another inch,” Julian replied sleepily, a yawn escaping from his lips. “ _Oh_...”

Amsha quickly sat and put the pillow from the couch on her lap, “Rest your head here,” she spoke in a soothing voice. “After you nap, we can go visit this Garak fellow about some clothes...”

Julian obeyed and immediately relaxed as his mother stroked his hair to calm his anxiety. He had a horrible feeling that his parents were putting themselves and their very lives on the line for him and the baby simply because they felt guilty about having genetically engineered him in the first place.

Thoughts of that, however, quickly slipped from Julian's mind as he succumbed to a deep sleep.

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

The sound of the door chime filled Julian’s ears and he opened his eyes just in time to see his mother, who had gently moved him fully to the couch, answer the door. Julian slowly sat up and felt a blanket slip off his shoulders, his confused expression fading when he saw Kukulaka on his stomach.

“Jules, did you have a good nap?” Julian heard his father’s worried voice ask. “You still look tired.”

Julian looked at his father and noticed that the man looked incredibly resigned, “What happened?” he asked in a groggy voice. “You…you had a conversation with Sisko and Rear Admiral Bennett…”

Richard Bashir sighed before joining Julian on the couch, “I’m going to prison,” he replied softly, holding his hand up as Julian acted as if he wanted to speak. “It’s already been arranged. Captain…”

The door chime suddenly rang again, “Come in,” Julian replied softly, feeling a sense of grief.

Captain Sisko came through the door looking pensive and Julian sighed, his anxiety rising because he had a feeling his parents would have to go shortly, “Rear Admiral Bennett and your father spoke, Doctor Bashir, and I thought you might want to know what they had to say,” Captain Sisko spoke in a quiet voice as he sat in a chair. “He asked me to relay the information to you because he doesn’t want to cause you undue stress in your condition and offers his sincere congratulations to your news.”

“My father said he’s going to prison,” Julian replied in a subdued tone. “ _I’m_ the one who was…”

Captain Sisko sighed softly, “Your father made a deal with Rear Admiral Bennett, as did your mother, and in exchange, you keep your freedom and your medical practicing rights,” he explained in a quiet, solemn voice. “Besides, Starfleet’s not going to make you spend your pregnancy in jail…”

“But?” Julian interrupted, feeling that there was more to it. “I have a feeling there’s more.”

Captain Sisko nodded, “Starfleet wants you to have access to a doctor that has experience with difficult pregnancies and they also want to keep you from getting too overworked,” he explained calmly. “They’re sending someone to the station and that person will share your load, but report to you.”

“And you mentioned my mother,” Julian spoke worriedly, frowning. “What _deal_ did she make?”

Captain Sisko sighed, “House arrest for a year and your father is going to the penal colony in New Zealand for two years,” he replied in a concerned voice. “Your assistant will be here in two days.”

Tears filled Julian’s eyes and he found himself crying, his already weakened body feeling overwhelmed by the reality that he would truly be alone for this strange experience that had been forced upon him. As much as he and his parents had fought, he had hoped they could at least be there for him now. He was a pregnant Augment and had _no_ lifelines; he would truly be alone to deal with these intense changes.

His father put an arm around him and Julian just let it sit there, “Do we have any time?” Julian finally asked in a shaky voice that was filled with sadness. “Or do you have to leave straightaway?”

“We have a little,” Richard replied softly. “I have to be on the last runabout of the day, though. Your mother has the choice, though, of remaining until the end of the week.”

Julian nodded, “What should we do with our time together?” he asked, trying to keep a brave face.

It was then that Julian noticed Sisko had gone, no doubt trying to give them time together, “We should go see that Garak fellow about clothes for you and your baby,” Amsha spoke eagerly, trying to keep the sadness and anxiety out of her voice. “We should spoil you and the baby with some gifts.”

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

The whole station knew of his Augmented status and of his pregnancy by now, Julian realized as he and his parents made his way on to the Promenade on their way to Garak’s Clothiers. People would occasionally stop and stare at him, nod at him, or quickly move away from him as fast as they could because they clearly didn’t know what to make of him now. He felt so unsettled about it all.

Garak was alone in his shop, his form bent over a sewing machine and Julian suddenly paused in the doorway. He had begun to look at Garak as a friend, but would Garak act like the rest of his so-called friends and distance themselves too now that he was outed as a pregnant male Augument? A _freak_?

“Excuse me, are you Garak?” Amsha asked the being bent over the sewing machine, breaking the silence that had filled the air. “Our Julian…he’s having a baby and we want to spoil them both.”

Fear filled Julian as Garak suddenly stopped his work and looked up at them with an expression of both curiosity and confusion, “Oh, is _that_ what happened to you at the camp?” Garak asked curiously. “It _must_ have been because you’re a man and cannot naturally get pregnant unless you're a Carrier. Martok _did_ mention you had a procedure _forced_ on you. He came to me to get his clothes fixed and he’s somewhere on the station now. _Charming_ fellow.”

“ _Yes_ , let’s see what you can do for them both,” Richard spoke, a fake eagerness in his voice. “Julian?”

Garak rose, “Oh, I have his measurements already,” he replied eagerly. “I can make comfortable enough uniforms for him that have room for growth, but he _will_ need some off duty and baby things.”

As his parents and Garak moved off to look at fabrics, Julian remained rooted to the spot simply because he was overwhelmed. He was going to be a _father_ ; a single father who didn’t have anyone in his corner and he would have to train someone on station procedures since he couldn’t keep doing his job at full capacity because he was pregnant. His parents were _leaving_ and he was being shunned…

His emotions were dangerously all over the place and he felt ready to cry, scream, swear, and outright collapse, “…Where did Doctor Bashir get to?” Julian suddenly heard Garak ask in a worried tone.

Julian couldn’t stop himself and he burst into tears, the grief of his parents having to leave and serve sentences proving too much to hold inside, “Browse the fabrics and let me know when you’ve decided,” an anxious voice filled the air. “My dear doctor, what on _earth_ is the matter? I… _oof_ …”

Unable to resist needing someone to hug, Julian grabbed hold of Garak and held him in a hug while continuing to cry. Garak stood still, briefly feeling awkward before he returned the hug and gently held the overemotional doctor while he cried. Several moments passed before Julian stopped and let him go.

“I’m sorry, Garak; I _know_ you hate public affection,” Julian spoke nervously, slowly edging away from Garak.

Garak sighed, “My _dear_ doctor, you’re going through something rather unique that’s _obviously_ traumatizing you,” he replied patiently. “Your parents also seem somewhat traumatized…”

Guilt filled Julian, but he couldn’t bring himself to express it, “The whole station seems to know by now,” he commented softly, his expression neutral. “A pregnant Augment is _definitely_ unusual.”

“So you’re a bit unusual,” Garak spoke quietly. “Who on this station isn’t unusual?”

Julian sighed as Richard came into view, “Your mother’s picking out fabrics and patterns, but I’ve never been one for shopping,” Richard spoke calmly. “We could take a walk while she shops?”

“A _lovely_ idea!” Garak exclaimed eagerly, smiling. “That will allow me to plan my own surprises for you and the baby!”

Before Julian could offer a reply, Garak gently shooed the two of them out into the corridor, “I’d _love_ a drink since I won’t be able to get one at the penal colony,” Richard commented softly, deeply amused.

“There’s Quark’s,” Julian replied softly. “While you have your drink, I’ll just have some tea…”

Richard smiled, “Excellent,” he replied in a mock cheerful voice. “That sounds like a lovely idea.”

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

It was the middle of the day, so Quark’s was quiet and therefore, mostly empty. Most of those who would usually visit the bar were either on duty or doing other things. Quark, however, was watching intently as the two Bashirs approached the bar, “Are the rumors true?” Quark asked hesitantly.

Julian cringed, “Rumors?” he replied, trying to see exactly what Quark knew about his situation.

“That you’re pregnant and genetically engineered,” Quark replied quietly. “Nurse Jabara…”

Julian sighed softly, “Yes,” he replied quietly. “I’m about three weeks pregnant.”

“Well, synthehol and alcohol are off the menu for you,” Quark replied firmly. “Congratulations, by the way. I’m sure you’ve already planned some sort of party with all of your friends…”

Julian frowned, “My _friends_ have been avoiding me since they found out,” he said bitterly as he sat on a bar stool and sighed. “This is my father, Richard. He can have any type of drink he wants.”

Richard sat, “Oh, just give me a martini,” he replied calmly. “Can’t be too drunk when I report in.”

Quark nodded and looked at Julian, “Just a glass of apple juice,” Julian spoke nervously. “How much?”

“Consider it a gift for your news,” Quark replied quietly. “Just sit tight and I’ll get those for you two.”

Just then, Keiko came into the bar having been told by Miles about Julian’s pregnancy over the brief lunch they had shared together. She was surprised that Miles wasn’t with Julian, as he had been talking about how he needed to talk to him and yet, he obviously hadn’t taken time to do it.

“Julian!” Keiko spoke warmly as she approached them. “Miles mentioned your happy news!”

Julian frowned, seemingly irritated that Miles had talked _about_ him while avoiding direct conversation with him. Keiko froze at the upset expression on Julian’s face and sighed, her expression sympathetic.

“I’m sorry, I _thought_ he talked to you,” Keiko spoke anxiously, sighing. “How are you feeling?”

Julian sighed, “My parents are being sentenced to prison and house arrest for my augmentation,” he spoke softly, unable to keep the news to himself any longer. “I’m going to be alone for this pregnancy and Starfleet’s sending another doctor so I don’t work myself into the ground. I feel all but abandoned right now…”

Richard sighed and sipped the drink Quark had left, but Keiko gently embraced him, “Julian, I’m _so_ sorry that Miles is being a jerk about this,” she replied in a concerned voice. “I’ll talk to him.”

Julian exhaled anxiously and yawned, “I’m suddenly tired,” he replied. “A side effect, I suppose.”

“It is, but you get used to it,” Keiko replied encouragingly. “Who…who’s this, Julian?”

Julian sighed, “My father, Richard Bashir,” he explained softly. “Father, this is Keiko O’Brien…”

As the two shook hands and began to talk, Julian turned to his apple juice and finished it quickly because his need to again rest was growing. Time was not on his side, however, and he had to ignore his need for rest because his parents would soon leave. He could and would make himself rest later.

“Ahh,” Richard breathed as he inhaled the drink with a flourish. “That hits the spot. What time is it?”

Julian sighed, his mind slamming back to reality, “You need to pack,” he spoke softly. “Can I help?”

“Julian, you _need_ to rest,” Richard replied as he turned to face his son. “You’re already tired…”

Without room for argument, Richard left Quark’s because he felt it best to start emotionally distancing himself in preparation for what was about to happen. Julian felt Quark and Keiko watching him worriedly as if they expected him to break; they _were_ concerned about him, but they were also _scared_.

Swallowing hard, Julian silently left just in time to see his father disappear into Garak’s to most likely convene with his mother instead of going to pack. His father had simply wanted to emotionally distance himself from his son and grandchild and the pure dishonesty involved hurt Julian deeply.

Keiko came out, fully expecting to talk some more, but Julian instead chose to flee to his quarters.

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

The door chime rang repeatedly, but it went unanswered simply because Julian lacked the energy or desire to do anything but lay in bed with Kukulaka on his chest. He had enjoyed a short rest before waking to a message from his mother that she had decided to go with his father on the runabout back to Earth to spend more time with him while he was still free. She had offered her apologies and her love.

Being alone with his unborn child and nobody to cry with was overwhelming. Since he was on leave until the next day, Julian felt like he had nothing better to do than lie in bed until it was mealtime and then he would replicate something in his quarters. Nobody wanted to be around his _freakish_ self.

Suddenly, the doors opened and someone came into the quarters, “Julian?” Julian heard Miles call out.

“I’m in bed,” Julian replied in a tired voice. “I’m not willing to get up. It’s too much of an effort.”

Miles wandered into the bedroom and frowned at seeing Julian in bed, “Keiko yelled at me for being a bad friend and I have been,” he replied apologetically. “You and your parents…they’re invited to…”

“My father left on the last runabout and my mother decided to go with him rather than stay with me,” Julian replied in a quiet voice, a sad expression on his face. “I’m a mess and I’m a _freak of nature_ …”

Miles scoffed, “ _Stop that_ ,” he replied in a gruff, annoyed voice. “You’re my friend and you’re pregnant, but it doesn’t change anything. We might have to stop drinking and do easier holosuite programs…”

“Of _course_ I have to stop drinking,” Julian replied softly, a sigh in his voice. “It’s bad for the baby.”

Miles planted himself on the edge of the bed, “Keiko and I are here for you, just know that,” he spoke in a concerned voice. “You didn’t ask for this to happen to you, but you’re _not_ alone in having to deal with it. You helped me with my situation and I’m gonna help you with yours. I _promise_ you that.”

“I…my mother chose to leave right away even though she had the option of staying til the second doctor came,” Julian spoke in a sad voice, his eyes filling with tears. “I know the whole augmentation thing divided us, but I was _hoping_ that this baby would perhaps bring us closer together as a family…”

Miles sighed, “You’ve got a family even if your parents don’t want to be here,” he replied firmly, his expression softening. “Sisko told us that a second doctor was coming to make sure you _both_ stay well.”

“I can’t even _remember_ the procedure,” Julian spoke softly. “I just remember waking up one day in the camp and feeling unwell. Martok told me that they had operated and put something inside me. I don’t know _what_ they did to make me pregnant or where they got what they needed to make it happen.”

Miles watched as Julian silently rested a hand on his abdomen, his expression one of acceptance as he did, “I’m having a _baby_ , Miles,” Julian spoke in a quiet, tired voice. “I’m _actually_ having a baby.”

A grin filled Miles O’Brien’s face as he placed his hand over Julian’s. It was the reassuring hand of a _firm_ friendship.


	3. Dark Reasoning

Two Days Later

As much as Julian had wanted to throw himself back into full-duty after being allowed to resume work by Nurse Jabara, his changing body simply wouldn’t allow it. He had struggled with morning sickness, afternoon sickness, hunger, thirst, heavy exhaustion, and a slight bit of pain in the last two days.

Despite his insane symptoms, Julian dragged himself to work at the regular time and did as much as he could sitting at his desk with a cup of herbal tea for company. He was quick to notice that anyone who came in would go to the nurses if the problem could be solved easily, but many of them would also engage him in conversation about how he was feeling. To Julian, it was obvious; nobody wanted to overtax him absolutely more than necessary, but they were perfectly willing to socialize with him.

“ _Doctor Bashir, the ship carrying your physician and new help is approaching_ ,” Julian heard Sisko’s voice filter through his combadge as he sat as his desk, silently reading a book on parenting. “ _If you’re not busy or too tired, I’d love for you to join me in greeting them and get to work from there_.”

Julian sighed and tapped his combadge, “I’m on my way, Captain,” he replied calmly. “Bashir out.”

As Julian rose, however, a sharp pain suddenly shot through his abdomen and he doubled over. The pain only intensified, so he staggered towards a bed. He forced himself to lay down, curl up in a ball, and instinctively placed a hand over his abdomen as if he hoped sheer desire would protect the baby.

_Little one, I’m so sorry._ Julian thought sadly as he lay there, allowing tears to fill his tired eyes. The nurses were all most likely at lunch or elsewhere on the station and his head was spinning too much for him to be able to use his combadge to call for help. He could lay there and if he didn’t move or speak, the dizziness and pain might eventually pass; if not, he and the baby could both be in danger.

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

Captain Sisko found himself concerned as he reached the airlock and found that Julian was not there as they had agreed. Dr. Bashir was always prompt and responsible when given orders, so this sudden deviation concerned him and he intended on pulling the doctor into his office for a chat later.

For now, however, Sisko watched as the airlock door opened and a youthful looking, brunette woman sporting a Starfleet Medical uniform came out carrying a shoulder duffel and two large cases. Her face was a healthy pink and her brown hair was done up in a braided bun on the top of her head while her Lieutenant pips sat securely on her collar. She looked tired, but eager to work and Sisko knew immediately that she and Dr. Bashir would most likely work well together during her time on DS9.

The woman immediately walked over to Sisko, “Captain Sisko?” she asked in a pleasant voice, her blue eyes shining as she smiled at him. “I’m Doctor Mary Grayson. I just got promoted to Lieutenant after spending some time in the Interspecies Medical Exchange. Starfleet said you needed me?”

“Yes, Admiral Ross mentioned you had joined the Exchange after graduating from the Academy and had a good amount of experience with special and interspecies medicine,” Captain Sisko replied in a pleasant voice, smiling as he shook her hand. “The Dominion War, however, has created a great need for whatever capable officers that can be utilized. You’ll be working under Doctor Julian Bashir…”

Dr. Grayson nodded, her expression now somber, “I heard about what happened to him at the internment camp and I’ll do what I can to help him through the experience,” she replied kindly. “I’ll also do my best to help ease his load as far as meeting the medical needs of this station go.”

Captain Sisko nodded and his eyes widened as Dr. Grayson suddenly took a dagger from her pocket and lightly slit her palm. She allowed the blood to drip on the floor, signifying that she was Human. She then pocketed the dagger, took out a dermal regenerator, and quickly mended her wound.

“I’ve arranged quarters for you,” Captain Sisko spoke calmly. “How was your ride from…?”

Dr. Grayson sighed, “I’d best check in that my prime patient is all right before I settle in,” she spoke in a professional voice. “I’m aware of what methods the Dominion is capable of using and I’m concerned for Doctor Bashir because of it. We can talk about anything you want once we look in on him.”

Captain Sisko nodded and led Dr. Grayson through the promenade, deeply surprised at her tone of voice and demeanor regarding the Dominion. She looked as young as Bashir, but she had obviously had some experiences with the Dominion or similar entities while in the Medical Exchange.

“…Doctor Bashir, can you hear me?!” an anxious voice suddenly filtered out of the infirmary as Sisko and Dr. Grayson approached. “He’s not responding! Bandee, get a fetal monitor on him right away!”

Captain Sisko frowned as he and Dr. Grayson entered the infirmary and saw Nurses Jabara, Bandee, and Tagara trying to help Julian as he lay on a biobed in a ball, “What happened?” Captain Sisko asked in an anxious voice. “He was supposed to help me meet Doctor Grayson and…”

“Let me see those monitors,” Dr. Grayson spoke firmly, dropping her bags in a heap on the floor before going over to the bed where Julian lay. “All right, we need to prep Doctor Bashir for emergency surgery right now if we’ve got any chance of saving both of them! Get me a gown and supplies!”

Captain Sisko’s jaw dropped as the nurses hurried into action, “I’m sorry, Captain, I’m going to have to ask you to leave for now,” Dr. Grayson spoke in an anxious voice. “I promise I’ll update you later.”

Stunned speechless, Sisko obeyed and found himself going to Odo’s office as fast as he could to update Odo on their new arrival and on the sudden emergency. Odo would help him keep gossip and snoopers to a minimum while Dr. Grayson did whatever she could to help their CMO and his unborn child.

* * *

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* * *

* * *

Several hours passed with no word and Captain Sisko had finished lunch with Jake and Kasidy before deciding enough was enough and returning to the infirmary. Odo was lingering just inside the doorway, his eyes on the biobed where Julian now lay with a medical gown and blanket covering his body. Dr. Grayson was standing beside the bed, eyeing several monitors while making notes on a PADD that she held in one hand. Odo gave Captain Sisko a look, but didn’t speak or try to kick him out.

Dr. Grayson’s bags were gone and Captain Sisko wondered what became of them as he moved over to the bed, “Well?” Captain Sisko asked softly. “I know something happened in here, but what?”

“The Dominion didn’t intend for this to be a _gift_ , Captain,” Dr. Grayson replied as she looked up at Sisko with a serious expression on her face. “It was obvious that this was intended to kill Doctor Bashir because of his status as an Augment. The nurses explained the bit about that to me during the surgery.”

Sisko nodded, his expression concerned, “ _Fortunately_ , both father and baby will be fine,” Dr. Grayson finished in a softer voice. “I used some tricks I learned in the Interspecies Medical Exchange and I rearranged some things so the uterus and it’s inhabitant are fully viable and won’t harm him anymore.”

“So the tiredness and all the other symptoms were the implant trying to _kill_ him?” Sisko asked.

Dr. Grayson nodded, “Yes, but everything’s working properly now and he is now physically capable of carrying the baby to term,” she explained softly. “The nurses were so happy about it that they offered to take my things to my new quarters and bribed that Constable Odo fellow into telling them where I was going to be living. I have a feeling that this child will grow up being very loved by this village.”

“…Noisy,” a weak, groggy voice suddenly spoke from the biobed. “Why…so noisy?”

Dr. Grayson sighed, “It seems the anesthesia’s wearing off,” she replied calmly as she moved away from the bed. “I need to update his chart, Captain. It’s best he wake to a familiar face….”

Captain Sisko remained quiet and still, offering a smile as Julian slowly came to and eyed him briefly, “It’s all right, Doctor Bashir, you and your baby are fine,” he spoke in a soft voice. “It’s all right.”

“We’re…fine?” Julian asked groggily as he closed his eyes simply because being awake was difficult.

Captain Sisko sighed, “Yes, your doctor arrived just in time to help both of you and you’ve had a little surgery, but you’re both very much alive,” he replied reassuringly. “The nurses also helped too…”

Tears leaked from Julian’s eyes and he sniffled before crying, “We’re _safe_ ,” he spoke in a sleepy, groggy voice as he shakily brought a hand to his abdomen. “It’s fluffy…why is it so soft?”

“Those would be bandages that I’ll remove once I deem you fit for release, Doctor Bashir,” Dr. Grayson spoke as she approached the bed. “I’m your new doctor…Doctor Mary Grayson…”

A snore suddenly escaped Julian’s lips as he drifted off, thoroughly drained by the conversation, “I haven’t told anyone besides Odo about this emergency and with your permission, I’d like to let them know now so they can be of help to Doctor Bashir once he’s released,” Captain Sisko spoke softly.

“You can tell them, but I do _not_ want whatever friends he may have crowding the infirmary until he’s fully coherent,” Dr. Grayson spoke firmly, giving Sisko a look. “While I’m sure his friends mean well, this whole experience and this sudden emergency have no doubt overwhelmed Doctor Bashir…”

Odo moved forward, “I can assure you they won’t,” he spoke firmly. “If you permit it, I can serve as a voice and protection for Doctor Bashir until he’s able to make decisions about visitors on his own…”

“That would be very helpful, as I am tired and I do need to get settled in my quarters now that the emergency is over, but aren’t you busy?” Dr. Grayson replied quietly. “You told me that you…”

Odo sighed, “I consider Doctor Bashir a friend,” he replied calmly. “I do not mind keeping him and his little one company so you can get settled on the station. If there _is_ an emergency, I will let you know.”

“Of course, Constable,” Dr. Grayson replied in a quiet voice. “Thank you for your kindness.”

Odo gave a nod and Dr. Grayson left the infirmary with Captain Sisko, “Is there any place to get something to eat?” Dr. Grayson asked in a tired voice. “I haven’t eaten in several days.”

“ _Days_?” Captain Sisko replied in a concerned voice, certain he hadn’t heard right. “Days?!”

Dr. Grayson gave Captain Sisko a look, “Food isn’t exactly in plenty where I’ve been, Captain,” she replied in a patient voice. “The war has stretched resources incredibly thin and those who are capable of surviving while going without must do so in order for those who cannot to get what they need.”

“Well, you _don’t_ have to worry about that here,” Captain Sisko promised. “What kind of food…?”

Dr. Grayson sighed, “Oh, _anything_ will do,” she replied calmly. “Don’t worry about me, sir.”

Sisko couldn’t believe his ears, “Doctor Grayson, I am the commanding officer of this station and it’s my _job_ to worry about everyone here,” he spoke in a firm voice. “Now, _what_ do you want to eat?”

“Something filling,” Dr. Grayson replied nervously, clearly taken aback by Sisko’s intensity. “I...”

They were at Garak’s Clothiers by this point and Captain Sisko suddenly paused, seeing that his firm tone and forcefulness had frightened the new doctor a bit. She suddenly looked unsure and nervous.

“Did…did I just hear someone say Doctor Grayson?” Garak’s voice suddenly filled the air.

Captain Sisko turned just in time to see Garak come out of his shop and freeze, an expression of pure astonishment on his face as he regarded Dr. Grayson, “My _goodness_ , look at you,” Garak spoke in a voice of awe as he smiled cunningly at Dr. Grayson. “They got you back in uniform, did they?”

“And _this_ is where you disappeared to?” Dr. Grayson replied warmly, relaxing at seeing Garak.

Garak nodded and he looked at the stunned Captain Sisko, “Captain, Doctor Grayson and I have crossed paths in the past and I can show her around the station,” he replied calmly. “What is she…?”

“She’s here to see Doctor Bashir through his pregnancy and also help ease his workload,” Captain Sisko explained, deciding to keep Julian’s medical emergency a secret. “You know each other?”

Garak smirked, “Yes,” he replied in a warm voice. “Doctor Grayson and I crossed paths when she was in her earlier days of the Interspecies Medical Exchange. She’s got _quite_ a fascination with all types of literature.”

“That reminds me,” Dr. Grayson spoke in a calm voice. “I did bring what you lent me to read with me…”

Captain Sisko reached into his pocket and handed Dr. Grayson a combadge, “In case you need anything,” he spoke calmly, wondering why she was open to Garak yet seemed afraid of him.

Nodding her thanks, Dr. Grayson smiled at Garak, “I believe I’ll go ask Constable Odo where my quarters are,” she spoke, seemingly feeling less tense now that her friend was in view. “I’m tired. It’s been quite a long day.”

When Dr. Grayson was out of earshot, Captain Sisko looked at Garak questioningly, “She seems to be very warm and friendly to you, but very nervous around me,” he observed softly. “Is there something I should know?”

“I’m not sure gossiping about your new doctor is the best way to get to know her, Captain,” Garak replied in a quiet voice, sighing as Dr. Grayson came out of the infirmary. “My dear, did Odo tell you where to go?”

Dr. Grayson nodded, her gaze firmly on Garak, “Well, then, I’ll make sure you get to your quarters safely,” Garak spoke in an unusually protective voice. “If you’re hungry, be sure to tell me and I’ll get you food.”

Nodding, Dr. Grayson stayed close to Garak as they walked away, leaving Sisko stunned speechless and full of concern for his new officer. Although she was very skilled and perfectly polite, why on earth would she trust Garak more than fellow Starfleet officers? He determined that he would personally investigate the reason _why_. 


	4. Heavy Burdens

It had been a few days and Martok had allowed himself time necessary to mentally recover, check in with his wife and other business, and then he had gone to see Captain Sisko about Julian. The Klingon had been given quarters on DS9 and he had collected himself rather quickly simply due to two facts; there was a crisis going on that needed his attention and he needed to explain the finer points of what had happened to Julian to Captain Sisko. It was doubtful that Julian would ever remember on his own.

Although Captain Sisko himself was very busy, he had quickly agreed to Martok’s request for a meeting and had invited both Odo and Jadzia to be a part of it. Odo would need to be aware of the details so he could provide protection to Dr. Bashir if necessary and Jadzia was a science officer, one who had to right to know the sciences of difficult things even if they did involve a personal friend.

“…I’m afraid I don’t know when they got the material or what happened to the unwilling donor, but I do know that Doctor Bashir was considered a suitable host for the experiment because of his Augmented status,” Martok explained quietly. “The Dominion knew before the Federation knew and I heard them talking about it. They said that the supply donor nor Bashir would survive and that the Federation’s freak would die just as horribly as the rest of them would, just a lot faster.”

Jadzia felt disgusted at that, “You didn’t expect to escape, did you?” she replied. “Nor did Julian.”

“I didn’t expect him to be brought out of solitary in his state, but he was and I knew he had changed,” Martok explained gruffly. “He was still a bit groggy, so I made him rest when it was possible and I never hinted to Worf or that Cardassian tailor that something might have happened…”

Captain Sisko nodded, “Doctor Bashir’s had surgery to keep the implant from killing him and he’s recovering now, but I’m sure he’d like to thank you for your help,” he spoke in a kind voice. “I’m sure Doctor Grayson will let you visit him as long as you don’t stay too, too long…”

Martok raised an eyebrow, “Doctor Grayson?” he replied gruffly. “I had no idea she was here.”

“Do you know her?” Odo asked curiously, deeply intrigued. “I wasn’t aware.”

Martok sighed, “One of the most brilliant minds to ever grace the Interspecies Medical Exchange, but even brilliant minds have pasts they need to get away from,” he mused in a gruff voice before getting up. “I suppose I should see both of them. Captain, if there’s no more need for my information…”

His curiosity peaked, Sisko nodded, “I’d like to look in on the doctors myself,” he said, standing up at the same time as Jadzia. “If you want to come too, Dax, I’m sure Doctor Bashir would enjoy it.”

Odo, however, intended to go to the privacy of his office and see what he could find on this mysterious addition to the station. Martok’s comment had intrigued both curiosity and deep concern that couldn’t simply be dismissed. Odo almost dreaded what he might find, but he had an _obligation_ to find it now.

* * *

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* * *

The infirmary was unusually quiet, at least to Julian. He lay awake on the biobed, silently watching as people came to and from. He had been awake for hours, but he was more interested in observing how his newest staff member operated. Something he had noticed immediately was her explicit professionalism when dealing with anyone who came through the door; it was almost Vulcan in nature and she got the job done.

Her personality, however, was as secret as a hidden vault and she would find a way to dodge personal questions when asked them. Then, there was the aversion to touch that Dr. Grayson seemed to have; it was more apparent with male patients. She provided comfort through words and was reluctant to take hands or let anyone touch her. Who had hurt her in such a way that she didn’t like touch? Julian _knew_ that past physical abuse had to be the reason for how she acted and it made him sad, as he couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to be violent towards such a kind, tender individual.

“Oh, Doctor Bashir, I didn’t realize you were awake!” Dr. Grayson’s anxious voice, slightly apologetic voice suddenly filled the air as she spotted him watching. “How are you feeling today?”

Julian’s expression softened as Dr. Grayson approached him, “I’d like to know the same thing about you,” he replied gently. “I’ve been observing you for nearly two hours and what I’ve seen makes me wonder something. Who was it who hurt you and made you adverse to touch and to men?”

Dr. Grayson looked taken aback before she sighed and sat on the stool next to the bed, as she absolutely could not allow herself to lie to her new boss, “Even now, it’s obvious, is it?” she replied with a sigh. “Well, my parents were ultra-religious people who believed that women’s places were married and subservient to their husbands. I was married off at 16…”

“ _Sixteen_?” Julian replied in a soft, but shocked voice. “What about your schooling?”

Dr. Grayson sighed, “I was done high school by then and my husband was a Starfleet-hating farmer who lived in the sticks,” she explained gently. “Having children wasn’t an easy task, so I convinced him to let me go to school for something useful. Medicine would help us both in the long run, so I chose it and used it as a distraction to get through three years of a _very_ painful marriage…”

“Abusive, violent,” Julian replied softly, his expression sad. “That’s _absolutely_ terrible…”

Dr. Grayson sighed and held up her left hand, “I finally managed to get out of it when I was 19 after going several rounds of scraps,” she explained. “What happened…it was a _truly_ terrible thing.”

Julian, however, remained attentive, “What _did_ happen?” he asked softly. “A violent divorce?”

An expression of hollowness filled Dr. Grayson’s face, “I had brought home a cake to celebrate my 19th birthday and he didn’t like it,” she explained softly. “Never mind it was my birthday. It was frivolous and there was an argument that turned violent. I was a beaten, bleeding mess and he came at me with a knife, but I got the knife away from him and stabbed him to death. I called the police on _myself_ …”

Julian sighed, “I’m assuming the police saw it as justifiable, as did Starfleet,” he replied softly.

Dr. Grayson nodded, her tense expression relaxing, “When I graduated the Academy, Starfleet advised me to go into space as quickly as possible because my family was tarnishing my reputation through the media using the justifable homicide as a reason to paint me as a dangerous psycho,” she explained in a quiet voice. “The Interspecies Medical Exchange was as good a fit as any for a while.”

“Until I needed you to help me while I endure this pregnancy,” Julian finished softly. “Thank you for trusting me enough to confide your story in me, Doctor Grayson. I can’t imagine it’s been easy for you, but _we_ will work on things. I promise you.”

Dr. Grayson nodded, both surprised and relieved that Dr. Bashir wasn’t going to give up on her as she expected him to do, “First things first, I’d advise you to explain things to Captain Sisko and to Odo so they can help you as you need it,” Julian advised softly. “If Odo hasn’t read your file already.”

“Oh, I sealed my pre-Academy records so only I can access them,” Dr. Grayson replied simply. 

An amused chuckle suddenly filled the room, “Oh you _did_ , did you?” Odo suddenly replied, feeling slightly amused and concerned as he came into view with Captain Sisko. “Well, I’m not going to pry. It’s not my business unless you pose a threat.”

“She _doesn’t_ ,” Julian cut in firmly, his expression protective. “She’s taking very good care of me.”

Odo looked taken aback at the protective tone, but simply nodded, “If you can find someone to babysit you for the next few days, I might even let you leave the infirmary,” Dr. Grayson spoke in a calm voice as she got up from the stool. “I want you on bedrest for the next few days if I let you out, though.”

Just then, Miles slipped into the infirmary with some breakfast he had forced Quark to make for Julian, but he froze when he saw Sisko and Odo, “Busy?” Miles asked nervously. “I brought breakfast.”

“As long as we don’t have an emergency, it’s all right,” Captain Sisko spoke brightly. “Go ahead.”

Dr. Grayson watched as Miles brought a small covered tray over to the bed and set it up before taking the cover off, revealing some scones, Moba jam, some milk, and a small pile of scrambled eggs with appropriate cutlery, “Go ahead,” she encouraged Julian. “I don’t believe I know your friend…”

A warm smile filled Miles’s face as he turned to face Dr. Grayson, “Miles O’Brien, Chief of Operations,” he replied in a gallant voice. “I’m assuming you’re Julian’s doctor?”

“Doctor Mary Grayson, Chief O’Brien,” Dr. Grayson confirmed softly. “Nice to meet you.”

Miles nodded and Dr. Grayson silently moved into the office to update Julian’s chart and give the obvious friends some privacy. As she sat at the desk, however, Odo came into the office.

“Captain Sisko had to return to duty,” Odo explained calmly. “Do you mind if I sit?”

Dr. Grayson shrugged, “If you wish, but I am a little busy,” she replied quietly, working on the computer.

Undeterred, Odo sat and watched Dr. Grayson work for a few moments before Miles came into the office, “Um, Doctor Grayson, I was wondering if you’d let Julian stay with my family and I while he’s on his bedrest?” Miles asked nervously. “Keiko said I should ask and we want to help…”

“As long as you can keep him in bed and assist him when he needs the bathroom, I find no issue with that,” Dr. Grayson replied calmly. “He seems to like you and trust you, so I can release him to you. I want him in bed for at least two days and off duty the rest of the week. Do you think you can manage it?”

Miles nodded and Dr. Grayson promptly got up, offering the Chief a rare smile as she went back into the patient bay. Julian had finished the food and was looking quite surprised at himself over it.

“Chief O’Brien has offered to take you in while you’re on bedrest, Doctor Bashir, so there’s no reason I can’t release you,” Dr. Grayson spoke kindly, smiling at the man. “But I want you in bed at all times unless you have to use the bathroom and you _cannot_ do that unassisted for at least two days. After that, I want you off duty for the remainder of the week and going back to a safe level of physical fitness _slowly_.”

Miles gave Julian a look as Dr. Grayson quickly got a hoverchair over to the bed, “And, I want you to go to the O’Brien’s quarters in _this_ ,” she spoke sternly. “Eat, drink, rest, read, write… _in bed_.”

Julian nodded and allowed Miles to help him into the chair, not even caring that he was in patient pajamas. All of his casual clothes were in his quarters and he’d probably have to ask Miles or Keiko to go get him some proper pajamas and casual wear. His uniform was around, but _where_ was it?

“I’ll be by after you’re settled to make sure you’re behaving,” Dr. Grayson replied. “Take care.”

As Miles took control of the hoverchair, Julian began to feel tired and in need of another nap.

* * *

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* * *

_“…Daddy, why is Julian sleeping in the hoverchair?”_

_“Oh, Miles, you have to wake him and put him in bed. He’s going to get cold sitting there!”_

_“And just where are we going to put him? Keiko, what are you looking at me like that for?”_

_“I can share Molly’s bed with her and you can let Julian have ours, Miles. It’s the softest and best place for him to be right now. You can get a cot and stay with him. I’ll make sure he eats well…”_

Anxious babbling filled Julian’s ears, “Oh, Yoshi’s happy to see Julian!” an excited voice said.

The sound of the hoverchair moving across the floor stirred Julian even more and he opened his eyes just in time to see himself parked beside a large bed, “Is…is this your bed, Miles?” Julian asked groggily, frowning as his friend came into view. “I…I can sleep on the couch. You…don’t…”

“Keiko would kill me if you sacked out on the couch,” Miles replied worriedly. “Come on.”

Julian didn’t fight it when Miles moved him to the bed and tucked him in. Keiko immediately rushed in and propped Julian up with some pillows, “Thank you,” Julian spoke softly, yawning. “Both of you.”

“I’ve got to get back to duty, but I’ll get you some things from your quarters and that teddy bear you were cuddling a few days ago,” Miles replied with a smile. “Keiko will be around, though, if you need anything.”

Molly suddenly came into the room with paper, crayons, and a minidesk, “Uncle Julian, can I draw you a picture?” she asked in an eager voice. “Mommy and Daddy said that you’re not feeling good.”

“You can draw me anything you like,” Julian replied softly, sighing. “I’m feeling a bit tired, though, so would it be all right if I had a nap while you drew? Your drawing can be a surprise for me…”

Molly smiled and planted herself on the floor in view of Julian. As tired as he was, Julian couldn’t help but watch with great interest as Molly began to draw. Keiko smiled at them from the doorway.

“Is there anything you need right now?” Keiko asked softly. “Miles won’t be back here for _hours_.”

Julian nodded, “Kukulaka,” he replied in a quiet voice. “The teddy bear that Miles mentioned.”

Keiko smiled, “I can go get him and I’ll take Yoshi if you can watch Molly for a few minutes,” she replied warmly, thinking it utterly cute that Julian still slept with a teddy bear. “All right?”

Julian sighed and gave a nod, his tired eyes continuing to watch Molly draw as Keiko gathered Yoshi and left in search of Kukulaka. Watching Molly made Julian wonder what his child would look like and also how the Dominion even got the things necessary to implant a womb and child inside his body.

_How did they even do this and why did they do it?_ Julian thought anxiously, a feeling of intense dread filling his heart. He had been somehow rendered unconscious by Dominion surgeons, given a womb and the ability to hold a child, and now here he was pregnant. He was a pregnant Augment who was not at all prepared to have a baby. How could he take care of another when he himself had severe issues?

_My parents were so unhappy with what they got that they had me modified_. Julian thought silently, his anxiety and dread causing him to tear up. _I’m not even happy with who I am. What if I can’t be what this child needs and wants me to be?_

Hormones quickly got the better of Julian and he started to cry, disgusted with himself and his questionable abilities as a parent. Molly looked up at Julian wide-eyed, not sure of what to do or say that would help him feel better.

The door slid open and closed, “Captain Sisko heard you were here and told me to take a shift off unless there was an emergency,” Miles’s voice filled the quarters. “Hello? Who’s crying?”

Overwhelmed, Julian shifted slightly and covered his face with his hands because he didn’t want Miles to see him crying like a baby. Miles had been treating him weird since the pregnancy became a reality.

“Daddy, Uncle Julian’s crying,” Molly suddenly announced. “Why is he so sad?”

Baffled, Miles went over to the bed and sat, unsurprised when Julian suddenly clung to him, “Julian, what on earth are you bawling about?” he asked in a confused voice. “Are you in pain?”

“ _Wh..what if I’m a bad parent_?!” Julian sobbed into his friend’s uniform. “I’m…sssso… _ssscared_ …”

Miles sighed and awkwardly patted Julian on the shoulder, still not used to mood swings and hormones even though he had dealt with it from both Keiko and Kira, “ _The D-Dominion stuck this stuff inside of me and I’m a freak_!” Julian continued to sob anxiously. “ _I was a freak to my parents and…”_

“Oi, stop that bloody _nonsense_ ,” Miles spoke in a firm, but reassuring voice. “You are _not_ a freak.”

Julian, however, continued to cry into Miles’s uniform even when Keiko came back into the room having acquired Kukulaka from Julian’s quarters. Keiko hurried over to the bed, deeply worried.

“ _My…my teddy bearrrr_ ,” Julian wailed, eyeing Kukulaka through his tears. “ _Aaaah_ …he _hates_ me.”

Keiko quickly put the bear in Julian’s arms and Julian immediately lay back again, holding the bear close to him as he drifted off. The crying had tired him and he just wanted to have a good nap now.

Miles only let out a sigh of relief when he was sure Julian was sound asleep. It was going to be a _long_ pregnancy.

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Please read and review!


	5. Conspiracy To Protect - December 2373

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter covers the events of 'Call To Arms' with some unexpected twists and brief fluffy moments.

**Three Months Later**

Their descendants were now but a mere memory after the older Odo had changed the Defiant’s course to escape the barrier. Julian himself had been cautioned to stay on the Defiant because Sisko didn’t know how the planet might affect the baby. He had done so and then had reunited with his crewmates when they had returned, but they were different…less vibrant than before. Julian had learned the basic story, but he hadn't been there...so he was only left with many questions.

Since their return, the crew had been more distant from him and each other and Julian had only seen Quark after Morn had attacked him. The threat of the Dominion was growing with every day that passed, but Julian didn’t wish to focus on it because the stress wasn’t good for him or for the baby that was growing inside of him. He was four months pregnant now and tired.

It was that morning, as he lay in bed reflecting on his progressing pregnancy, that Julian realized he was at the point where not even his pajamas fit him comfortably anymore. Not that he was ungrateful; he just felt emotionally alone and his colleagues had seemed more distant lately.

“Well, Kukulaka, do you think I should get up?” Julian asked softly, gazing at the teddy bear that rested on his growing belly. “There don’t seem to be any emergencies and I’m not on today…”

Kukulaka didn’t respond, but Julian simply chose to get up and put a jacket on over the gray sleep pants and simple shirt that still fit him. He slipped his bare feet into a pair of slippers and let out an irritating sigh when he realized that his feet were swollen and his slippers too small.

The door chime rang and Julian sighed irritably, not wanting anyone to see him a mess and out of uniform, “Come in,” he finally said in an irritable tone. “I _hope_ it’s not an emergency.”

“Not an emergency,” Dr. Grayson’s warm voice spoke as the doors slid open, revealing her in a clean uniform with her hair in place. “Doctor Girani is on duty right now, so I thought I’d come look in on my favorite patient. Odo quietly told me where you lived and I come in peace.”

Julian sighed, “Nothing fits and I feel like a puffy _whale_ ,” he replied softly, trying not to whine or moan. “I’m _so_ tired.”

Dr. Grayson looked amused, “Well, you _are_ four months pregnant,” she replied, chuckling warmly. “I know you’re miserable, but why don’t we go to Garak’s? I’m sure he can help you find something appropriate and comfortable to wear? Have you had breakfast yet?”

“I’ve not and I’m nervous to walk around the station,” Julian replied. “How about you?”

Dr. Grayson sighed, “The mood in general is darker, but I’m managing,” she replied in a concerned voice, frowning at Julian’s pallor. “After Garak’s, I’m treating you to food.”

Julian nodded, “I’ll walk with you,” Dr. Grayson spoke warmly, taking his arm in her own.

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

“…It will take me some time to make this, but I’ll make it very beautiful,” Garak spoke in a reassuring voice as he looked up from the PADD at Rom and Leeta, also offering a smile to an enthusiastic Tora Ziyal as she lingered nearby. “You said your wedding is in two weeks?”

While the happy couple talked to each other and Ziyal, Garak hooked the PADD to his computer so he could begin to make a pattern. The room suddenly fell silent and Garak looked up from his work just in time to see a tired looking Bashir come into the shop on Dr. Grayson’s arm.

Rom and Leeta left the shop quickly because they had spotted Sisko and also wanted to give Dr. Bashir privacy. Ziyal, however, offered the two doctors a smile as she approached them and eyed his growing belly with interest, “I had heard about you, but I thought it was a rumor,” she said in awe at what she perceived as a medical miracle. “Jake Sisko’s been asking me about you…”

“Jake?” Julian replied in a confused voice, frowning. “Jake’s a writer…does he want a story? He wants to write a story on _me_?!”

Ziyal’s eyes widened apologetically as she saw Julian’s reaction, “Oh, Jake’s young and doesn’t mean any harm in asking, I’m _sure_ ,” she explained. “Your pregnancy is certainly worthy of…”

“Oh, I know it’s _unusual_ , but I’d rather not have it in the public eye any more than it already is,” Julian replied nervously, sighing as he tried to pull his shirt down. “I’m sorry if that’s rude.”

Garak suddenly came over to the group, “You’re not being rude, doctor,” he spoke in an anxious voice, suddenly feeling protective of both Julian and the unborn child. “Just protective.”

“Garak, Doctor Bashir’s ready for that surprise you’ve been preparing,” Dr. Grayson spoke in a kind voice. “Doctor, I’m going to scout out some food for us. Why don’t you stay with Garak?”

A mischievous look filled Garak’s face and he nodded as Dr. Grayson released Julian’s arm before leaving. Ziyal offered them an encouraging look before also leaving the shop.

“Garak, as much as I love our bantering, my feet and back are quite sore,” Julian replied in a tired voice, eyeing Garak suspiciously. “Do you mind if I sit for your little… _surprise_?”

Garak offered Julian a sympathetic smile, “I made you a maternity uniform and some off-duty clothes,” he spoke in a warm voice. “Why don’t you change into the uniform first so you’re more comfortable? You don’t look very comfortable in those sloppy looking pajamas…are you?”

“Not really,” Julian replied softly, his expression confused. “You _made_ clothes for me? How?”

Garak smirked, “During your little checkups with Doctor Grayson, she subtly took your measurements and potential measurements and gave them to me during our suppers together,” he replied in a sly voice. “Don’t you just _love_ Cardassian sneakiness, my _dear_ doctor?”

Julian was at a loss for words and kept quiet as he allowed Garak to help him to the safety of the changerooms. Garak also helped Julian change from his pajamas into the maternity uniform.

“You’re right, Garak,” Julian spoke softly when they were in front of the mirror with his pregnant body now covered by the uniform. “This is _very_ comfortable. Thank you.”

Garak smiled and Julian frowned as his feet and back suddenly began to ache with an intensity, “I think I should sit down,” Julian spoke in a pained voice, a hand on his back. “ _Backache_ …”

“Come, sit here,” Garak spoke anxiously as he gestured to a padded seat where customers could sit while they waited for clothes. “Just put your feet up if you need to. I was _careless_ with you…”

Julian sighed and situated himself on the padded seat, sighing as he felt the discomfort in his body ease considerably. His feet still arched, but he figured there was nothing he could do about that figuring that it was nearly impossible for him to even reach his feet anymore.

Garak, meanwhile, gathered the civilian maternity clothes into a bag and brought them over to Bashir, “I also have some special uniform boots if you want them,” he replied, eyeing Bashir’s slippers with distaste. “I don’t _think_ Captain Sisko wants you walking around in slippers.”

“Mm, that sounds like a good idea,” Julian replied softly, his expression suddenly sleepy. “Do you have a pillow? I’m tired and this bench is _very_ comfortable. I was up half the night…”

Garak sighed, but Julian managed to lay himself down on the bench before he could figure out a response, “Oh, my _dear_ doctor,” he spoke in a resigned sigh as he walked over to the bench and sat close to Bashir’s head. “I’m afraid I don’t have any pillows, but you may use my lap to rest your head. I don’t have anything pressing for the moment and you _seem_ uncomfortable.”

Yawning, Julian shuffled himself a bit and rested his head on Garak’s lap, closing his eyes to rest before placing his hands protectively over his growing abdomen. Garak let out a patient sigh before allowing himself to stroke Julian’s hair, a gesture to reassure the doctor he was safe in the shop even though everywhere else on the station was seeming more unsafe by the day.

“Rest well, Julian,” Garak spoke softly, busying himself with his PADD while Julian slept.

* * *

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* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

The Replimat’s lines were always long, but as people waited, they found themselves looking out any windows they could for signs of the Dominion. Dr. Grayson, however, didn’t bother looking because she found it pointless being scared, as it would detract her from being able to help wherever she ended up being needed should the crisis get any worse. She needed to be focused.

“Doctor Grayson, good morning,” a kind voice suddenly spoke from behind. “How are you?”

Dr. Grayson turned to see Captain Sisko behind her in line and he looked somewhat apologetic, immediately telling her that Dr. Bashir had indeed confided in the Captain about her past like he had said he would. His eyes were filled with remorse and his expression was considerably softer than it had been when they met, so Dr. Grayson decided to be likewise forgiving and smiled.

“I’m all right, Captain,” Dr. Grayson replied calmly. “Just getting breakfast for Doctor Bashir and myself. Well, I will be once this line moves. Everyone keeps looking out the windows…”

Captain Sisko nodded, “And where is Doctor Bashir?” he asked. “He’s off duty today, as are you.”

“Garak and I conspired to get Doctor Bashir a proper maternity wardrobe, so I left the doctor at the clothiers,” Dr. Grayson explained kindly. “I’m sure Garak will keep him busy til I return.”

Captain Sisko looked amused, “Oh, I’m _sure_ he will,” he replied in a sly voice before his amused expression faded into a concerned one. “I admit, Doctor Grayson, I’m concerned for him and for his unborn child should things get worse. Have you two discussed some sort of emergency…?”

“There won’t _be_ a discussion on that because out of the two of us, I’m in a better position to stay here if there is an evacuation,” Dr. Grayson replied softly. “I’ve served on Cardassia in a civilian capacity and if needs be, I will stay here and use those skills. I will be making Doctor Bashir evacuate to a safer place if things get much worse. A plan _is_ in place.”

Captain Sisko looked surprised, “Have you told him that?” he asked as the line moved forward.

“My main assignment is to see Doctor Bashir through his pregnancy and to help him keep his child safe, so I will use that authority to get him out of danger if I have to,” Dr. Grayson replied in an unusually firm voice, her expression serious. “In that instance, I can _order_ him to leave and he will _not_ have the authority to refuse."

Just then, the line cleared and Dr. Grayson stepped forward to order, leaving Sisko deep in thought about their conversation. She knew it would have come up sooner or later, as the situation was getting worse by the day and Dr. Bashir’s pregnancy was progressing, but now that the words had been spoken aloud…she _hoped_ Sisko would respect her thoughts on the matter.

Sisko, meanwhile, felt his heart ache simply because he had expected Dr. Grayson to put herself directly in the danger for Dr. Bashir, but he hadn’t expected her to do it so soon. The idea hurt.

* * *

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* * *

* * *

* * *

The nap had been short, but Julian woke feeling rested and neither he nor Garak had spoken about Julian’s need to use the Cardassian’s lap for a pillow, but the mood in the shop was a warm one despite all the darkness elsewhere. Now that he was rested, Julian was sitting upright and watching Garak gently fit him with a pair of uniform socks and boots that would accommodate the changes to his body that pregnancy was causing. Where the items had come from was a mystery, but Julian found himself very happy to finally have comfortable fitting footwear.

“I’ll have to take you and Dr. Grayson to dinner at Vic’s to thank you both,” Julian spoke in a groggy voice, smiling at the footwear. “I have plenty of credits for such an occasion…”

The sound of klaxons suddenly filled the air as lights in the corridor flashed red, “ _All senior staff to the briefing room_ ,” a voice suddenly announced. “ _All senior staff to the briefing room_.”

Swearing loudly, Julian slowly got up and reached for the bag of maternity clothes, but Garak took them, “I can have them delivered to your quarters,” Garak spoke calmly, knowing full well that he and Dr. Grayson would soon be having more words about Julian. “You best get going.”

Julian nodded and quickly made his way to the briefing room, unsurprised when he was the last one there. The meeting was short and then he found himself sent off to the infirmary to help prepare medkits with Jake as an overeager assistant along with the rest of the medical staff, but Dr. Grayson was nowhere to be found. What on earth had she been doing during the meeting?

Jake babbled endlessly about getting a story from the war and Julian found himself strangely worried; would he and his baby truly be all right in this chaos? Julian’s mind was so heavy with concern that he didn’t notice someone wander into the infirmary and subtly grab him by the arm.

“Miles, I’m a _little_ busy here,” Julian spoke briskly, freezing when he suddenly felt a phaser pressed against his head. “What do you think you’re _doing_ , Miles?! This isn’t funny!”

Julian suddenly felt himself being forcefully escorted from the infirmary and marched down a darkened hallway. He found himself wondering if the Dominion had now boarded the station and if he and his child were now being led to their doom. Tears filled his eyes and he closed them.

“Oh, for heck’s sakes!” a familiar voice suddenly spoke. “You weren’t supposed to scare him!”

Julian opened his eyes and was surprised to find himself in his quarters with Miles and an anxious looking Kira who was holding a phaser. He immediately noticed that his personal things, including Kukulaka, were gone and that Miles was holding a familiar suitcase in his hand.

“Captain Sisko’s ordered us to evacuate the station,” Miles spoke grimly. “Rom and Leeta also had a small wedding while you were busy in here. Dr. Grayson had a _feeling_ it might come to an evacuation, so she and Garak broke into your quarters and packed your things for you. Kira was supposed to find you, but I don’t know _why_ she took you at _gunpoint_ …”

Julian frowned as Dr. Grayson suddenly came into view in a dark pantsuit having discarded any trace of the Federation from her look, “We should get going,” he spoke worriedly. “Are you…?”

“Doctor Girani and I will be staying here,” Dr. Grayson spoke firmly. “She’s Bajoran and I am still active in the Interspecies Medical Exchange, so it’s safest for us to stay behind. We won't be targets for trouble, but you most _definitely_ will.”

Julian opened his mouth to protest, but Dr. Grayson’s glare shushed him, “You and your baby were my primary reason for coming here, Doctor Bashir, and I _promised_ Captain Sisko that I would protect both of you even if it came to sending you away,” she spoke firmly. “You two best hurry to the Defiant. Chief O’Brien, do remember what you and Garak promised me.”

Miles nodded, a firm grip on Julian’s bag as he linked his arm through Julian’s, “We gotta go, Julian,” he spoke in an anxious voice, his expression serious. “Everything you need is packed.”

As Julian was led from his quarters, he used his free hand to protect his growing bump from the feeling of dread that was overpowering him. He hadn’t expected such things so quickly and he had _definitely_ not expected Dr. Grayson to conspire with Kira, Sisko, Miles, and Garak to make sure he and his child were as safe as possible even if it meant risking their own safety.

* * *

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* * *

* * *

* * *

He was sharing quarters with Miles on the Defiant, but the bunks were incredibly uncomfortable and so Julian found himself resting on a cot in the ship’s Sickbay after dumping everything but his quarters. The ship was on its way out and he was feeling very shellshocked about everything.

“My _dear_ doctor, I don’t believe you ever got breakfast or anything to eat before all this chaos began,” a concerned, familiar voice suddenly filled the air. “I took the liberty, however…”

Julian scoffed, but slowly sat up and was surprised to see Garak standing near the door holding a plate full of simple looking sandwiches in one hand and a tall glass of juice in the other, “The replicators do work on this scrap heap, but I wasn’t able to get anything luxurious,” Garak apologized as he approached the biobed. “I told Captain Sisko you hadn’t eaten yet…”

“I just can’t _help_ but feel guilt,” Julian admitted, eyeing the sandwiches. “I feel like a _burden_.”

Garak raised an eyebrow as he sat on the stool beside the bed and held the plate out, his expression one of unusual concern and anxiety, “Wait, _this_ …looking after me… _this_ is what you and Miles promised Doctor Grayson, isn’t it?” Julian realized, ignoring the plate yet again.

“Julian, _really_ , I _will_ stuff one of these down your throat if you don’t eat something and _don’t_ think I won’t do it,” Garak spoke firmly, his expression suddenly firm. “Sandwich. _Now_!”

Taken aback by Garak’s sudden firmness, Julian took a sandwich and quietly ate it simply because he had no doubt Garak would follow through with his threat if he didn’t. Garak calmed immediately; he had made a promise to a _dear_ friend to keep an _even dearer_ friend safe and he was glad that his efforts were appreciated. Once Julian had eaten, Garak handed him the juice.

“Thank you,” Julian spoke only after he had drank the juice. “So…was this what you promised?”

Garak sighed, “I gave my word,” he admitted softly. “I’m not a doctor, nor do I know anything about pregnancy. However, I am strong in tough situations and you…Julian…are my _friend_.”

“As you are mine, _Elim_ ,” Julian replied softly, allowing himself to use Garak’s first name because such a quiet, private conversation was the appropriate place for it to be used. “I mean that.”

Garak nodded, “I’m the only doctor on board the Defiant and I don’t doubt that my services will soon be needed,” Julian spoke with a sigh. “How long was this whole plan in place for?”

“Oh, I have _no_ idea,” Garak replied calmly. “I was simply told what part I was to play in it.”

Julian nodded and impulsively grabbed another sandwich from the plate, all but shoveling it in his mouth as he sat on the biobed. His pregnancy and the anxiety he was experiencing over what had been done for him was making him _unbearably_ hungry. Garak simply smirked at that, but Julian found he didn’t care and emptied the plate of food.

“The bunks are so unbelievably uncomfortable, so I thought I’d rest here while I had a _chance_ to rest,” Julian explained in a tired voice, slightly breathless from eating so much so quickly. “ _Oh_ , that was a lot of food!”

Garak recycled the plate and suddenly pulled a tablet from his pocket, “You honestly look as if you could use a rest,” he spoke in a kind voice. “I did manage to bring a few novels with me. Would you like to be read to?”

“I know it sounds strange, but that would _absolutely_ ease my anxiety right now,” Julian admitted softly, sighing weakly as he cradled his growing abdomen in his hands. “I really can’t help but feel worried and guilty.”

Garak gave Julian a look, “Well, neither of those _petty_ emotions are good for either of you right now,” he spoke in a reassuring voice. “What I want you to do is just lie down and listen to me read. If you fall asleep, I will simply keep reading. The whole _idea_ of this exercise is to ease your anxieties so you can focus on helping when you are needed.”

Julian obeyed and stared up at the ceiling in silence as Garak began to read in a soft, lulling voice.


	6. Breaking Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place in-step with the episodes 'A Time To Stand' and 'Rocks and Shoals.' 
> 
> WARNING: Things take a turn for the worse.

** Three Months Later **

_ Poor odds of survival, a fight with Captain Sisko, endless patients, and I haven’t slept properly ever since this little one began to grow by leaps and bounds. Julian thought tiredly as he sat in the quarters he had been assigned to rest while Sisko met with Admiral Ross and everyone else got a brief chance to breathe. He knew that he was the only one who had been given specific quarters so his pregnant self could rest; he knew he was being treated differently on purpose. _

__

_ At least that’s what he’d think if he were awake to care. As soon as he had been shown quarters, however, Julian had immediately retired to the bed for rest. Miles hadn’t let him take his bag, so he only had his uniform with him, but it’s all he needed and wanted for the time being. _

__

_ Over the last three months, Julian had done what he could for himself in the way of prenatal care and had found help from Jadzia in that regard. As part of her science training, Jadzia had studied a few medical things and knew enough about pregnancy that she could conduct the ultrasounds and also make sure Julian got enough to eat and drink despite the situation they were in. _

__

_ The door chime rang and Julian groaned without waking, “What?” he spoke groggily. _

__

_ Instead of a response, however, the door slid open and a Jem’Hadar soldier entered the room with a knife in its hand. Julian suddenly found himself shackled to an exam table so tightly that he couldn’t move, “Where am I?” Julian spoke shakily, his eyes wide with fear.  _

__

_ “Silence,” the Jem’Hadar soldier spoke. “It is time to extract the experiment.” _

__

_ Julian’s eyes widened in horror as the Jem’Hadar came over to the table and touched his expanding belly with the tip of the knife, “This was meant to kill you and since it did not, I will take it out and you will die,” the Jem’Hadar spoke coldly. “You were not meant to survive!” _

__

_ The bindings were too tight to struggle, so all Julian could do was scream as the cutting began. _

“Julian!”

A hand touched his arm and Julian found his entire body drenched in sweat as he opened his eyes and found that he was at a table in the social area of Starbase 375. He blinked and was surprised to see Jadzia standing at the table holding a full tray, a shocked expression on her face.

Miles suddenly came into view looking concerned, “You fell asleep and suddenly started screaming in your sleep, Julian,” he explained worriedly. “Security _tried_ to wake you…”

Instead of responding, Julian looked down at his belly and promptly felt a gentle kick, “It’s _still_ there,” he murmured groggily, exhaling anxiously. “The Jem’Hadar _didn’t_ cut it out…”

Jadzia frowned as Julian’s eyes filled with tears and he began crying softly. She set the loaded tray on the table before sitting next to him, “We’re here for two weeks, so you _should_ focus on getting as much rest as possible,” she spoke firmly. “Doctor Grayson would want that.”

Miles remained standing and nervously began to massage Julian’s shoulders rather gently in an awkward effort to calm his friend down. Julian exhaled and eyed the food nervously.

“I’m not a doctor, Julian, but food might help,” Jadzia spoke gently. “You look terrified.”

Just then, a Security officer came into the table with an anxious looking Captain Sisko, “I was told you were screaming at the top of your lungs in your sleep, Doctor,” Captain Sisko spoke in a concerned voice, frowning. “Is everything all right? I just got our orders from Admiral Ross.”

“Fine, sir,” Julian lied softly. “I’m just a little tired and hungry, but Dax got us food.”

Captain Sisko sighed, “Chief, Dax, can I have a moment alone with Doctor Bashir?” he asked in a quiet, but firm voice, as he could sense his CMO was lying simply to save face with his friends.

Julian, however, could tell what Sisko was up to and promptly grabbed a sandwich and drink container from the tray before leaving the table in silence. He walked for a long time and then silently sat down on a couch in a quiet area to eat; he didn’t want to share about his nightmare for fear the people on this starbase would find him crazy and have him committed to an asylum.

He thought often of how Doctors Girani and Grayson had sacrificed their own safety to make sure he and his unborn child got away from Deep Space Nine unscathed. Everyone had played some part in getting him to safety and he had done his best to repay him, but he was barely keeping his head above water mentally and emotionally while he was using all his physical strength to care for the baby and those in his crew. Nightmares about his experience had been expected, yes, but he had expected to have them much earlier and in complete privacy.

“Doctor?”

Julian sighed as Captain Sisko sat next to him, a concerned expression on his face, “I know this situation is taking a toll on you and I’m sorry, but there’s not anything I can do for you until after we’re done carrying out our mission,” Captain Sisko spoke gently. “Once we’re done this mission, I’m going to be seeing that you get some time to rest. I can’t promise anything, though…”

Nodding, Julian forced himself to sigh, “Thank you, Captain,” he replied softly. “I should eat…”

Just then, Garak came into view having been finally released after being interrogated about his knowledge of the Dominion, the takeover of Deep Space Nine, and his reason for being on the Defiant, “Mister Garak, they finally saw fit to release you, did they?” Sisko asked worriedly, looking at him with a concerned expression. “I was quite adamant that you were harmless.”

“ _What_?” Julian replied in a shocked voice, his appetite suddenly gone. “They did _what_?!”

Garak, however, didn’t seem concerned by it, “It’s _natural_ of them to be suspicious of me in these times, Doctor,” he replied calmly before frowning. “Have you gotten any rest?”

“I haven’t been assigned quarters,” Julian replied softly. “I assume everyone else has been?”

Captain Sisko’s expression darkened as he stood up, “I see I need to go _remind_ the quartermaster that you too are a part of this crew,” he spoke in a firm, annoyed voice. “Excuse me.”

As Captain Sisko left, Garak gave Julian a curious look, but Julian simply ate the morsel of food he had on him, “We’ve been here nearly a full day and you don’t have quarters?” Garak asked in a confused, concerned voice. “Even _I_ was assigned quarters after my interrogation.”

“I’m a pregnant Augment,” Julian replied softly. “And I’m _not_ a priority here. We’re in a _war_ …”

Garak scowled, “You’re _pregnant_ and that in itself should make you a priority,” he spoke in an annoyed, upset voice, his scowl only deepening as he saw the little amount of food. “ _Doctor_ …”

“Jadzia and Miles were smothering me because I fell asleep at the table and apparently screamed in my sleep!” Julian replied irritably as he slowly got up. “I’m _not_ in the mood to argue, Garak! I have to go find a comfortable place to lay my head and this couch isn’t even _remotely_ …!”

Garak had heard enough; he silently took Julian by the hand and marched him down the corridor until they came to a door. He silently led Julian through the door, revealing that it was guest quarters, “You can use my bed for sleep and I will make sure you get enough to eat!” the Cardassian spoke firmly. “I _know_ we’re in a war, but this is well past _ridiculous_!”

“I’ve been having nightmares for the last few months about what happened,” Julian admitted softly, his expression tired and resigned. “I overheard people on the Defiant _gossiping_ about how I scream and cry in my sleep. I share quarters with _Miles_ and he must have heard and shared…”

A look of understanding filled Garak’s face, “Is _that_ why you took to sleeping in the Mess and Sickbay?” he asked quietly. “I don’t sleep well either and I _did_ notice your nocturnal…”

Julian froze, but Garak simply escorted him into the bedroom and proceeded to settle him in the bed without offering opportunity for argument, “You’re going to stay there and sleep for as long as you need,” Garak spoke as he stood beside the bed. “Chief O’Brien has your things?”

By this time, however, Julian was half-asleep and could offer no reply except for a weak “ _mhm_ ” that Garak found slightly cute. Sighing softly, Garak simply let it be and left the man to rest.

* * *

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* * *

“…I don’t know why he left or where he went,” Miles spoke in a concerned voice as he and Jadzia sat at the table in the starbase’s social area, having gotten more food for themselves after Julian stormed off. “I remember when Keiko and Kira were pregnant. _Oh_ , the mood swings…”

Jadzia offered a nod, but she felt like the issue went well beyond pregnancy mood swings. She was well aware of the gossip on the ship and knew that Julian was struggling with his mental health because he had never gotten any sort of counseling about his time in the internment camp and the pregnancy was also taking a toll. She had asked Sisko if Julian could stay when they went off on their next mission, but Sisko had refused the request because Julian’s skills would be _absolutely essential_ to the mission. He had promised, however, to look into it afterwards.

“Chief O’Brien, I _need_ to speak with you right now!” Garak’s angry yell suddenly filled the social corridor, causing Miles and Jadzia to turn in their seats. “You’re such a _prick_!”

Miles frowned as Garak stormed up to their table, “I’m a _prick_?” he replied, confused. "Are you out of your mind?!"

“Is that not the Human term for someone who has behaved in an absolutely deplorable manner towards someone they claim is their friend?!” Garak spoke in an angry tone, his expression murderous. “You claim that Doctor Bashir is your friend and yet you blatantly neglect him, ignore his needs, and gossip about him! I don’t know _how_ Humans define friendship…!”

Miles growled and got to his feet, “I haven’t _done_ anything of the sort, you irritating lizard!” he snapped, annoyed that his downtime was being interrupted. “What are you on about?!”

“You and Doctor Bashir shared quarters on the Defiant and you told everyone he screams and cries in his sleep!” Garak hissed angrily. “I wasn’t _aware_ it was so _utterly fascinating_ to…!”

A throat cleared, “What on _earth_ is going on here?!” an angry female voice suddenly shouted.

Miles and Garak turned to see an angry woman, Captain Sisko, and Admiral Ross coming from the direction of the command offices, “Captain Bennet, my apologies,” Jadzia spoke in a nervous voice as she stood up. “Chief O’Brien and Mister Garak were having a bit of an argument…”

“I can _see_ that, Commander Dax,” Captain Bennet replied angrily. “What about?”

Miles and Garak exchanged a look, neither of them wanting to share and risk getting into trouble because they knew it would only worry Julian. Captain Bennet eventually scoffed before going on her way, but Admiral Ross and Captain Sisko remained in the social area.

“What _exactly_ was the argument about, gentlemen?” Captain Sisko asked in a gentler tone.

Garak scoffed, “There’s been gossip about Doctor Bashir all over the Defiant since we escaped the station, Benjamin,” Jadzia spoke softly, her expression apologetic. “And he fell asleep here today before screaming in his sleep. Chief O’Brien and I haven’t been sure how to handle it…”

“You _should_ have brought it to my attention, for starters,” Captain Sisko replied firmly, his upset expression indicating that he was clearly pissed off that this had been left unreported.

Admiral Ross looked equally annoyed, “After this next mission, we _are_ going to be having words about this situation,” he spoke firmly. “In the meantime, Commander Dax, I would suggest that you and Chief O’Brien actually show a little _loyalty_ and _apologize_ to Doctor Bashir to any distress you may have caused him. Mister Garak, I must commend you on your…”

Garak scoffed and dismissed the compliment with a wave of his hand, “Doctor Bashir is in _my_ assigned quarters since nobody thought to assign him any of his own. I’m not here for praise; I’m simply here to get him something proper to eat and drink. Chief O’Brien, where is his bag?”

“Um, in our quarters on the Defiant,” Miles replied. “I hadn’t thought to move it.”

Garak snarled, “He’ll be under _my_ care for as long as we are here since you and Commander Dax can barely take care of yourselves,” he snipped, his expression murderous. “He’s sleeping in my quarters right now.”

“That’s _probably_ best for now,” Captain Sisko replied calmly. “If you or he need anything…”

Garak nodded, “His bag will be enough for now,” Garak spoke firmly. “ _Go get it_ , O’Brien. I’ll wait here until you bring it back and then I will be returning to my quarters.”

Captain Sisko nodded at Miles and Miles reluctantly got up and left, “Maybe in a little while after Doctor Bashir has had some food and rest, he might be amenable to receiving an apology from both of you,” Captain Sisko spoke firmly. “I expected better of you, Dax.”

Jadzia nodded, her expression one of embarrassment and shame as Sisko and Ross walked away.

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

** Two Weeks, Three Days Later **

Forgiveness, in reality, was not so easy to seek or receive simply because Jadzia, Miles, and the other members of the Defiant crew had been kept busy trying to learn how to operate and temporarily live on a Jem’Hadar attack ship. Their assignment was dangerous, but an order was an order and they had to do it.

Even though they had fulfilled that mission, there had been some glitches and they were all now seventeen years, two months, and three days away from any help, trapped on the cruiser with only each other for company and limited resources. Tempers were high, everything was tense, and everyone had contributed a big part of their daily rations so that Julian and the baby would be kept well fed.

The guilt was eating Julian alive, as he knew he and his child needed the food and that the others were happy to share, but he felt bad since it meant they had less for themselves. Everyone also sacrificed any rest they could get to keep him happy, comfortable, and as sane as one could be under the circumstances.

Unfortunately for him, Julian was quickly faced with a crisis and found himself trying to help the others keep safe while being the only one who had his bag rescued from the water. The Jem’Hadar ship had crash landed on a strange planet and many had lost what they had brought from Starbase 375, which was very little save for Julian simply because he _needed_ rations and pre-natal medicine for the baby. Jadzia was also injured and he forced himself to put her needs and the symbiont’s needs above his own even though there were still hard feelings over the gossip chain on the Defiant; it was his oath to care.

And things only got worse quickly. While trying to scout for food and water for everyone, Garak and Nog ended up captured by the Jem’Hadar. There had also been a wild firefight before Julian himself had been asked to operate on a Vorta named Keevan with an audience of Jem’Hadar watching his every move. Fortunately, the surgery had been successful and Keevan was well.

Instead of being grateful for assistance, the Jem’Hadar had engaged them in a fight and Julian had been protected as much as the rest of the crew could. Ensign Gordon had ended up dead and Captain Sisko had ordered a burial detail. Jadzia, Nog, and Garak had gotten to work on making a shelter for them and while Miles had been ordered to fix the communication array, Julian had slipped off by himself. Being so close to Jem’Hadar after the internment camp shook him deeply.

As Julian walked, his realized that he himself had sustained some sort of injury in the crash because his back hurt, as did his head. He didn’t feel very well himself and he worried that everything that had happened had done irreparable harm to himself and his unborn child.

“Julian!”

Julian stopped at the sound of his name, but he quickly felt his legs give out. He suddenly felt a strong pair of arms grab hold of him, “You’re _hurt_!” an anxious voice filled the air. “Dax, _help!_ ”

_ I’m going to die…we’re both going to die.  _ Julian thought, his mind a foggy mess as he felt his pregnant body being lifted. He had somehow passed into a semi-conscious state, but he could still vaguely hear frantic talking and he could feel various parts of himself being fussed over.

“…Get working on that array and send off a distress signal pronto, Chief!” a voice yelled. 

Drops of water suddenly cascaded down his face, but Julian found himself too weak and too burnt out to see what was going on. He had pushed his mind, his heart, and his pregnant body beyond safe limits in order to do what the Federation had asked of him and now all of them were utterly broken and wasted. _What a pathetic reward for doing my duty._ Julian thought bitterly.

Something soft was placed under his back…it triggered pain, but nothing else.

Something cold was placed on his forehead that ran down his face…but it was soothing.

Noise filled the air…it was arguing of sorts…but Julian had no strength to wake and play referee.

Something touched his mouth and Julian nearly choked as he felt water being fed to him.

The sound of retching filled the air and Julian realized that he himself was losing the contents of his stomach even though he was semi-conscious. More noise filled the air and then nothing…

Something warm was suddenly dropped over his pregnant body and he felt his boots being removed. Talk about making him as comfortable as possible until help came filled the air. The voices began to fade into quiet. _Stillness._

All surroundings faded into shadows. He was alone and dying. The light faded into absolute darkness.


	7. Blessings From the Emissary

_Cold…cold…warm hands…cold…voices…immense warmth._

_“…How’s he been today?”_

_“….He didn’t wake up yet, but I think my reading to him and the drip-boxes the station’s infirmary gave him have been helping. The neurocortical monitor is somewhat hard to read…”_

A warm hand suddenly touched his forehead and Julian flinched, “Oh, looks like he’s responding to gentle touch,” the first voice, now familiar, spoke. “Is this the _best_ they could do for him?”

“Personnel and resources are stretched thin right now, I’m afraid,” another familiar voice suddenly spoke. “It’s too risky to get proper help right now, but I know enough to do what I can and your company is helping him immensely. It was hard enough to get him more medicine.”

The voices faded as Julian slowly opened his eyes and found himself staring at a ceiling. He could also feel something warm and soft underneath both his head and back. He felt weak and tired, but he promptly felt a kick from his abdomen that caused his eyes to widen in surprise.

“ _Yes_ , your baby is still alive and well,” a kind voice spoke. “You, however, are a _mess_.”

Julian shifted his gaze and found Garak sitting in a chair beside him. It was then that Julian realized he was laying in a starbase bed with pillows supporting both his head and back. A hand touched his and Julian’s eyes widened as soon as he saw the dripline in that very hand.

“The protective netting fell off, but I can sew you another,” Garak spoke calmly. “After dinner.”

Confusion filled Julian’s head and it must have been equally obvious in his expression because Garak sighed patiently, “Adjutant Sisko said he wanted to be the one to explain things to you whenever he gets off duty, but I did have supper delivered. Would you mind if I fed it to you?”

“Wait, _Adjutant_ Sisko?” Julian asked softly, frowning when he saw a spoon filled with soup.

Garak gave him a look and Julian kept quiet while Garak fed him chicken soup, a couple of warm biscuits, milk, and delivered a couple of pre-natal hyposprays to his neck, “ _Again_ , Sisko told me to let him explain what was happening,” he repeated as doors suddenly slid open. “Ah.”

Julian frowned as Garak suddenly got up and wandered out of the bedroom, “…Sorry about that, Mister Garak, I had to send another quick communique to Deep Space Nine and I hope someone friendly to us gets it,” Sisko’s voice filled the air. “I’m _trying_ to update Doctor Grayson on the situation with Julian and I _think_ she got the last message, but it takes _ages_ for transmissions…”

“He’s awake and ate the whole lot of supper I got for him,” Garak’s voice replied. “He is, however, quite weak and very confused about everything. I did tell him you’d explain.”

“Good,” Sisko replied softly. “Why don’t you go get your supper and I’ll sit with him?”

Julian frowned as Captain Sisko came into the room and planted himself in the chair, “Why did Garak call you _Adjutant_?” he asked softly, frowning at him. “And _where_ am I? Am I dead?”

“No, you’re in private quarters at Starbase 375,” Captain Sisko replied calmly. “And I was reassigned to be Admiral Ross’s adjutant here while Dax took command of the Defiant. It’s what I agreed to in exchange for Admiral Ross temporarily reassigning you to the starbase officially, but you’re on medical restriction unofficially. You were injured during the last mission and both Garak and I have been _trying_ to reach your doctor to get you some support, but it’s _difficult_.”

Julian sighed weakly, “How long have I been unconscious?” he asked in a tired voice.

“It’s been at least a week, if not more,” Captain Sisko replied. “The days blend together and Mister Garak would have a better idea, as he’s spent his days tending to you while I work on whatever assignments Admiral Ross gives me.”

Julian nodded, “Am I allowed out of bed to use the bathroom or shower?” he asked, realizing that he was most likely scruffy and needed a clean. “I’m feeling really weak and grimy.”

“Not by yourself,” Captain Sisko replied firmly. “Admiral Ross has left me and Mister Garak to coordinate your care because personnel here are very busy and very unavailable. I can help you with a quick shower, but you shouldn’t be on your feet for too long until you’re stronger.”

Julian nodded and didn’t protest when Captain Sisko helped him from bed and into the bathroom for a cleanup. As Sisko helped him out of the pajamas he was now in and removed the neurocortical monitor from his neck, Julian was taken aback by how badly bruised and ill he looked despite being nearly eight months pregnant. Sisko, however, didn’t let him linger for long and gently moved him into the shower, washed him as thoroughly and as gently as possible using every soap and shampoo that was safe, and then got him dried off using the autodryer that was in the shower; the heat of it made Julian feel safe and reassured.

Sisko didn’t comment at Julian’s quietness as he redressed the man and led him back to the safety of his temporary bed, “You didn’t have to do all that, sir,” Julian finally spoke once he was back in bed. “I’m sure as an adjutant, you have a _lot_ on your schedule…”

There was a moment of quiet and Sisko sighed, taking a seat beside the bed before he spoke again, “Jennifer did _not_ have an easy pregnancy with Jake,” he explained quietly. “We wanted many children, but there were so many complications involved in the pregnancy that we were never able to have another after Jake was born. Jennifer was also on bed rest quite a bit…”

A look of surprise emanated on Julian’s face, as Sisko hadn’t mentioned his deceased wife much at all publicly and very rarely even to Jake. He knew this because Jake had snuck in a few counseling sessions with him without his father knowing…and those would _stay_ a secret.

“Anyway, doctor, I know about the nightmares and the screaming,” Sisko spoke in a concerned voice, his expression worried. “Once I got clearance for you to be here for a while, I arranged for Mister Garak and I to share quarters with you so you’d at least have some help nearby if the nightmares continue. I’m not a counselor by any means, but if you feel like you want to talk…”

Julian exhaled weakly, “The nightmare’s always the same,” he replied softly. “I’m sleeping in my quarters and then I’m suddenly back in the camp, strapped to a table. A Jem’Hadar soldier is there and he says terrible things to me before cutting me open. I usually went for walks around the Defiant to calm myself down…”

Even though Sisko wanted to know what things were said in the dream, he could tell that Julian was tensing up at the mere memory of it and decided to let it be. He instead checked the miniature dripfeed in Julian’s hand before grabbing the medical tricorder off of the bedside table that the starbase’s infirmary had lent him, “Would you like me to read it, sir?” Julian asked softly.

“No, you’re not allowed to do anything medical,” Sisko replied softly, taking his time as he studied the readings on the tricorder with a great intensity. “This time is for you to rest and recuperate from the deterioration you’ve been experiencing since we left the station…”

Julian felt taken aback, “ _Deterioration_?!” he replied softly. “Have I really been that…?”

“Sick?” Sisko replied as he returned the tricorder to the table. “Under _normal_ circumstances, pregnancies can be rough experiences, but we’re definitely _not_ in normal circumstances now…”

Despite the seriousness of the situation, Julian let out a weak chuckle, “Nothing about this has been normal,” he replied softly before exhaling. “Would it be rude if I said I wanted to sleep?”

Sisko smirked a bit, but silently reattached the neurocortical monitor to where he had removed it from, “You suffered injuries in the crash and the experience with the Jem’Hadar certainly didn’t help your shaky state of mind,” he explained calmly. “The medic on the Rotarran did what they could for you and Mister Garak and I are doing what we can here, but you need _more_ help…”

Fatigue was pressing on Julian rather quickly, but he didn’t want to be rude, “I think it’s time for you to go to sleep, Doctor,” Sisko spoke kindly, standing up. “ _One_ more thing…”

Julian suddenly felt something soft tucked into his arm and as much as he wanted to thank his captain for reuniting him with Kukulaka, he found himself quickly falling into a deep sleep.

Instead of leaving the room right away, Captain Sisko stayed seated and watched as Julian slept with Kukulaka nestled in his arm. It was so apparent that the whole experience at Internment Camp 371 and the subsequent pregnancy had taken such a heavy toll on Doctor Bashir in every way possible, but the war had made it _absolutely impossible_ for the man to get proper help.

A beep suddenly filled the room and Captain Sisko quietly left the bedroom so not to wake Julian from what he hoped was a restful sleep. He accessed the comms terminal in the living room.

Garak’s face appeared on the screen sporting an unusually grim expression, “Captain, I _need_ to speak with you in the common area right away,” he spoke in an unusually grim tone.

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

_“Missing?!”_

Garak, who had spent his dinnertime checking with his sources for information about what was going on with the station and the people there, sighed heavily. Captain Sisko frowned.

“I have sources on the station who will still speak to me even despite all this,” Garak replied in a concerned voice, his expression cautious as he and Sisko sat in the quiet social area. “Those sources tell me that Doctor Grayson is not currently on Deep Space Nine and _nobody_ knows where she is.”

Captain Sisko sighed heavily, “Doctor Bashir _desperately_ needs help and the one resource who got him through the first bit of this whole situation is now gone,” he spoke anxiously. “He…”

“Captain, you do _not_ need to tell me that Doctor Bashir isn’t well,” Garak spoke firmly, cutting Sisko off with a stern expression on his face. “I was with him in the camp and I’ve been around him for this entire experience. He’s already on Starfleet’s radar because of being an Augment and I think he’s doing his best to hide the extent of his deterioration because of that simple fact. If Starfleet were to find out that he's battling mental health issues, they _wouldn't_ be forgiving.”

Captain Sisko found that he had nothing to say at that, as Garak’s words were truth and it was also true that Julian would most definitely be in a specialized hospital at this point in time or discharged from Starfleet for medical reasons if there hadn’t been a war happening. Every resource Starfleet had, however, was being poured into the war and there was nothing left over to handle such a delicate situation. Starfleet had pretty much left Julian to battle this on his own.

“You don’t think Dukat had her _killed_ , do you?” Sisko asked softly. “As a message?”

Garak scoffed, “No, she is one of the few that Gul Dukat would _not_ try to kill,” he replied in a voice that indicated the mere _thought_ was scandalous. The doctor is very resourceful and very aware of the situation. Perhaps she decided to go where she thought she’d be most useful.”

Captain Sisko’s eyes narrowed suspiciously, “You _know_ something,” he realized softly.

“Would you rather have your curiosity fulfilled and risk the possibility of endangering her and Doctor Bashir or get someone you claim to be a friend some much needed help?” Garak replied in a low voice. “I could tell you what I know, but then you risk Doctor Bashir’s health. I care too much about Doctor Bashir to let you do such a thing.”

Captain Sisko fell silent and reluctantly nodded, “Have you eaten?” he finally asked.

“I put an order in, but I’ll eat when I take Doctor Bashir a snack,” Garak replied in a calmer voice, his expression tired. “He didn’t seem happy when I fed him earlier, so I’m thinking he assumes that I’m going without to feed him. Julian _wasn’t_ happy that everyone went without to make sure he stayed fed while we were on the Jem’Hadar ship and it’s gotten to him.”

Captain Sisko frowned, “But he must realize we’re on a starbase now and there isn’t a danger of food shortage here,” he replied, quickly realizing that Julian’s mental state was well beyond being able to connect the dots that easily. “You’re talking PTSD and disconnect, aren’t you?”

Garak nodded, “Mister Garak, your order is ready!” a voice suddenly called out from nearby.

“Is there _anything_ that can be done to help Doctor Bashir get past this?” Sisko asked softly.

Garak sighed, but got up in silence and went to get his food, coming back a moment later with what looked like a large takeout container, “I’m not sure _anything_ can help him right now, but he could get _proper_ help on Deep Space Nine once the pregnancy is over,” he spoke with a sigh. “I think the combination of so much trauma is taking its toll on Julian and he needs compassion. I'll do my best to nursemaid him, but what he needs is to give birth so he can truly start recovering.”

Before Sisko could offer a reply, Garak left with his takeout container. Sighing heavily, Captain Sisko found himself deep in thought; he had been a fool to think that they could simply sit here and not work to take back the station. When the Defiant crew returned, he would need to sit down with them and explain Julian’s situation to them in the same way that Garak had explained it to him. The doctor had pushed himself beyond sanity to be there for them all and they had all failed him spectacularly. They were a divided crew who needed to come together.

_What good was he as the Emissary if he couldn’t utilize the power of it to help those in great need?_ Captain Sisko thought to himself as he sat at the table, deep in thought about Julian.

* * *

* * *

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* * *

* * *

“… _There_ we go,” a gentle voice spoke as Julian suddenly felt something being slipped on his hand that felt unusually soft and didn’t seem to disrupt the dripline in any way. “Julian?”

A weak mumble escaped Julian’s lips, but Julian remained asleep with Kukulaka in the crook of his arm. Garak, however, wasn’t offended in the least and simply set up the food tray before grabbing one of his holonovels from the pile on the bedside table that had remained untouched.

“I know you’re tired, but I brought us both something to eat,” Garak spoke gently, taking a seat beside the bed where his broken, pregnant friend lay. “Scone sandwiches, red leaf tea, and I even invested in a little bit of ice cream that has some sauce made from Delavian chocolates on it.”

Again, Julian didn’t respond and Garak frowned as he suddenly noticed tears running down Julian’s cheeks, “… _No_ ,” Julian spoke in a whispery voice. “He’s _too_ small…he’ll _die._ ”

Garak’s eyes widened; Julian was having yet another nightmare related to what he had endured and was now internalizing everything instead of screaming at the top of his lungs for help simply because people on the Defiant had gossiped about the screaming. Julian’s free hand suddenly shot out from under the blanket and rested on top of his growing belly as if he were trying to protect it.

Swallowing hard, Garak silently slipped his fingers through the hand that held the dripline and waited for a reaction. A moment passed before Julian woke and flinched before turning his head and meeting Garak’s gaze. The tension in Julian’s body quickly dissipated and Garak felt it.

“I thought we might have a snack while I read to you ,” Garak spoke calmly, acting as if he had seen nor heard anything amiss. “Scone sandwiches, red leaf tea, and I even invested in a little bit of ice cream that has some sauce made from Delavian chocolates on it.”

Julian looked uncertain for a brief moment before exhaling, “Sharing a meal sounds _lovely_ , but I'm not sure I'm up for any reading,” he replied in a soft, calm voice. “Captain Sisko helped me shower, so I don’t feel so grimy now.”

“Ah, so _that’s_ why you’re looking better!” Garak replied gently. “I _knew_ there was _something_!”

A faint smile appeared on Julian’s lips, but it faded when he tried to lift his IV-laden hand from Garak’s grip to grab a sandwich, only to find it trembling. Garak gave it a gentle squeeze.

“You’ll get there,” Garak spoke calmly. “In the meantime, I don’t mind feeding you.”

Julian nodded and silently accepted the scone and tea without complaint. He knew Garak was trying to help raise his spirits, but it only helped so much. Walls of anxiety, post-traumatic stress, and depression were rising quickly, threatening to engulf him as the days continued to pass and Julian desperately wanted to hang on until after the baby was born, but he didn’t know if he’d be able to manage it. Grief and guilt were weighing so heavily on him and he felt _powerless._

“ _Oh_ , your data PADD has a message on it from Captain Sisko, Doctor,” Garak suddenly spoke.

Julian blinked, “Garak, I’m _sorry_ , I got lost in thought,” he spoke softly. “About…all this.”

“I simply ate my meal and didn’t worry about it,” Garak replied simply, showing him the PADD.

_Julian,_

_This starbase has a holodeck and I’d like you to meet me there tomorrow at 0800. I’ll make sure a hoverchair is arranged, as I don’t want you walking around unassisted quite yet._

_Captain Sisko_

Garak didn’t ask about what the PADD said, as he trusted that whatever message Captain Sisko had sent was meant to be helpful. All he knew is that while Julian had been lost in thought, Sisko had sent _him_ a private message indicating that he could have some personal time tomorrow; that Julian would be otherwise occupied. Garak intended to make _full use_ of his unexpected day off. As insane as circumstances were right now, Garak was still able to be his cunning self.

“Garak?”

Garak looked at Julian, “What did you pick to read?” Julian asked softly, wanting to show that he wasn’t completely lost to feeling and sanity. “And that ice cream looks like it might be melting.”

“Well, we should _remedy_ that situation, shouldn’t we?” Garak replied, a small smile on his face. 

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

The night had been _uneventful_ for a change. He had slept through the night without a single negative thought or nightmare, but it had only been because Kukulaka and Garak had stayed with him all night. Kukulaka had been nestled in his arm and Garak had slept in the chair beside the bed with his hand interlaced with Julian’s fingers in an effort to offer some reassurance. Julian suspected Garak had done that to keep him from wandering the station in response to the nightmares and insomnia that he had grappled with on the Defiant and Jem'Hadar vessel, but either way, it helped.

Now that it was morning, Julian was in his pajamas, sitting in a hoverchair that Sisko had somehow arranged and navigating his way to the holodeck using directions that had been provided in the message. It hadn’t taken long to find it, but waiting there was unnerving.

The holodeck doors suddenly opened, revealing darkness, “Come in, Doctor,” a voice called.

Swallowing hard, Julian manuevered the hoverchair into the darkness, “Stop,” the voice said in a calming voice. “I think it would be _better_ if you got up and did this without the hoverchair.”

Julian slowly got out of the hoverchair as light filled the room, revealing a depiction of a Bajoran Temple and a container was sitting on a table. Captain Sisko suddenly came out of the shadows.

“I reached out to the Prophets last night and they’ve given me permission to guide you through this experience,” Captain Sisko spoke calmly. “I’ve summoned the Orb of the Emissary for you.”

Julian frowned, as he didn’t quite understand what Sisko was getting at and he knew his mind was in pieces due to recent events. However, he trusted that his captain would not harm him.

“It’s all right, Julian, you don’t _have_ to understand,” Captain Sisko replied. “Just _trust_.”

Nodding, Julian swallowed hard and remained silent as Captain Sisko opened the Orb.

Almost immediately, Julian felt himself being engulfed in a gold light and he suddenly felt like he was floating, “ _Close your eyes_ ,” a voice whispered. “ _Relax, Julian Bashir, and breathe_.”

Julian obeyed and he suddenly felt warm air drifting through him and his growing child that was releasing all of his physical, mental, and emotional tension. He was only vaguely aware of shadowy hands touching his head, mind, heart, and his unborn child and gently massaging all of the tension, grief, anxiety, fear, and all negative emotions away. He could also hear quiet Bajoran chanting in his mind. All the while, he found his breaths becoming easier to take.

A woosh suddenly filled the air and Julian suddenly felt something soft under his back and hands on his hair, but he suddenly found he lacked the physical strength to open his eyes, “ _As the Emissary to Bajor, I have the power and authority to bestow a Bajoran blessing on he who calls himself Julian Subatoi Bashir_ ,” Sisko’s soft voice filled the air. “ _I grant unto you the strength to be able to carry your child to term and deliver it safely. You will still struggle with your health in a sense, but help will never truly be far away if you choose to recognize your need for it and seek it out. Sorrow will be a part of this struggle, but you will not be denied help as long as you do not deny yourself it. With the authority given to me by the Celestial Temple, I seal this blessing.”_

The hands moved away, but Julian remained at rest with his eyes closed simply because he didn’t have the energy to speak, move, or even wake up. He just let himself lay still and relax because he didn’t know how else to communicate that he wasn’t able to move and needed assistance.

A faint sigh escaped his lips at long last, “So _tired_ ,” Julian heard himself saying. “ _Can’t move_.”

“You don’t have to,” Sisko’s voice replied. “Just rest and let your strength return on its own.”

Julian exhaled, “I feel much better, but very weak,” he replied softly, not opening his eyes.

Suddenly, Julian suddenly felt himself being sat up and frowned as he felt himself being gently fed some sweet tasting liquid, “Some apple juice to raise your blood sugar,” Sisko said softly.

“Thank you,” Julian spoke weakly, sighing as he allowed himself to open his eyes and take in that he was still in the temple, but not anywhere near the Orb. “Where are we?”

Captain Sisko sighed, “I put the Orb away and we’re just in the ceremonial area right now,” he explained in a calm voice, unwilling to say that the blessing he bestowed on Julian and his child would come with a price that he himself would have to pay later. “Do you need help getting up?”

Julian nodded and Captain Sisko carefully helped Julian to his feet, “I have a _personal_ appointment with the Prophets now, so you’ll have to leave, but I want you to take it easy,” Captain Sisko spoke in a gentle, reassuring voice. “I’ll come by later for supper, all right?”

Understanding himself to be dismissed, Julian slowly left the holodeck and didn’t hesitate to return to the safety of the shared quarters because he _was_ tired. It didn’t take him long to return to his bed, wrap one arm around Kukulaka, rest his other hand on his stomach, and fall asleep.

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

_“…The Defiant should be back tomorrow night if all goes well…”_

Warmth filled Julian’s body as he woke and found that he had slept quite well. He slowly released Kukulaka and got out of bed. He looked down at himself and realized he felt grimy, completely out of both character and place because he was messy and in his pajamas.

Not wanting to bother Captain Sisko while he was busy with work, Julian slipped into the bathroom, managed to undress, and shower himself without issues. Once he was done showering, he put his pajamas back on and went back to his room. His bag was on the table and he rifled through it until he found some casual pants and a loose shirt that Garak had made for him back on the station. It didn’t take long for him to change clothes and don his maternity boots simply because he just wanted to feel more Human. He wanted to be in actual clothes.

As Julian wandered out to the common area, he saw that Captain Sisko was on the couch with several PADD’s, working so his back was to him. Sighing, Julian left the shared quarters and slowly began to walk without a destination simply because he knew he needed light exercise.

The station was quiet, so the walk didn’t take long and despite the somber mood in the air, Julian felt at peace for the first time since he had left the station. He knew that the worst was yet to come in terms of the war and most likely in his own journey, but he at least had a _moment_.

“…My dear, I’m just glad Jhanathan was able to get you off the station when he did,” Julian suddenly heard Garak’s voice from behind a door that led to quarters. “How are you feeling?”

A tired sigh filled the air, “Like I went a few rounds in the ring,” a familiar voice spoke softly.

Deep concern filled Julian and he hit the door chime, “Garak?!” he spoke worriedly.

“Elim, you might as well let Doctor Bashir in,” the other voice said with a sigh. “Come in.”

The doors slid open and Julian entered, frowning when he saw Dr. Grayson, whose hair was in a simple ponytail, sitting on a couch clad entirely in black: a black turtleneck, black slacks, simple boots, and black gloves. Her face was pale and she was sporting bruises and a black eye.

“ _Oh_ , don’t look so upset,” Dr. Grayson spoke at Julian’s frown. “I’ve looked _much_ worse.”

Julian sighed, “I think this place has a Sickbay, so why don’t you let me take a look?” he suggested in a concerned voice, undeterred by the comment. “I’m feeling much better…”

“Does Captain Sisko know you’re here?” Garak asked suspiciously. “He _doesn’t_ , does he?”

Julian shook his head and offered his hand to Dr. Grayson, hoping she would trust him enough to help as he had trusted her, “Why Doctor, how _Cardassian_ of you!” Garak replied smugly.

Dr. Grayson sighed before accepting Julian’s hand and allowing him to help her to her feet.

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

“I don’t suppose you want to tell me how you ended up injured?” Julian asked in a quiet voice as he stood beside the biobed where Dr. Grayson now lay with one hand holding a tricorder while the other worked a monitor. “You’ve got extensive bruising all over your body, broken ribs, a cracked sternum, dehydration, and signs of malnutrition. When’s the last time you ate?”

Dr. Grayson sighed as Garak came over to the bed with a collection of medical tools that he had found after searching the foreign infirmary, “And you’ve got medication in your bloodstream,” Julian spoke anxiously, seeing an unusual reading on his scanner. “What are you on?”

“Simple analgesics,” Dr. Grayson replied quietly. “Deep Space Nine was not a picnic after the evacuation and I had to take something when things got rough. Don’t ask how I got them.”

Garak sighed, as he had heard the entirety of his friend’s experience on the station, but was _not_ going to betray her confidence to satisfy Julian’s curiosity. Dr. Grayson sighed and sat up.

“If you don’t _mind_ , I’d like to be upright now,” Dr. Grayson spoke calmly. “How are you?”

Julian sighed, “I had some rough days, so I’m unofficially reassigned here with Adjutant Sisko for the time being,” he replied calmly. “Sisko and Garak have been nursing me back to health.”

“I had a feeling that would happen, but it’s my fault for not tending to your mental health needs like I tended to your physical ones,” Dr. Grayson replied apologetically. “I failed you, Doctor.”

Julian frowned as he turned to look at the instruments Garak had found, “You _didn’t_ fail me,” he replied in a calm, quiet voice. “I didn’t ask for help because I thought I could handle it.”

“Human males always seem to have an insane amount of pride,” Garak spoke, smirking.

Julian glared at Garak as he retrieved an instrument from the gathered supplies and returned to the biobed, “If you don’t want to tell me what happened to you after I left, will you at least allow me to patch you up?” he asked as he looked at Dr. Grayson. “It won’t take very long.”

“All right,” Dr. Grayson replied softly, her expression tired. “I suppose you can do that much.”

Dr. Grayson laid back down and sighed as Julian worked to heal the fractures, “Elim, you _better_ have been keeping your promise to me,” she spoke in a firm voice. “Or I’ll break your books into pieces.”

“Oh, I assure you I have been,” Garak replied anxiously. “This is the first time he’s been up in more than a week. We ended up in an accident after we got assigned to use a Jem-Hadar ship…”

Julian groaned as Dr. Grayson scowled, “Starfleet promised me Doctor Bashir wouldn’t be endangered!” she replied in an upset voice. “And now I hear he was in an accident? I’ll be yelling at Admiral Ross!”

“Garak, _really_ , you’re not helping,” Julian replied irritably. “That’s not important…”

Garak scoffed, “You sustained a cracked skull, a concussion, bad bruising, and shock in the crash and then on top of all that, you were intimidated into operating on a Vorta with an audience of Jem’Hadar!” he replied in an indignant voice, glaring at Julian. “I _know_ you’ve lied about your health since we evacuated Deep Space Nine, but you ought not to be lying to your doctor!”

Julian froze and sighed as he finished his work, “You’re right,” he replied quietly. “I’m sorry.”

Dr. Grayson sat up and Julian took a seat on the bedside stool, realizing that being honest with others was part of the healing he had to do. Captain Sisko’s entire ritual would be meaningless if he didn’t allow others to help him, “Do you have any ideas how to make things a little easier for myself?” Julian asked in a quiet voice, his expression humble. “I’m nearly eight months along.”

“Yes, I do,” Dr. Grayson replied softly. “And I’ll be here to see you through the due date.”

Julian nodded, sighing, “I’d be very grateful for any assistance you can provide,” he spoke softly, his tone tired.

“We’ll _both_ do what we can for you, my _dear_ Doctor,” Garak cut in, his tone reassuring. "You need not be alone in this."


	8. Attempted Murder and Miracles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter happens around the same time as ‘You Are Cordially Invited’, but doesn't cover all of it.

The station was theirs again after an impressive show of force, but many including Tora Ziyal were now dead. Everyone was quickly settling back into their old routines as if they had never left, but Julian found himself sitting guard beside Ziyal’s body through the long nights out of respect for Garak and Kira. Besides, he knew he had changed as a result of Sisko’s blessing and knew that he was now living precariously on borrowed time as far as his mental health went.

Even though it was less than comfortable, Julian was determined to sleep on the stool with his hand holding Ziyal’s lifeless one because he knew none else would. The sheer fragility of life was constantly thrown in his face and he did what he could to cope by hiding away in the infirmary, doing the little he could to serve as a caregiver in his present, heavily pregnant state.

“Julian?”

Julian suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder, “Have you been sitting here all night like this, Julian?” Kira’s concerned voice asked. “Sleeping like this can’t possibly be comfortable.”

“It’s _not_ ,” Julian replied, opening his eyes to look at Kira, “But it helps you and Garak…”

Kira sighed softly, her expression concerned, “Garak’s shop is closed today and I heard from Quark that he bought a few bottles of kanar to take to his quarters last night,” she explained in a quiet voice. “Ziyal’s death was _very_ hard on him, Julian. Do you think you could talk to him?”

“Garak _doesn’t_ want to hear from me, Nerys,” Julian replied softly. “I’m a burden to him in this state and he knows it. The best I can do is carry on like before, albeit several pounds heavier.”

Before Kira could reply, Julian released Ziyal’s hand and slowly got to his feet, “I should probably go find something to eat,” he spoke quietly. “I’m assume you’re here for Ziyal.”

“No, Julian, I’m here for you!” Kira exclaimed worriedly. “Everyone’s worried about you!”

Julian scoffed, “Do you mean because I got reassigned when Sisko did?” he replied in an irritable voice, his expression tired. “Apparently, I was just _gossip fodder_ on the Defiant and not perceived as anything useful. Thank goodness Doctor Grayson showed up on the Starbase and was able to calm the crew or they would have been left with a _madman_ all the way back!”

Kira’s eyes widened in surprise as Julian suddenly started to cry, deeply hurt by recent circumstances. She had very little idea what had happened out there, but she didn’t hesitate to gently embrace him, “I had _no_ idea things were that rough,” she spoke softly. “I’m _sorry._ ”

Julian accepted the embrace, as he knew Kira wasn’t responsible for how everyone but Sisko had been treating him and that she had no doubt suffered while being on the station, “Thank you,” he spoke in a quiet voice as they pulled apart several minutes later. “How are you doing?”

“Why don’t we talk about it over breakfast?” Kira suggested. “You said you were hungry.”

Julian nodded, sighing as he let Kira gently escort him out of the infirmary and to the Promenade for breakfast. People were out and about again and most actually wished him good morning before asking about the baby and Julian found himself responding with the warmth expected from the station’s Chief Medical Officer. It was not genuine, but he knew it was expected.

Instead of treating him like glass and setting him at a table like a piece of furniture, Kira simply walked with him to the food line, waited until he got his food, and then got food herself before they sat at a table together. Kira knew that things were different, but she also sensed that Julian would do better if she didn’t press. Likewise, Julian was grateful for the non-intrusive company and simply focused on eating. Dr. Grayson had the day shift, so he was able to relax a bit.

“Doctor?”

Julian looked up from his finished plate and was surprised to see Worf standing at their table, “What can I do for you, Commander Worf?” he asked in a quiet, professional voice.

“I wanted to let you know that Jadzia and I will be getting married at the end of the week in Quark’s,” Worf explained calmly. “I wanted to invite you to partake in Kal’Hyah, a mental and spiritual journey that lasts for four nights before a Klingon wedding, but Chief O’Brien did advise me against it because of your pregnancy. Your participation would have to be…”

Julian scoffed, “I know I can’t do certain things right now because of this pregnancy, Commander, but I am capable of at least being supportive of a friend!” he snapped, his expression icy as he slowly got to his feet. “Chief O’Brien does not speak for me!”

An awkward silence suddenly filled the Replimat and Julian knew that people were staring, but he didn’t care. Kira looked shocked and Worf looked concerned and Julian merely sighed.

“Exclude me if you want,” Julian snipped. “The crew doesn’t trust me anymore anyway.”

Before anyone could reply, Julian swept his tray off the table in frustration and stormed off as the dishes hit the floor. Unknown to him, however, Sisko and Martok were on their way in for breakfast and had witnessed the entire outburst. Now, rightfully so, Sisko was concerned.

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

His back hurt, everything was swollen, he was tired, very irritable, and now he had lost his temper in public. Julian knew that he had crossed a line and the best thing for him to do was simply hide in his quarters until the baby was ready to be born instead of inflicting his presence upon others. The only friend he could really rely on was Kukulaka and he knew it.

As Julian settled himself on his couch with a pillow behind his back and his teddy bear in his arms, the door chime went off. He groaned, but didn’t feel the need to get up simply because he was physically comfortable for the moment, “Come in,” he finally let himself utter softly.

There was a hesitation and Julian sighed before kissing his bear and closing his eyes, “Probably just hearing things,” he muttered to himself, sighing. “I’m just going to have a nap.”

_“Ju-lian Ba-shir…”_ a dark voice suddenly filled Julian’s head. “ _You are alone here_.”

Julian opened his eyes, but found that he was indeed alone in his quarters. The energy in the room, however, was different. He felt almost as if there were an evil, dark spirit present who was trying to cause him and his child harm, but could only do so much in its limited capacity. He began to feel sharp pain in his abdomen, but he assumed it was merely the baby kicking.

Swallowing hard, Julian held Kukulaka close as he extracted himself from the couch and began to look around. He wondered if he should call Odo, but the Changeling might attribute his emotions to pregnancy hormones just like everyone else had and simply ignore his plea.

“ _Ju-lian Ba-shir_ …” the voice suddenly filled his head again. “ _I am watching you_.”

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

“Chief, do you have a moment?” Captain Sisko asked as he came into the O’Brien’s quarters and saw Miles enjoying a cup of raktajino at his desk. “I was wondering if we could talk?”

Miles sighed, but nodded, “I _know_ you’re here to give me a lecture about how I’ve been towards Julian while we were off the station and I admit that I deserve it,” he admitted softly, his expression apologetic. “Everything just got to me and I intend to go find him and apologize....after I've had a cup of coffee to wake me up a bit.”

“I know the situation wasn’t easy for any of us, Chief, but he’d definitely appreciate an apology,” Captain Sisko replied in a sympathetic voice. “There was an incident in the Replimat a bit ago…”

All of a sudden, Captain Sisko felt cold and could feel that a Pah-Wraith was on the station, trying to endanger Julian, wherever he was, “Sisko to Bashir!” he spoke, tapping his badge.

Miles frowned when there was no response and stood at the same time Sisko did, the raktajino forgotten, “Something’s wrong,” Captain Sisko spoke worriedly. “He’s usually prompt…”

“I think today’s an off day for him,” Miles replied. “He could be resting in his quarters.”

Captain Sisko nodded as the two left the O’Brien’s quarters and made their way through the Habitat Ring towards Julian’s quarters. Suddenly, a violent explosion blew Sisko and O’Brien backward and as alarms blared, the two could see smoke pouring out of Julian’s quarters.

Swearing anxiously, the two got to their feet and hurried to the door, horrified to see the normally tranquil place now a mess of fire, smoke, and debris, “Julian!” Miles called out anxiously.

A faint groan filled the air and Miles didn’t hesitate to hurry into the room, swearing when he saw Julian laying on the floor on his side with Kukulaka in his arms, sporting a smoky face and a gash on his forehead. Julian was awake, but he looked to be in intense pain as he cradled his abdomen with shaking hands, “Replicator…shot fire,” Julian spoke weakly. “Labor…pains…”

Captain Sisko suddenly appeared and helped Miles lift Julian, as it was very apparent that the doctor was unable to move himself. As soon as they were outside, they laid Julian gently on the floor and frowned as they saw a waterspot forming on his abdomen, “Oh, _God_ , it’s too soon,” Julian mumbled in a faint voice as he cringed. “My…water _broke_. I’m having _contractions_.”

“Sisko to Infirmary,” Captain Sisko spoke anxiously, tapping his combadge. “Medical emergency at Doctor Bashir’s quarters! His quarters exploded and he was caught in it. He’s in labor!”

A gasp filled the air, “ _Let me lock on to him_!” an anxious voice replied. “ _Prep for emergency_ …”

Miles, who was kneeling next to Julian, suddenly noticed one of his friend’s hands trying to lift as if he needed reassurance, “It’s okay, Julian,” he said reassuringly, taking his shaking hand.

As the two dematerialized, Captain Sisko suddenly felt the presence of a Pah-Wraith and knew that it had most likely been the cause of the explosion. It had been trying to _undo_ the blessing.

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

_Cold…cold…cold…pain…noise…screaming…yelling…crying?_

“…The baby’s a little small, but fully developed! Get a neonatal chamber!”

A rough hand was interlocked with his own, “Doctor Grayson, I think Julian’s waking up,” a rough, familiar Irish drawl said worriedly. “I’d let go of his hand to help you, but…”

“You holding his hand is _very_ helpful, Chief O’Brien,” an anxious voice spoke. “Doctor Girani, how’s the baby doing in the chamber? The cries are still weaker than they should be…”

Julian’s eyes fluttered open and he immediately felt pain, followed by a firm squeeze of his hand, “Hey, Julian, it’s all right,” Miles spoke reassuringly as he sat beside the bed, his hand locked with his friend’s. “You’ve got a respiration device on, so don’t try to talk, all right?”

A faint woosh filled the mask as Julian tried anyway before realizing that Miles wasn’t kidding and he was prohibited from talking. The look of pure confusion on his face must have been evident because Miles sighed, “You passed out during the transport and Doctor Grayson got the baby out, but you took a nasty knock to the head too, so a nurse is taking care of that.”

“No other internal injuries besides the triggering of early labor,” Dr. Grayson spoke in a relieved voice as she gazed down at the fearful looking Julian in her surgeon’s attire. “Welcome back.”

Miles sighed anxiously, “The baby’s improving in the chamber,” Girani’s voice filled the air.

“Besides a little smoke inhalation and that knock to the head, you’re remarkably fine,” Dr. Grayson explained, seeing that Julian was looking at her expectantly. “You lost a bit of blood in the delivery, but I can fix that. I had to do an emergency cesarean to get your son out…”

Miles looked pleased, “Aw, do you hear that Julian?” he replied happily. “You have a son!”

_I have a son._ Julian thought tiredly. _I’ll love him for how he is. He’s beautiful however he is._

Exhaustion filled Julian and he suddenly drifted off with thoughts of his new son on his mind.

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

Quiet was what greeted Julian when he finally woke and he sighed weakly upon realizing that he was again able to breathe without assistance, “Anyone there?” he called out groggily.

“Good to see you awake, Doctor Bashir,” Dr. Grayson replied kindly as she suddenly came into view and stood beside the bed with a kind expression on her face. “How are you feeling?”

Julian exhaled softly, “I don’t feel any pain anymore,” he replied weakly. “How’s…?”

“He’s in a neonatal chamber,” Dr. Grayson replied. “You can’t feel any pain because you’re on some very strong pain medication, but you should move a bit to loosen your body up.”

Julian nodded, “Do you think I could see him?” he asked groggily. “My son?”

Dr. Grayson helped Julian sit up, holding him in that position briefly before helping him move his legs. Julian felt his stomach pull briefly, but he breathed his way through it and found himself very grateful that she held on to him during the walk from the bed to the neonatal chamber.

Julian sighed as he was sat down in a comfortable chair that was next to the chamber. A tired smile appeared on his face as he looked inside the chamber and saw a clean, diapered baby with tan, olive skin sporting a head full of dark hair. The baby was asleep in a blanket, but he looked relaxed.

“He’s _so_ beautiful,” Julian spoke groggily, touching the small chamber. “He looks like me.”

Dr. Grayson smiled as she came over and offered him a PADD, “A first photo and initial measurements,” she explained softly. “All the little one needs is a name.”

Julian sighed as a thought came to him; his father was still very much in prison and his mother was still on house arrest. Neither of them would most likely be able to see their grandson for a long time and he felt it might heal the rift between himself and his father if he were to give the baby a name similar to his father’s, but not as formal and stuffy as Richard. _Ricky, perhaps_.

And Julian couldn’t forget the beings who had helped him through the pregnancy; the best way to honor those individuals was to include them in the name, “I was thinking Ricky Elim Miles Benjamin Bashir,” he spoke in a groggy voice, smiling. “They helped me the most…”

“That’s a _lovely_ name,” Dr. Grayson replied gently. “You can add it to the PADD if you want.”

Julian nodded and did so before returning the PADD to Dr. Grayson, “Would you mind letting everyone know?” he asked in a quiet, tired voice. “I just want to sit here with Ricky. Maybe I’ll nap with him.”

“Take your time with him,” Dr. Grayson replied as she nodded. “If you need anything…”

Julian nodded and leaned back in the chair to relax whilst keeping a hand on the chamber. While seated, he was able to see Kukulaka sitting on the table near the bed, a proper place for him.

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

“According to my scans, the explosion originated at the replicator,” Miles reported in a concerned voice as he, Odo, Sisko, and Kira walked through what remained of Julian’s quarters.

Sisko’s expression was grim, as he knew that the Pah-Wraiths were decidedly unhappy with the Emissarial Blessing he had given Julian back at Starbase 375 and had tried to murder Julian and his child through this explosion. He hoped that Dr. Grayson had been able to help them both.

Miles had wanted to stay in the infirmary after the delivery to ensure all was well with father and baby, but he had reluctantly gone to help investigate when called to. Now, all he wanted to do was go back and apologize to Julian for being so distant and outright mean to him.

The PADD he kept in his pocket suddenly buzzed and Miles silently pulled it out. His concerned expression faded when he suddenly saw a photo of a tired looking Julian, dressed in hospital pajamas and slippers, sitting next to a neonatal warmer that held a sleeping newborn. _Doctor/Lieutenant Julian Bashir, Chief Medical Officer of Deep Space Nine, would like to announce the arrival of his son, Ricky Elim Miles Benjamin Bashir…_

A chuckle escaped Miles’s lips, prompting everyone else to walk over to him, “It seems the station has a new arrival,” he stated in an amused voice. “Look at father and son…”

“Benjamin, what happened?!” Jadzia’s voice suddenly filled the air as Jadzia and Worf came into the mess, having heard about the explosion after Jadzia's meeting with Sirella. “Why would anyone want to attack Julian’s…?”

Captain Sisko sighed, “I felt a Pah-Wraith just before it happened,” he replied grimly. “I spent some time with Doctor Bashir on Starbase 375 and the Pah-Wraiths did _not_ like my assistance.”

“When I first found Julian, he said something about the replicator shooting fire,” Miles replied worriedly, wondering why on earth _anyone_ would want to hurt Julian or his child.

Odo couldn’t help but be concerned, but the sight of a seemingly healthy father and baby warmed him a little, “It seems Baby Bashir decided to arrive a little earlier than expected,” he stated, eyeing Worf and Jadzia. “Doctor Grayson sent a message to a select group of people.”

“Oh, Captain, when Julian and Ricky are let out of Sickbay, they’ll be staying with me cause this mess will take _forever_ to fix,” Miles spoke, still staring at the photo. “I don’t get _Elim_ , though…”

Odo’s eyes narrowed; Doctor Bashir had named the baby after Garak? _Why?_

“I do,” Kira replied in a confused voice, eyeing the PADD. “I just don’t get _why_ …”

Captain Sisko merely smirked, as he knew that Julian and Garak were close and had become emotionally closer during their time on Starbase 375. It was perfectly appropriate for the doctor to include Garak’s name, he thought. The fact that Julian had included _Benjamin_ in the name made him feel very special, as he had a _feeling_ he wouldn’t be there to see Ricky grow up. He knew that as the war reached his end, so would his path…he wasn’t going to tell anyone, though.

“I know of someone else who might enjoy this news,” Captain Sisko said in a quiet voice, giving Miles a look. “Chief, do you mind supervising cleanup? I need to go see the _other_ namesake.”

Before anyone could protest, Captain Sisko left the room. He was _determined_ to talk to Garak.

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

Ziyal had been killed by Damar and Gul Dukat had succumbed to insanity as a result. Garak found that such occasion called for endless amounts of kanar to be consumed in heavy grief.

The tailor shop was closed and rightfully so, as Garak currently found no joy in the job. He was perfectly content to drink himself into oblivion because a dear, innocent soul was gone and his frenemy had been lost to madness. As he sat at his table, drinking and moping, the door chime rang and he swore in Kardasi; who on Earth would be trying to distract him from his grief?

“ _WHAT?_!” Garak snapped drunkenly, hurling a half-drunk bottle of kanar at the door.

The door slid open at the same time as the bottle hit the door, nearly missing Sisko and causing the bottle to break, “Mister Garak, I thought you might like some news,” Sisko spoke calmly, undeterred by a drunk Garak, the mess in the doorway, or the bottle narrowly missing him.

Garak frowned, “Who _else_ has died?!” he replied angrily. “I’ve lost _quite_ enough, I assure you!”

Captain Sisko reached into his pocket and pulled out a PADD as he approached Garak, “Someone _quite_ special was born not too long ago,” he explained, offering the PADD.

Garak’s eyes narrowed in confusion as he took the PADD and his eyes widened at the photo of a tired looking Julian, dressed in hospital pajamas and slippers, sitting next to a neonatal warmer that held a sleeping newborn. _Doctor/Lieutenant Julian Bashir, Chief Medical Officer of Deep Space Nine, would like to announce the arrival of his son, Ricky Elim Miles Benjamin Bashir…_

For one, Garak was rendered speechless and found himself quickly sobering up as he stared at the photo and the name. Julian had used _Elim_ as the first middle name for his son? _Why?_ And the baby had been delivered? As far as anyone knew, Julian wasn’t due until next month. Unless…

“Captain Sisko, did those alarms I vaguely heard earlier have something to do with Doctor Bashir?” Garak asked in a concerned voice, his desire to get drunk gone. “It did…didn’t it?”

Captain Sisko nodded grimly, “A Pah-Wraith tried to kill Doctor Bashir and the baby by causing the replicator in his quarters to explode,” he explained solemnly. “Doctor Grayson had to do a cesarean section and Doctor Bashir also sustained a head injury, so he’s really weak right now.”

Sorrow filled Garak as he looked at the picture, “If he’s _so_ unwell, _what_ is he doing out of bed?” he asked in a concerned voice, frowning. “Little Ricky is probably just as unwell…”

“I’m not sure,” Captain Sisko replied. “We’ve all been _busy_ investigating the explosion…”

Garak sighed, “I suppose I _could_ use a hypospray to sober me up,” he replied softly, realizing that Sisko was gently telling him to go visit Julian for himself instead of sulking and drinking.

“That _might_ be a good idea,” Captain Sisko replied before he took his PADD back and left.

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

Julian’s energy was gone and he was fighting sleep, as he wanted to stay sitting beside the neonatal chamber with Ricky. His body was still blissfully numb and he knew it wouldn’t last, so he wanted to spend as many pain-free moments he could adoring and watching over his new son.

Dr. Grayson was watching from nearby, trying to think of a way to persuade her older patient back to bed for some rest. Julian, however, didn’t even notice; his gaze and focus were on Ricky.

“…I’m afraid I need a bit of a remedy, Doctor Grayson,” a familiar voice suddenly spoke. “I fear I may have had a bit _too much_ kanar and I’m beginning to feel a hangover. Can you help?”

Of _course_ Garak had been drinking to grieve the loss of Ziyal, Julian thought, quickly tuning out the conversation. Ricky suddenly stirred from sleep at the noise and he looked at Julian; the little one’s eyes were a brilliant resemblance to his father, but unlike his father, Ricky was… _pure._

“ _My Ricky_ ,” Julian spoke in a groggy, tired voice as he and the baby studied each other carefully. " _I love you_."

To Julian’s surprise, Ricky let out a light coo with his eyes brightening slightly before he yawned and returned to sleep. Pricks of pain suddenly filled Julian’s head and abdomen and he sighed weakly, trying hard not to show that he was in need of rest. Ricky needed him right now.

“My _dear_ doctor, I do believe you are in need of sleep too,” Garak spoke in a soft voice as he approached the neonatal chamber and saw Julian fighting sleep. “You will not be any good to this little namesake of mine unless you yourself are well rested. _Julian_ , it’s time to go to bed.”

Julian sighed weakly, “I haven’t the strength to move and the good drugs are wearing off,” he admitted groggily, his expression resigned. “I’d go if someone _carried_ me over to the bed.”

_Really, Doctor, you act rather scandalous when you’re exhausted!_ Garak thought as he gently lifted Julian into his arms bridal style and carried him back to the biobed. Dr. Grayson watched, greatly amused by the sight of Garak tucking Julian into bed without so much as a hesitation.

The only thanks Garak got for his service was a light snore from Julian, who fell asleep fast once his head hit the pillow.

Once Julian was settled, Garak walked back to the chamber and silently watched his namesake sleep. A moment of peace.


	9. Inner Struggles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is still around the same time as 'You Are Cordially Invited.'

_**Three Days Later** _

After about a day and a half, Julian had finally been allowed to hold Ricky for brief periods of time to bond with him. He didn’t, however, want everyone on the station crowding him quite yet and so he asked Dr. Grayson to serve as an information provider for anyone who asked about visiting, holding the baby, or bothering the CMO. So far, the arrangement had worked well. He had also been allowed to swap out his hospital pajamas for civvies and had chosen to wear simple pants, a loose shirt, and slippers because he wasn’t to be back in uniform just yet.

“…Twinkle, twinkle, little star,” Julian sung in a quiet, yet peacefully melodic voice as he cuddled Ricky in his arms. “How I wonder what you are…Up above the world so high…Like a diamond in the sky…Twinkle, twinkle little star…How I wonder what you are…”

_Oh, I’ve forgotten the rest of the words my mother sang to me._ Julian thought worriedly, smiling down at Ricky and realizing that the child was eyeing him. “Did you like Daddy’s singing?” he asked in a soft, tired voice. “I know it’s an old Earth song, but I thought you might enjoy it…”

Ricky cooed and smiled, prompting Julian to realize that he needed to put together a baby book for his unexpected miracle. He had always been afraid of fathering a child, but now that it had happened, he wouldn’t trade it for the world and he would do his best to be a good father.

A timer suddenly beeped, signaling that it was time for Ricky to return to the chamber for a rest until it was feeding time. Letting out a sigh, Julian stood and gently set Ricky back in the chamber before closing it and making sure the bio-controls were still working properly. He then picked up Kukulaka from the table beside the chamber, holding him close with a sigh.

Thoroughly exhausted, Julian returned to the chair and closed his eyes. As much as he wanted to take Ricky out of the infirmary, his quarters were still a mess and they had nowhere to go. The staff had been very good about making sure he ate and rested enough, but he was still so _tired_ and his healing body was beginning to hurt. He had spent his nights on a biobed or wandering the Promenade when he had been unable to sleep because it meant time with his thoughts.

_All he wanted was a comfortable bed and a hot bath. Was that too much to ask?_

A hand suddenly felt his forehead, “It’s a little warm,” a voice spoke. “I hope he’s not sick.”

The noise of a tricorder suddenly filled the air, “No, his body’s just spent and running on fumes,” Dr. Grayson’s voice spoke. “Doctor Girani, would you mind getting a hoverchair?”

Scoffing irritably, Julian opened his eyes and was surprised to see Dr. Grayson and Miles at his side, “You’re getting out of this infirmary and getting some rest in a proper bed, Julian,” Miles spoke firmly, giving his friend a look. “You told me the other day that Ricky could be in here for at least a couple weeks and you can’t possibly stay in here the entire time! Look at you!”

“He wasn’t even _supposed_ to be born yet,” Julian replied softly. “I’ve got nowhere to go.”

Miles scoffed, “I’ve got empty quarters right now, so you and that teddy bear of yours are coming with _me_ ,” he stated firmly. “Barring emergencies, I’m going to be around.”

Just then, Dr. Girani brought a hoverchair within Julian’s view, “I _can’t_ just leave Ricky here by _himself,_ ” Julian argued weakly. “He needs bonding time and he has feeding times…”

“He’s still premature and needs a good deal of time in the chamber before he can safely be out of it,” Dr. Grayson replied firmly. “As far as the feeding, he can’t take things by mouth yet and you already know that because we had this very discussion yesterday when you wanted to feed him.”

Julian frowned, “We _did_?” he asked groggily, yawning. “I’ve lost all track of everything…”

“Which is why I’m banning you from the infirmary for at least 12 hours,” Dr. Grayson spoke in a firm voice, giving him a look. “You need time to rest and time to recollect yourself. I might also recommend some post-natal counseling and spending some time engaging in light leisure, but I don’t want you drinking just yet. If something happens, though, you can come back…”

Julian nodded and reluctantly allowed himself to be moved into the hoverchair, “What if someone accuses me of neglecting Ricky and tries to take him?” he asked worriedly. “I can’t imagine Starfleet’s happy with me over this whole thing. I…I couldn’t bear to lose him.”

Miles gave Julian a confused look, but Dr. Grayson suddenly became very quiet because she completely understood Julian’s fear. She herself had lost all contact with her family after she had been found justified in murdering her husband and even now, she always looked over her shoulder in case anyone wanted to confront her about the past. Only Doctor Bashir, Odo, and Captain Sisko knew about it, though. Julian’s fear of losing Ricky was very understandable.

“Doctor Bashir, Doctor Girani and I will be here looking after Ricky,” Dr. Grayson spoke in a reassuring voice. “All of the nurses will be too and I know you’re scared to death right now, but you don’t need to be. We won’t let _anything_ happen to Ricky while you go and recover.”

Julian nodded and exhaled, “I could use a sleep and a hot bath,” he admitted softly. “I also need to see if I can order some baby things. I was planning to order something next _month_ …”

Miles’s eyes widened as Julian suddenly drifted off to sleep mid-thought, blocking out his surroundings, “We’ll see you later, I guess,” he spoke calmly as he wheeled Julian out.

* * *

* * *

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* * *

* * *

* * *

“…I hope you don’t mind that I brought Julian back to our quarters for a little while and set him up in Molly’s room. Ricky’s in the neonatal chamber and will need time before he can come…”

_“…Miles, it’s fine. Even after we come back, I wonder if Julian would stay with us? He’s got a lot of responsibility on his shoulders and I’m sure he’d appreciate the help…”_

_They don’t think I can handle Ricky and my job alone?_ Julian thought as he woke and overheard Miles talking with Keiko, presumably over the video phone. _Why do they think that?_

Blocking out the rest of the conversation, Julian slowly looked himself over before realizing that he was propped up by pillows. He tried to sit up, but the pressure the act put on his body was too much and so he relaxed. The next thing he noticed was that Kukulaka was laying in his lap.

“Hello there, old friend,” Julian spoke softly, gently picking up the bear. “How are you?”

Kukulaka, of course, gave no reply and Julian sighed, “I hope I’m as good with Ricky as I have been with you over the years,” he spoke groggily. “I never thought I’d _be_ a father…”

Footsteps suddenly filled the air as Miles entered the bedroom with two mugs in his hands, “Hey there, Sleeping Beauty,” he spoke in a kind voice. “I heard you talking…”

“ _Oh_ , I hope I didn’t interrupt your call with Keiko,” Julian replied, looking up at Miles apologetically as he set Kukulaka beside him. “I tried to get up, but I’m not _quite_ ready for that.”

Miles shook his head as he walked over to the bed and sat, being careful as he passed a mug to Julian, who took it gingerly, “Keiko had some errands to run anyway before she gets Molly from school,” he replied calmly, sighing before taking a sip of tea. “You’ve been out about six hours.”

“Is that _all_?” Julian asked softly, sighing while sipping the tea. “ _Oh_ , that tea’s nice.”

Miles nodded, “I told the senior staff you’re here and they want to visit, but only when you feel ready,” he explained calmly. “I also asked Keiko if you and Ricky can stay on when…”

“I…I don’t want to be seen as incompetent by Starfleet,” Julian interrupted meekly, his expression concerned. “If they see me needing help managing my job while taking care of Ricky, they might see fit to take one or both away. This job and Ricky are all I have, Miles.”

Miles frowned, “Starfleet’s kinda too busy being in a war to worry about what you do with your kid, Julian,” he replied in a voice indicating that he didn’t believe him. “How are you feeling?”

“I’ve got six hours left on my ban from Sickbay and all I want to do is go back,” Julian admitted in a tired voice, sighing. “At the same time, I can’t even move an inch without hurting.”

Miles chuckled, “Doctor Girani did call while you were asleep and said to remind you that you need to go on light walks every couple of hours so that blood clots don’t develop,” he replied in a kind voice. “If you want, we could go for a walk to the Replimat. You should eat something.”

“Do…do we have to go by my old quarters?” Julian asked softly, suddenly feeling uneasy.

Miles shook his head, “No,” he replied reassuringly. “I know you’re not ready for that.”

“Okay,” Julian replied quietly, sighing. “If you can find me shoes and a sweater…”

Miles nodded and got up to replicate the requested items while Julian slowly finished his tea.

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

“Julian!”

The walk from the O’Brien family quarters to the Replimat had felt long, but Julian had managed it with lots of help from Miles. He was now at a table, picking at some Irish stew that Miles had insisted he eat to build his strength. He _hated_ the taste at the moment, but he was trying to eat because it was _expected_ that he fill his stomach.

A hand gently touched his arm and Julian looked up from his stew to see Jadzia standing there looking pleased, “I _heard_ a rumor you both got out of Sickbay,” she spoke in a kind voice.

“Ricky still needs time in the neonatal chamber,” Julian replied quietly. “But I’m out, yes.”

Jadzia nodded, her expression sympathetic, “I’ve been so busy preparing for the wedding that I feel like we haven’t really gotten a lot of time to talk,” she replied. “Worf’s been busy too…”

“Pull up a chair and join us,” Miles offered, his mouth full of stew. “We don’t mind.”

Julian shrugged and politely took a bite of stew, not wanting to admit that he was already beginning to feel crowded by Jadzia’s presence. As Jadzia sat, she suddenly looked past Julian.

“So _this_ is the infamous Doctor Bashir,” a voice suddenly spoke. “A true survivor, a _legend_.”

Julian froze as Martok and Sirella suddenly came into view and gazed down at him as if he were a lizard in a biochamber, “Hello,” he spoke softly, anxious to be polite to the Klingon guests simply because he knew Jadzia was joining their house and he wanted no trouble for her.

Martok eyed Julian silently, but Sirella cleared her throat and Jadzia quickly vacated her seat so she could sit next to Julian, “I would speak with you alone,” Sirella spoke in a firm voice.

“Chief, I could use your help in Quark’s with the decorations,” Jadzia spoke nervously.

Miles looked like he wanted to stay, but Julian sighed, “Go,” he replied in a tired voice.

Martok also made himself scarce in a hurry once Miles and Jadzia left, “Martok told me how you were made pregnant in the camp and how it’s been a difficult experience for you,” Sirella spoke in a quiet, unusually kind voice as she studied Julian. “What did you name him?”

“Ricky Elim Miles Benjamin Bashir,” Julian replied softly, sighing. “This stew is _disgusting_.”

Sirella smirked, “Then why do you eat it?” she replied. “Surely, there is food you _want_ to eat.”

“I don’t _want_ to eat,” Julian admitted softly. “I wouldn’t mind some tea and sleep, but _everyone_ expects me to be up and around as if everything’s normal. _None_ of my situation is _normal_.”

Sirella looked thoughtful, “That’s true, but at least you seem to be accepting that,” she replied.

“I never _wanted_ children or a family of my own because I was scared of exposing them to the scrutiny that Starfleet has had me under since discovering my enhancements,” Julian confessed in a quiet voice. “When I realized I was pregnant, though, I suddenly wanted to be a good father and I did whatever I could to make sure Ricky was safe while he was still inside of me.”

Sirella nodded, “Those who have children never realize they want them until they find themselves pregnant,” she explained. “I was also unsure about having children with Martok, but now that I have had four, I would not take them back for anything. Your feelings are normal.”

“I suppose they are,” Julian replied, not wanting to mention that he constantly feared that Starfleet could interfere and take both the job and Ricky away just cause he was an Augment.

Sirella offered a reassuring smile, “It _does_ get better, Doctor,” she spoke in a quiet, calm voice as she took Julian’s silence for being overwhelmed. “The first year is always the hardest for new parents, but things eventually become easier. I have no doubt that they will become much easier for you once his health improves. I did hear that Ricky was born rather prematurely…”

“About a month early,” Julian confirmed softly, wishing the ground would open up and swallow him whole so he could avoid having to remember the explosion. “I was in my quarters resting and the replicator suddenly exploded. I went into early labor as a result of that and Ricky’s in a neonatal chamber so he can gain weight and get strong. The staff banned me from the infirmary for 12 hours so I could rest and recuperate, but it’s so incredibly _hard_ being away from him…”

Sirella looked amused as she rose, “I’m going to get you some Klingon food and drink that is good for post-natal recovery,” she spoke in a calm voice. “Let me take that stew off your hands.”

Julian gladly handed the stew over, but was nervous as Sirella went to get him different food because he knew from Worf and from personal experience what Klingon food could be like. What Sirella brought back, however, appeared to be a bowl of dried fruit and a simple mug of something.

“Zilm'kach and Bahgol will do wonders for you and that pale complexion of yours,” Sirella declared, setting the items in front of him as she sat. “Please, Doctor Bashir, enjoy them.”

Deeply afraid of offending Sirella to the point where she might take the anger out on Jadzia and cancel the upcoming wedding, Julian obediently ate and drank everything put in front of him, “Thank you,” he replied quietly.

Sirella nodded and rose, walking off with a pleased expression on her face. Julian suddenly felt like he’d very much like to be by himself; he felt overly invaded by the interaction with Sirella and was now in a panic.

Ignoring the pain that was triggered by him moving, he slowly got up and left the Replimat without bothering to recycle his dishes. It was the middle of the day, so the Promenade was busy with work and commerce and nobody took notice of him. Very quickly, Julian became tired and he found himself drawn to the Bajoran temple because it was quiet and would reduce his anxiety.

Upon entering the temple, Julian found himself blessed with quiet as he made his way to the worship area. His abdomen began to ache and so he settled himself on a bench just inside the worship area, resting his hands on the bandages as he did so. He then allowed his eyes to close.

As Julian rested, he was completely unaware that the Orb sitting on the nearby pedestal had suddenly come to life in response to his presence. It opened and Julian opened his eyes just in time to see a light shoot out of the Orb and speed directly towards him. Before he had a chance to react, the light struck him, sending him to the floor in an unconscious heap.

* * *

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* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

_The Promenade was darker than usual, Julian thought as he opened his eyes and found himself standing near the airlock as if he had just said goodbye to someone. He was alone and a quick look at his clothes told him he was back in uniform and his body was healed, but something was off. Where were the rest of the senior staff and where was Ricky? Why was he alone?_

_“Hello?” Julian called out as he started down the Promenade only to find all the vendors closed._

_No response came and Julian began to feel nervous, but he kept walking. Even Garak’s shop was empty and abandoned. Quark’s, normally a hub of noise, was also empty and unusually quiet._

_A cold wind suddenly blew through the empty Promenade and Julian felt very uneasy. He could feel heavy distress in the air even though he wasn’t Betazoid and the sound of people crying was beginning to fill his ears. He suddenly felt a small pop and frowned when he felt himself bleeding. A hand reached down to his abdomen and it came up stained with his own blood._

_“Please…where am I?” Julian called out anxiously, moving forward to find someone…anyone to talk to that could explain where he was and why everything seemed cold and unfamiliar._

_A gentler wind suddenly brushed against his forehead and everything around him went dark._

“Doctor Bashir?”

“Julian!”

A cool hand brushed across Julian’s forehead as he opened his eyes and found Dr. Girani and Kira looking down at him, both of them fraught with worry, “One of the monks was coming in for service and found you on the floor while the Orb was emanating energy bursts,” Kira spoke in an anxious voice, frowning at him. “I thought you were supposed to be with Chief O’Brien?”

“We got separated and I ended up coming in here for quiet time,” Julian replied groggily, still slightly out of it.

Dr. Girani nodded and frowned as Julian slowly sat up, “Are you all right?” she asked softly.

“I suppose,” Julian lied even though the experience had troubled him deeply. “Just a bit tired.”

Kira sighed, as she didn’t believe Julian was being fully honest, but nodded, “Captain Sisko wanted to talk to you when you’re up for it,” she replied calmly. “Are you up for it?”

“Duty calls,” Julian replied in a quiet voice. “If someone can help me up, I’ll be all right.”

Kira and Dr. Girani obliged and Julian sighed quietly, “Nurse Jabara’s watching Ricky, but I should get back to the infirmary,” Dr. Girani said kindly. “If you start feeling off…”

“I’ll come see you,” Julian promised softly, sighing as Dr. Girani left without looking back.

Kira, however, stayed with Julian, “You had an Orb experience,” she realized in a quiet voice.

“I did, but I don’t understand it,” Julian admitted quietly before sighing and slipping into the comfort of his professional mask. “Anyway, you said Captain Sisko wanted to see me?”

Kira nodded, “He’s in his office,” she replied, concerned by the fact that Julian had simply put his mask on and pretending his experience hadn’t happened. “I’ll walk you there.”

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

It didn’t take Julian and Kira long to reach Sisko’s office, but Captain Sisko wasn’t alone. A stern looking brunette sporting a red Starfleet uniform was sitting in the visitor’s chair and she glared at Julian and Kira as they entered, “So, you two have been helping Mary hide, then?” she spoke sternly as she rose and faced the two of them. “I’ve been trying to look for her for _years_.”

Julian scowled, “Are you the family who turned your backs on her, then?” he asked in a cold voice, glaring at the woman with disgust in his expression. “She told me _all_ about _you_.”

The woman’s eyes widened in surprise at Julian’s anger, “If you’re here to try and badger her into talking to you, I’m not going to allow it,” Julian continued coldly. “I have no control whether or not you stay on the station, but I do have control over whether or not you associate with my staff and right now, my staff includes Doctor Grayson. Is there anything else you need?”

“Doctor Bashir, I’d like you to meet _Captain_ Martha Grayson of the _U.S.S. Spokane_ ,” Captain Sisko spoke up in a voice warning him to tone it down because Martha Grayson did have a superior rank and he was expected to show proper respect because of that. “The Spokane’s one of the vessels headed to the front lines and Captain Grayson came here in hopes of having a conversation with her sister before shipping out. I can’t order to you allow it, but I would suggest you consider it.”

Julian sighed, “I will _talk_ to Doctor Grayson about the idea, but I’ll respect her wishes if she says no,” he replied firmly, refusing to allow Sisko to have the final call. “Is there anything else?”

“What, are you like Mary’s _protector_ now?” Captain Grayson asked coldly, seemingly unimpressed with Julian's attitude and wondering if the rumors about him were indeed true. “She doesn’t…”

Julian scoffed before leaving the office and making a beeline for the infirmary, suddenly not feeling tired or caring if his 12 hours were indeed up. He arrived just in time to see Dr. Girani and Dr. Grayson engage in conversation at the desk, but he didn’t go right over to them, instead choosing to visit the neonatal chamber instead. The computer log attached to the chamber showed that Ricky was accepting liquid nourishment and that his body was responding positively to it. Ricky was asleep inside the chamber, swaddled in his blanket, but he looked very peaceful.

“I’ve _missed_ you,” Julian spoke softly, gently touching the chamber. “Oh, my little son.”

Nurse Jabara walked over to him, “How are you feeling, Doctor Bashir?” she asked gently.

“Very rested,” Julian lied, his eyes on his son. “I actually need to speak to Doctor Grayson privately, if you don't mind.”

Nurse Jabara nodded and moved out of view. A moment later, Julian heard footsteps approach.

“Doctor Grayson, I just came from Captain Sisko’s office where your sister, Captain Martha Grayson, was waiting,” Julian spoke quietly, his eyes still on Ricky. “She’s Captaining the _U.S.S. Spokane_ and they’re going to the front lines soon, but she wanted to talk to you…”

Dr. Grayson sighed, “I can tell by the look on your face that you probably yelled at Sisko and her,” she replied gently. “As much as I appreciate you defending me, you have to _be careful_ because Sisko and Martha both hold the rank of Captain and they could take you to task over that if they wanted. You _have_ to learn to control your emotions, Doctor Bashir.”

Julian sighed, knowing she was right, “I know,” he replied quietly. “Anyway, I told them I would talk to you about it. I don’t know how long the _Spokane’s_ going to be here, but…”

“I heard you got hurt at the Bajoran Temple,” Dr. Grayson said, cutting him off. “Are you all right?”

Julian frowned, “I don’t know yet,” he confessed softly. “Do you mind if I just hang out in here for a bit just to make sure? I slept and ate and I just can’t deal with anything else right now.”

“Does Chief O’Brien know where you are?” Dr. Grayson asked in a concerned voice. "He's _supposed_ to be looking after you."

Julian sighed and shook his head, his expression unusually somber as he reflected on the conversation between Miles and Keiko he had overheard, “What is it?” Dr. Grayson asked.

“When I woke up in the O'Brien family quarters, I overheard Miles and Keiko talking about how Ricky and I should stay with them long-term because I might get overwhelmed handling my job and Ricky,” Julian explained softly, sighing. “I’m not incapable of doing both. I don’t need people stepping in and trying to raise Ricky for me. I feel _extremely_ offended that they think I’m incapable…”

Dr. Grayson nodded, her expression understanding and compassionate simply because she knew Julian had been having a hard time with his mental health throughout the pregnancy and the circumstances behind Ricky’s birth had worsened it, “Doctor Bashir, may I make a suggestion?” she asked in a kind voice, giving him a look. “Have you thought about mood stabilizers? I wouldn't suggest them if I didn't think you needed them and I do...think you might need them.”

Instead of feeling annoyed at the suggestion, Julian sighed, “I’ve been so afraid to admit that I need them,” he admitted softly. “I prescribe treatments and medicines, but I’m deathly afraid of actually getting help when I need it. I just wouldn’t want others to think me weak… _defective_.”

“Like your parents did when they had you engineered?” Dr. Grayson asked quietly.

Julian nodded, his expression sad, “I think your mental health has taken a beating with all that you’ve been through and you’re also battling post-partum depression because of Ricky being here,” Dr. Grayson spoke softly. “I’ve been studying the scans taken of you that were taken after you returned from the camp and I think they used psychotropic drugs on you as well as things I can’t identify. From your symptoms, the drugs may have caused some long-term damage…”

“Does anyone have to _know_ if I take the medication route?” Julian asked in a humbled voice.

Dr. Grayson sighed, “Captain Sisko, as he is your commanding officer, but nobody else absolutely has to know,” she replied softly. “I also want you in weekly counseling…”

Julian was silent for several moments before nodding, “All right,” he conceded softly. “You might as well let the nurses and Doctor Girani know too so they can provide the medication and counseling if you’re ever unavailable. Starfleet might decide you’re needed _elsewhere_ cause of the war…”

“I’m sure that has _something_ to do with why Martha’s here,” Dr. Grayson spoke calmly as she moved over to the medication cabinet and rummaged around it briefly before pulling out a tube of medicine and a hypospray and returning to him. “One of these twice a week ought to help.”

Julian sighed, but didn’t argue as Dr. Grayson loaded the hypospray and gently injected it into his neck, “If anyone asks, they’re nutritional shots,” she spoke calmly. “All right?”

“Would you go with me to tell Captain Sisko?” Julian asked softly. “I want to get it over with.”

Dr. Grayson nodded, offering her superior a reassuring smile as they left the infirmary together.

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

“If you’re looking for Captain Grayson, Doctors, Kira took her to meet Odo and get her some temporary quarters,” Captain Sisko spoke as he turned from his window just in time to see Julian and Dr. Grayson enter his office. “The _Spokane_ is actually here for some upgrades and last-minute supplying before it goes off into battle. Her crew is using this spot as a shore leave…”

Julian sighed, “Actually, Captain, I wanted to talk to you about _me_ ,” he admitted quietly.

Captain Sisko paused when he noticed the nervous expression on Julian’s face, “Sit, both of you,” he replied, sensing that this was a serious conversation. “What’s on your mind?”

The two doctors sat and Julian sighed, “I’ve been struggling with my mental health throughout this whole experience and it’s not getting any better, so Doctor Grayson thinks I need to use a mood stabilizer to help myself,” he explained softly. “She already administered the first dose.”

Captain Sisko looked thoughtful, “Well, she _was_ one of the top students in her class in multiple fields,” he replied calmly, nodding. “According to her record, she practically _lived_ in the study labs and the library. Julian, if you and she think you need it, then who am I to protest it?”

“I’m just worried that people might find me _defective_ if they find out I’m on medication for mental health issues,” Julian confessed softly. “Starfleet might decide I’m not capable…”

Captain Sisko sighed, “Then I’ll go to bat for you,” he replied firmly. “I’m sure there will be those who try to protest your competency, but I’ll be your advocate if you want me to be…”

Dr. Grayson suddenly sighed, knowing that she needed to talk to her sister about why she was there in case there was the _possibility_ of being offered a posting on the _Spokane_ , “Doctor Bashir, Captain, I’m going to find Captain Grayson,” she spoke softly. “You two can and should talk alone.”

Julian looked concerned, but nodded because she was right in letting him open up about his issues to Sisko himself. Dr. Grayson offered a reassuring smile as she left the office and walked quickly to the Promenade. It didn’t take her long to find her sister; the woman was in Garak’s shop, silently looking over a PADD while Garak silently took her measurements in silence.

“Martha,” Dr. Grayson spoke quietly. “I see you’ve met the station’s tailor, Elim Garak.”

Captain Grayson looked up from the PADD, a surprised expression on her face, “Well, Mary, it’s good to see you,” she replied calmly. “That CMO is _quite_ the protective bulldog…”

Garak smirked as he finished the measurements and went about laying out some fabrics, “I don’t have a lot of time, so I’ll get to the point,” Captain Grayson spoke calmly. “I’ve missed you, Mary, and I want you serving on my ship. The _Spokane_ is going to the front lines and I’d absolutely _love_ it if you’d come be its Chief Medical Officer. It comes with a _promotion_.”

“I thought you were of the opinion that I was a psycho who needed to be locked away,” Dr. Grayson replied in a confused voice, frowning at her sister. “You didn’t come to the trial.”

Captain Grayson sighed, “I didn’t know what to say about any of it,” she explained softly. “I never expected you to _actually_ kill your husband. People _still_ talk about it.…”

“I never expected to actually _need_ to kill him, but it happened,” Dr. Grayson replied softly. "I almost _died_ cause of him."

Captain Grayson nodded, her expression sad, “I know,” she replied softly. “It’s _okay_.”

“A promotion and more time with my big sister sounds amazing, but I’m not feeling right about leaving the station right now,” Dr. Grayson explained in a concerned voice, frowning. “I’m aware that you could go to Starfleet and have me _ordered_ to your ship and I’d understand…”

Garak slipped into the back for more fabrics and Captain Grayson nodded, “Is it because of the rumors I’ve been hearing from top brass that Bashir’s been a bit of a nutcase since things happened to him at the internment camp?” she asked quietly. “There’s _talk_ about him…”

“Starfleet's top brass are _terrible_ people,” Dr. Grayson replied irritably. “They spread pointless rumors.”

Captain Grayson scoffed, “Not so pointless if you’re willing to pass up a _promotion_ and a CMO posting to stay here,” she replied quietly, sighing. “What _exactly_ can you tell me about Bashir?”

“Nothing that wouldn’t violate regulations,” Dr. Grayson replied softly. “I’m sorry, Martha.”

Captain Grayson sighed, “You do _realize_ that he’s probably not going to get any further in the ranks because he’s an Augment, mentally unstable, and a single father?” she asked in a command tone. “Deep Space Nine is the best posting he’ll ever get cause Starfleet can’t trust he’s stable enough for anything bigger.”

“And the rumors will only get _worse_ , so he obviously needs people to stand by him,” Dr. Grayson spoke firmly. “I don’t care if he’s an Augment and I don’t care what Starfleet thinks of him. I _won’t_ be joining you on the _Spokane_.”

Captain Grayson looked amused, “Whether Bashir’s aware of it or not, this war is giving him a _free pass_ from the consequences of being who he is,” she replied firmly. “Starfleet’s never going to let him do _anything_ more than be the Chief Medical Officer here and anyone who wants to stand by him is only going to hold themselves back. I’m trying to protect you, little sister.”

Just then, Garak came out with more fabrics, “Captain Grayson, have you made your selections yet?” he asked in an official voice, secretly disgusted with the fact that Starfleet brass seemed _extremely_ unhappy with Julian Bashir. “I can have things ready for you in a few days.”

“These aren’t just for me, they’re also for my crew,” Captain Grayson spoke calmly. “I’ll take this catalogue and let the crew have a look. I’ll get you some information by this evening.”

Garak swallowed hard as Captain Grayson left with the catalogue in hand; he felt extremely unhappy that she was trying to encourage people to leave Julian be when he was in a situation where he needed endless support and compassion, “Elim, I’m sorry about her,” Dr. Grayson spoke softly. "Martha...she's always been a bit formal. It's the Starfleet in her."

“You aren’t her and I can see why you haven’t spoken to your family in years, my dear Mary,” Garak replied in a calming voice as he looked at her. “Really… _rumors_ about Doctor Bashir's competency...My _God_ , what is Starfleet coming to?…”

Dr. Grayson sighed, “He doesn’t _need_ to know about the rumors right now,” she replied firmly. “All right?”

“My lips are sealed,” Garak promised kindly. “Are you here to get some new civilian clothes?”

Dr. Grayson exhaled, “I was actually checking in to see if you were done with those surprise baby clothes and blankets you were making for Doctor Bashir?” she asked in a sly voice. "I know they're one of your secret projects.

“My dear, _really_ , I can’t keep a secret from you!” Garak replied in a kind voice, smirking. “They’re _progressing_.”

Before Dr. Grayson could reply, however, Miles wandered into the shop, “Um, Garak, I was wondering if I could ask you something?” he asked nervously. “I want to plan a surprise.”

“A surprise for Doctor Bashir, no doubt,” Garak reasoned calmly. “What kind of surprise?”

Miles nodded, “Well, I was chatting with Jadzia in Quark’s and she suggested the idea of a baby shower for Julian after the wedding’s over,” he explained quietly. “I asked if she and Worf were all right with sharing their special day and they said they were. We _were_ planning one for next month, but then Ricky came early and Julian really doesn’t have anything he needs…”

“I think that’s a _lovely_ idea,” Garak replied in a delighted voice. “How can I be of help?”

As Garak and Miles discussed the baby shower, Dr. Grayson slipped out of the shop and headed back towards the infirmary. She was unsurprised to find Julian already there, his attention entirely on Ricky as he sat beside the neonatal chamber, quietly humming a gentle lullaby while working to fill in what looked like a baby book on a PADD. He seemed content for the moment, but who knows if that mood would last as the war and his personal situation continued to progress?


	10. Coming to Know Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In sync with 'You Are Cordially Invited.'

**_April 2374_ **

At the end of the week, everyone on the station and a few visiting guests, including the off-duty crew of the _Spokane_ , came together for Worf and Jadzia’s wedding ceremony in Quark’s. Just mere hours before the ceremony, however, Julian was in the infirmary with Ricky, who was wrapped in a blanket, resting in his arms. Thanks to the medication he was now on, Julian was beginning to have a clearer head when it came to finding balance in what was now his life.

Contrary to what everyone else believed, Julian was perfectly aware of the rumors that Starfleet’s top brass thought him a nutcase and had been aware of their opinion since Sisko had stuck his oar in and temporarily transferred him to Starbase 375 a few months back. Instead of lashing out about it, however, Julian had silently deferred to his Captain’s judgement about the situation.

And also contrary to popular belief, Julian had _no_ desire to attend the wedding himself and was perfectly content to spend the day with Ricky while everyone else celebrated. He was _tired_ of advice, having food shoved in his face, and questions about if people could come see his baby.

Ricky suddenly cooed, bringing Julian out of his thoughts and prompting him to look down at his now week-old son, “Hey there,” Julian spoke softly. “I’m glad you’re awake…”

Footsteps suddenly entered the infirmary, “Julian, I was wondering if you were coming to the wedding?” Jadzia asked in a kind voice. “I have to go get dressed soon, but I thought…”

“No, I think I’ll just stay here with Ricky so he doesn’t have to be alone while everyone else on the station celebrates,” Julian replied softly. “Besides, _someone_ has to hand out hangover cures to all those who will be getting knackered on bloodwine and other alcohol at the reception.”

Silence filled the room and Julian looked up to see that Jadzia wasn’t alone; Dr. Grayson, Worf, and Dr. Girani were with her, “Oh, he’s so cute!” Jadzia exclaimed, smiling at Ricky.

“Doctor Bashir, I am _sorry_ for our earlier conflict,” Worf spoke quietly, his expression as serious as it ever was. “I did not mean to imply that you were incapable. I was merely concerned for your health and since the explosion, I have felt…guilty. I have come to seek your forgiveness.”

Julian looked surprised, “Julian, do you think I could hold him?” Jadzia asked eagerly, her expression excited. “I know he can’t be around too many yet, but even just for a moment…”

“I suppose a moment wouldn’t hurt,” Julian conceded as he rose. “Have a seat.”

Jadzia did and Julian passed Ricky to her, unaware that Dr. Girani had snuck a photo of the two of them cooing over Ricky and didn’t see her take another. After a moment, Jadzia returned Ricky to Julian and got up, “Thank you,” she replied calmly. “I…I should go get ready.”

Julian sat back down as Jadzia left, “There’s nothing to forgive, Commander Worf,” he replied in a calm voice, gazing up at the Klingon. “You best hurry so you won’t be late for your own…”

“I would like it very much if you came and bore a Ma'Staka,” Worf replied calmly. “You were not able to participate in the Kal'Hyah, but I still do consider you a friend. Please accept.”

Julian sighed, “If I can get someone to watch Ricky in his chamber…” he began softly.

“I can,” Dr. Grayson replied in a reassuring voice. “It’s time he got some rest now anyway.”

Nodding, Julian gently kissed Ricky’s forehead before returning him to the chamber, “If you’ll come with me, Doctor Bashir, I had some appropriate attire made up for you,” Worf said calmly.

Sighing, Julian reluctantly followed Worf from the infirmary, “I can round a up a nurse for you, Doctor Grayson, if you wanted to come,” Dr. Girani spoke calmly. “You should come…”

“I’m not one for weddings, but thank you,” Dr. Grayson replied calmly. “Enjoy yourself.”

Dr. Girani nodded and left in a hurry so to have time to get a good seat at the ceremony. A moment later, Garak stepped out of the shadows, “I thought they’d _never_ leave,” he spoke in a mock annoyed voice. “I booked a room for the shower because Quark’s was booked _solid_ …”

“Go and get things set up,” Dr. Grayson replied. “We’ll be along after I do a final checkup.”

An impish smile filled Garak’s face as he nodded and quietly slipped out of the infirmary.

* * *

* * *

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* * *

Swinging the Ma’Stakas at Worf and Jadzia had been fun and good physical exercise, but Julian quickly grew tired and sat at a table while the Klingon wedding reception proceeded according to how Worf had planned it. Everyone was dancing, laughing, talking eating, and drinking…everyone but Julian. However, Julian was fine with just sitting and watching the party.

The medication had eased his paranoia and depression considerably, but his mind was focused entirely on his son…his son was in the neonatal chamber without a clear picture of when he’d ever see anything else. As much fun as a wedding reception was supposed to be, it wasn’t for him and he wanted to leave as soon as he felt it polite. Without warning, his combadge beeped.

“Yes?” Julian asked as he tapped his combadge. “This is Doctor Bashir.”

A sigh filled the combadge, “ _Doctor Bashir, I was wondering if I could see you in my office_?” Captain Sisko’s calm voice suddenly filled the combadge. “ _I’d like to have a chat with you_.”

Figuring that Captain Sisko wanted to do a mental health check, which he was perfectly allowed to do for any officer under his command, Julian sighed, “On my way, sir,” he replied softly.

As Julian got up and made his way over to the exit, he was unaware that Miles had seen him get up and was now following him from a distance. The party had suddenly quieted, but Julian didn’t even notice because he was out in the corridor, on his way to the Bridge and Sisko’s office.

Just as Julian was near the end of the Promenade, Sisko suddenly stepped off of a lift and walked over to him, “Doctor, how are you?” he asked in a kind voice. “I thought I’d come meet you.”

“I suppose this is a mental health check?” Julian asked softly. “To see if my meds are working?”

Captain Sisko shook his head, “No, actually, I wanted to let you know that I’ve found replacement quarters for you if you’re getting tired of staying with Chief O’Brien,” he explained in a calm voice. “You seem to be doing a lot better emotionally and physically…”

“That’s something I have to think about, I guess, since his family will probably come back soon and I don’t want to be an imposition,” Julian replied softly. “I’ve got to have room for two…”

Thoughts of the recent Orb vision suddenly clouded Julian’s thoughts and he sank slightly, but Captain Sisko grabbed hold of him, “Doctor?” Captain Sisko asked in a concerned voice.

“A few days ago, I was in the Bajoran Temple for a quiet moment and the Orb there threw me into another reality," Julian explained softly, his expression haunted. "I was so confused..."

Nodding, Captain Sisko studied him calmly, “And you want to tell me about it?” he asked softly.

Julian nodded, “I was alone near the airlock of the station and having the feeling that I had just said goodbye to someone,” he explained in a quiet voice. “I was in uniform and nobody was around; not even Ricky was with me. I walked through the Promenade and nobody was around; nobody responded when I called out for help. A cold wind suddenly blew through the Promenade and it made me feel uneasy. I could feel distress in the air the sound of people crying filled my ears. All of a sudden, I felt a pop and I was bleeding. My hand got stained in my blood.”

A concerned expression crossed Captain Sisko’s face, as he _had_ felt something disturbing that day and hadn’t known what it was. Now that he did know, however, he wanted to help. He had a sense that Julian’s disturbing vision surrounded things yet to come for him and for everyone.

For a moment, Captain Sisko was silent and then sighed, “I’ll ponder it,” he replied in a reassuring voice, offering a smile. “Would you like to see your new family quarters now?”

Nodding, Julian swallowed hard, “Yes sir,” he replied softly, feeling very unsettled.

* * *

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* * *

The journey to the Habitat Ring was slow, as Sisko wanted to make sure Julian took it as physically easy as possible, but they eventually made it. It was a set of quarters not far from his old ones and close to the O’Brien family quarters in case he needed any help with anything.

When Captain Sisko led Julian into the quarters, it was strangely dark, “Computer, lights,” the older man spoke kindly, a smile on his face as light filled the room, revealing station personnel including Odo, Quark, Kira, Rom, Leeta, Nog, Jake, Kasidy, Miles, Worf, Jadzia, Sirella, Martok, Garak, and a pile of wrapped, various sized packages that sat on the floor.

“What…what is all this?” Julian asked in a confused voice, frowning. “Worf, Jadzia…your…”

Jadzia, who was still wearing her Klingon wedding attire, came over and promptly gave Julian a hug, “We decided to end the reception early and give you a surprise baby shower,” she explained in a warm voice, smiling at him. “You’ve been through a _lot_ lately and we wanted to help you.”

“Oh, well, thank you,” Julian replied politely even though he truly hated surprise parties.

Noise filled the room as Miles dragged Julian over to the couch and had him sit in front of the biggest of the gifts in the pile, “Start with this one,” Miles spoke in an excited voice. “Please?”

Julian nodded and his jaw dropped when he unwrapped the package, revealing a handmade wooden rolling crib complete with furnishings and a small mobile of planets hanging above it, “Miles, this is amazing!” he replied in an astonished voice. “Did you make all of this yourself?”

“Um, actually Garak sewed the softer parts,” Miles replied, smirking. “I’m glad you like it.”

Julian gingerly touched the crib before a brief sadness hit him, as he had no idea when Ricky would be well enough to try it out, “Doctor, I suggest you open my gift next,” Garak spoke, noticing the forlorn expression on Julian’s face as he dumped a large package in his lap.

Nodding, Julian opened the package and was stunned to see several handmade, very warm looking outfits meant for Human babies as well as a few colorful blankets, bibs, socks, hats, and burping towels. Garak had obviously put a great deal of work into everything that was there.

Overcome with emotion at missing Ricky and the beauty of the gift, Julian quietly rose with the package in his hands and excused himself to the lavatory for privacy. There, he started to cry.

A few moments passed and Julian suddenly heard the door open and close, “My dear, I had no idea the clothes would have such an effect on you,” Garak’s voice suddenly spoke softly.

“Garak, I just miss Ricky _so much_ ,” Julian spoke shakily, exhaling. “I know he’s not far, but…”

The tears continued and Julian suddenly felt himself being held in a gentle hug from behind, “It’s been a while and I admit, I missed the concept of hugging,” Garak spoke quietly. “Did you?”

“I’ve been just trying to survive,” Julian replied, sighing as he relaxed. “This feels nice…”

Garak rested his head on Julian’s shoulder and the two just stood there for a moment, enjoying the quiet togetherness, “We should get back,” Julian finally said. “People…will talk.”

“Oh, they _already_ are and I told them they could either busy themselves with snacks or just leave,” Garak replied in an amused voice, smiling as Julian turned around. “Hello there.”

Julian smiled, “You always know how to cheer me up, Garak,” he replied softly. “Thank you.”

For a moment, Garak sensed that Julian wanted to do nothing more than kiss him and Garak wished he would, but then realized that it would be dreadfully wrong to take advantage of someone as fragile as Julian currently was. Julian, meanwhile, wanted to thank Garak with as much love as had been offered, but he wondered if the man was still grieving over Ziyal and if such an advance would be inappropriate, “We should go back,” Julian finally said softly, his expression concerned while his eyes remained full of longing. “The guests will wonder.”

Garak nodded and stuck close to Julian as they returned to the party, which was a lot quieter because some had indeed left. Julian settled himself on the couch and set the clothes in the crib as Odo, Quark, Kira, Rom, Leeta, Nog, Jake, Kasidy, Miles, Worf, Jadzia, Sirella, Dr. Girani, the off-duty nurses, and Martok came back over to the couch with food and drink, “I hope these clothes still fit by the time Ricky is released,” Julian spoke calmly as if nothing had happened.

Smirking, Garak patted Julian’s knee affectionately as the door chime suddenly rang. “You may want to answer that _personally_ ,” Garak replied, removing his hand. “Might be a _late_ guest.”

Frowning, Julian got up and walked over to the door. He pressed the button and froze when he saw Dr. Grayson standing there with Ricky, who was wearing a blue sleeper that looked like it had been made by Garak, laying in a modern stroller with a simple blue blanket over him.

“Ricky,” Julian spoke softly, his expression stunned. “I…I didn’t know he was allowed to be out of the neonatal chamber and even Sickbay yet. What time do…do I have to take him back?”

Dr. Grayson paused, “He’s well enough to be with you in your new family quarters, Doctor Bashir,” she explained in a kind voice, smiling at him. “I just had to get him ready.”

“Did you want to come join the party?” Julian asked kindly. “You’re welcome to.”

Dr. Grayson offered a smile, “I have a meeting with Captain Grayson, but I’ll try to stop by after,” she promised softly, moving the stroller to him. “Save me a slice of cake, will you?”

Nodding, Julian silently moved the stroller into the quarters, “Ricky’s _home,_ ” he said softly.

Quiet, delighted talking filled the room and Julian moved the stroller over to the couch so everyone could look at Ricky, “This is an occasion for a family picture!” Nurse Jabara proclaimed, producing a holo-camera from her pocket. “Doctor Bashir, you sit in the middle with Ricky in your arms and everyone else should sit beside them on the couch or stand…”

Garak remained in place beside where Julian sat with Ricky in his arms and Miles sat on the other side while Sisko, Jadzia, Worf, Odo, Quark, Kira, Rom, Leeta, Nog, Jake, Kasidy, Martok, Sirella, and others who wanted to be in the picture assembled themselves accordingly. Nurse Jabara then took another picture with just Julian, Ricky, Kira, Garak, Sisko, Worf, Jadzia, Odo, Quark, Rom, Leeta, Nog, and Jake before sending them to Julian’s computer for downloading.

Ricky suddenly started fussing and so Julian quickly moved the clothes from the crib and set him gently in it, prompting the little one to immediately relax, “I’m just going to move this crib into my bedroom so Ricky can have quiet,” Julian said, standing. “He seems to want that right now.”

Pleasant conversations and chuckling filled the air as Julian moved the rolling crib into what was his new bedroom, “I’m sorry about that, my sweet son,” he spoke softly. “They all just wanted to see you now that you’re out of that nasty box. You’ll get used to them as you’re around them.”

Ricky merely drifted back to sleep and cooed in the process. A moment passed before Miles came into the room holding a blanket and a filled bottle, “I found these in the stroller,” he spoke in a quiet voice, sighing when he saw that Julian was gazing fondly at the sleeping Ricky.

“I should probably think about a rocking chair at some point,” Julian mused as he looked at Miles and took the items. “I’ll cover Ricky with the blanket, but I’ll wait til later…”

Miles nodded and Julian covered Ricky up before setting the bottle aside and returning to the party, most notably to the pile of unopened presents. With everyone watching, Julian returned to opening presents and ended up with a few puzzles appropriate for babies, a few stuffed animals, recipes for alien baby foods that were also good for Human babies, a case of targ milk, data-rods that contained children’s literature from various alien cultures, child-friendly holo-films and music, and small toys that were meant to assist with development. Julian’s heart was full.

“Thank you all for such lovely gifts,” Julian spoke in a kind voice. “We really appreciate them.”

Captain Sisko smiled, “As much fun as this is, most of us should get back to duty and Worf and Jadzia should spend some time together,” he spoke calmly. “Thanks for having us, Doctor.”

Julian nodded and watched as everyone except for Miles quietly excused themselves, “Oh, that was a lot,” Julian admitted softly, sighing as he sat on the couch. “Not that I’m not grateful…”

“You just hate surprise parties,” Miles finished quietly. “I know, but you needed some things and once people heard about my idea, they wanted to be included. Keiko’s got some things of Yoshi’s for you too that he doesn’t need anymore, but she’ll bring them when they come back to DS9.”

Julian looked surprised, but exhaled as he sank against the back of the couch, “I may just ask her for babysitting services while I’m on duty,” he replied calmly. “That is…if you’ve no objection?”

“Course I’ve got no objection,” Miles replied calmly. “Do you want me to stay over tonight?”

Julian nodded, “I hope you’re not offended that Ricky and I have our own space?” he asked.

“Not at all,” Miles reassured him calmly as he walked over to the replicator. “What do you…?”

No response came and Miles turned to see why, ultimately chuckling when he saw that Julian had fallen asleep sitting up. The older man walked back over to Julian and carefully moved him so he was laying on the couch. As Julian slept, Miles chuckled to himself and silently proceeded to go about the room, cleaning up the presents and the mess from the successful baby shower.

* * *

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* * *

Captain Sisko’s office was quiet, but it wasn’t empty. The Captain had come straight to his office from the baby shower because he had received a text communication on his PADD that he was needed in an important meeting, as was Kira. When they arrived, they were surprised to see Admiral Ross meeting with Captain Grayson and Doctor Grayson via a holo-stream.

“Captain, Major Kira, welcome,” Admiral Ross’s holo-stream said. “I’ve just been in conference with Captain and Doctor Grayson about several things. Apparently, Captain Grayson wants Doctor Grayson to transfer from Deep Space Nine and accept the post of Chief Medical Officer.”

Captain Sisko nodded and Kira sighed, “We’ll be sorry to see you go especially considering your ability to keep people safe and calm during Dukat’s reign of terror,” she spoke softly, sighing. “Especially what you did for Jake…I don’t think those soldiers will walk straight for a while.”

It was Sisko’s turn to look surprised, “What you did for Jake?” he asked in a confused voice.

“I’ve decided to grant Doctor Grayson’s request to remain on the station until the end of the year,” Admiral Ross spoke up calmly. “We’ll re-meet and re-assess that request then.”

Dr. Grayson nodded and Captain Grayson was unusually quiet as the sisters hugged, “Promise me that you’ll at least think about what I said, Mary,” Captain Grayson said softly. “Love you.”

“I’ll think on it,” Dr. Grayson promised softly. “I have to get to my duty station. Love you too.”

Captain Sisko frowned, but didn’t stop Dr. Grayson from leaving and sighed once Admiral Ross’s holo-feed vanished shortly thereafter, “I would love some clarification on what Colonel Kira was talking about,” Captain Sisko spoke calmly. “From both you and her. What happened?”

“I’m _not_ going to betray Mary’s confidence, but Admiral Ross approved her to remain here for the rest of the year under Doctor Bashir based on what we were both told,” Captain Grayson spoke in an unusually concerned voice. “Doctor Bashir will get the full details of why she’s remaining, but it would be unethical and inappropriate for me to gossip about my sister.”

Captain Sisko looked at Kira questioningly, “Would Jake tell me if I asked him?” he asked softly.

“He _might_ ,” Kira replied softly, sighing. “You might not like what he has to tell you, though.”

A sense of dread filled Sisko’s heart as Kira and Captain Grayson left the office. He waited a moment before rising and making his way through Ops and down to the Promenade, relieved to find it still very quiet. It wasn’t very long into his walk that he saw Garak and Dr. Grayson talking quietly in Garak’s Clothiers while looking over what appeared to be a catalogue.

_I’ll give Dr. Bashir time to look over the notes that Admiral Ross sent him and let him handle this however he wants to._ Captain Sisko thought as he continued down the Promenade to simply make sure everything was running smoothly. If he _did_ need to be told, Dr. Bashir would make sure it happened.


	11. First Sight of Sorrow

**_June 2374_ **

The war was ongoing, but Julian found himself strangely at peace. Even after being temporarily shrunken in an odd ship, he was content with how his life was. He had established a routine with Keiko’s return to the station: he would wake with Ricky and feed both of them in the morning before carting Ricky and all of his necessary items over to Keiko, Molly, and Yoshi for the entirety of the day shift. He would pick Ricky up around dinner and they would go home.

Fortunately for him, Ricky was a very peaceful baby and so the evenings were quiet and Julian did, on occasion, want to go to Quark’s with Miles for darts or a holo-suite game, but his responsibilities as a parent came first and foremost. Besides, Miles would come by most evenings for a portable dart game after his family was asleep and that was enough for now.

On one of the rare days he actually had off, Julian was rocking Ricky in a swing that Miles had made for him whilst checking messages and scheduling from his computer. Most of the messages were well-wishes from people throughout the ranks and on the station, but some were official and one was a message from Captain Grayson, asking how her sister was doing on the station.

At that message, Julian froze; he had thought that Dr. Grayson had left on the _Spokane_ after indicating that she might, which was her reason for not showing up to the baby shower. He was now concerned and found himself checking the Sickbay work schedule, which caused his jaw to drop in both anger and shock: Dr. Grayson had been working night shifts since late March and nobody had thought to message him about it. He was _supposed_ to be Chief Medical Officer!

“Bashir to Odo,” Julian spoke in a concerned voice, tapping a button on his computer. “Got a sec?”

There was a brief silence, “Odo here,” a gruff voice replied. “What’s the problem?”

“Could you come to my quarters for a chat?” Julian asked in a concerned voice. “Right now?”

Without waiting for a response, Julian ended the call and decided to not tell Captain Grayson that he didn’t know anything about it. By the time the message made it to her, it would be irrelevant.

The door chime rang, “Come in,” Julian called out, hoping that Ricky wouldn’t get upset.

Odo slithered under the door and rematerialized, prompting Ricky, who was awake and being quiet, to babble happily, “Well, good morning to you too,” Odo replied pleasantly, smiling at the infant before looking at Julian. “You called me on a secure channel, so I assume it’s urgent?”

“Yeah,” Julian spoke quietly. “Did you know that Doctor Grayson didn’t transfer to the _Spokane_? I thought she did because I haven’t seen her since that day she brought Ricky from Sickbay.”

Odo paused and Julian frowned at his colleague, “You _knew_ that she didn’t leave,” he realized.

“I know you were not here during Dukat’s reign of terror, so I’ll be as blunt as I can,” Odo replied in an unusually solemn voice. “There was endless violence against people on this station and the good doctor stepped in to help. I knew the situation would get grim fast, so I _pretended_ to be aligned with the Female Changeling and the Dominion so that Mary could escape…”

Julian frowned, “ _Escape_?” he replied worriedly. “She told me she would be fine here!”

“She said she could _handle it_ , not that she would be fine,” Odo corrected. “She can _handle_ a _lot_.”

Julian suddenly felt guilty and it must have shown on his face because Odo sighed, “Really, Doctor Bashir, you were pregnant and not capable of enduring such a thing under such terrible circumstances,” Odo explained bluntly. “If you _really_ want to know about it now, though…”

“Nerys mentioned Jake as well,” Julian spoke worriedly. “What _exactly_ happened?”

Odo sighed, “This story will take a long time and if I wasn’t certain of the obvious distress not knowing is causing you, I would keep quiet,” he replied calmly. “I _hope_ you have some time.”

Julian nodded and waited patiently as Odo got himself situated, sighing only when Odo spoke.

* * *

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* * *

The chime repeated again and again, but Jake Sisko lay in bed pointedly ignoring it. He was tired from his late-night counseling session in the holosuite with Dr. Grayson, but the sessions had been helping; they weren’t just boring sessions in Sickbay, they were some sort of activity and conversation only when either of them felt like it. He was beginning to feel better.

“Jake?”

Jake groaned as he opened his eyes, his expression shocked when he saw his father standing beside his bed looking worried, “You’re sleeping at this time of day?” Captain Sisko asked in a concerned voice as he sat on the edge of the bed. “If you’re sick, you should tell Doctor…”

“I’m _not_ sick, Dad, just tired,” Jake replied, grabbing a notebook off the table and sitting further up as he thrust it into his hands. “I get late night counseling. That’s my therapy journal.”

Captain Sisko frowned, “Therapy journal?” he replied. “Late night counseling with whom?”

“Doctor Grayson does the night shifts in Sickbay with Jabara and leaves Jabara to run the place while we go to the holosuite for an activity and talk,” Jake explained groggily, sighing as he realized his father didn’t know. “I got beat up a _lot_ by the Dominion when you were gone and Grayson helped me a lot. She rents a holosuite and we do an activity and talk about it…”

At a loss for words, Captain Sisko opened the journal and thumbed through it. Jake had kept logs of the activities, what they had talked about, and how he had felt as a result of the counseling. He also mentioned injuries and how his journalism talent had gotten him into trouble while his father had been away. Jake sighed and Captain Sisko responded by returning the journal to him.

“I _hope_ she’s not in trouble,” Jake mused worriedly, frowning. “I didn’t want Doctor Bashir to worry about either of us, so we’ve hidden the sessions well. I’m sure he’s found out by now…”

Captain Sisko sighed, “She won’t be in trouble, but Doctor Bashir may have a few gentle words with her about keeping secrets from the station’s Chief Medical Officer,” he replied in a reassuring voice. “I’m assuming Major Kira and Odo are aware of this situation?”

“They threatened Quark with a year in jail and a broken hand if he dared comment on why we were doing late night sessions in the holosuite,” Jake explained softly. “Nog knows too, but I swore him to secrecy and he’s pretty good about keeping secrets for me…”

Captain Sisko nodded, “If Doctor Bashir doesn’t get too upset, I’d like to keep meeting with her but maybe not so late at night,” Jake admitted with a yawn. “Humans need their sleep.”

Smiling, Captain Sisko kissed Jake’s forehead before getting up, “Thank you for telling me,” he spoke in a calming voice. “You get some rest and I’ll go see what else I can learn about this.”

Jake nodded and quickly returned to sleep while Captain Sisko silently showed himself out.

* * *

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* * *

The conversation between himself and Odo had taken several hours and Julian had wanted it that way because he wanted every detail that Odo was willing to provide. When Odo had finally left, Julian spent time in deep thought while feeding himself and Ricky. Once both of them were fed, he found himself wanting to talk with his colleague about the information he had gotten.

With that thought in mind, Julian found himself at the O’Brien’s door near dinner time with Ricky and the the things Ricky would need overnight and was relieved when Keiko answered, “Julian,” Keiko answered warmly, smiling at them. “How are you doing?”

“I’m all right, but I need a favor,” Julian replied smoothly. “I’ve got some medical research to do tonight and it’ll be an all nighter of work for me. Would you and Miles be willing to babysit?”

Keiko nodded and Julian handed Ricky over, “Thank you,” Julian spoke softly. “Bye Ricky!”

Ricky merely yawned and fell asleep in Keiko’s arms as Julian handed over a bag of supplies he had put together for the night, “I’ll be back in the morning,” Julian promised. “Thanks again.”

Once Keiko had gone inside with Ricky, Julian silently made his way from the Habitat Ring to the Promenade and his first stop was Quark’s, as it was around the time that Odo indicated that Jake and Dr. Grayson would visit with a holosuite booking. Quark, however, was alone in the bar and looking quite bored, “Evening, Quark,” Julian said calmly. “Anyone using the holosuites?”

“Usually, yes, but not tonight,” Quark replied irritably, a sigh in his voice. “Why?”

Julian sighed and gave Quark a look, prompting Quark to eye him, “You _know_ ,” Quark realized.

“I know,” Julian admitted in a quiet, but firm voice. “What time are they scheduled for?”

Quark scoffed, “Not tonight and not until next week,” he replied calmly. “Dunno why.”

Nodding, Julian left the bar and frowned when he suddenly noticed an unusually somber looking Garak skittering out of his shop and down the hallway carrying a handmade pillow and blanket, anxiously gazing around to make sure he wasn’t being followed. Julian moved just out of sight and watched as Garak disappeared into the infirmary down the corridor with the items.

Deeply concerned as to what was happening in what was supposed to be _his_ infirmary, Julian wandered down the corridor and swallowed hard as he silently entered the infirmary, “…I spotted him in Quark’s, but my dear, you should really have told him before now,” Garak’s voice filtered through the air. “And you ought not to kick all the nurses out. You need help to do…”

An anxious squawk filled the air, “For God’s sake, Elim, sit down before you faint,” Dr. Grayson’s voice spoke in a mock annoyed tone. “I never knew you to be so squeamish.”

“Mary, how can you just slip that into your arm without so much as a flinch?” Garak replied.

Julian had heard enough and he moved further into the infirmary just in time to see Garak sit in a chair beside one of the biobeds where Dr. Grayson was sitting in uniform with a strange looking syringe taped to an arm that had the sleeve rolled up, “What’s this?” Julian asked in a concerned voice, frowning as he eyed the set up and saw the pillow and blanket on the biobed.

“Around the time that Commander Worf and Commander Dax were preparing to get married, I started feeling off,” Dr. Grayson explained softly. “I ran a scan and I’ve got issues…”

Julian frowned, “I managed to synthesize a chemotherapy type drug that will help, but it makes me unfit for ship duty,” Dr. Grayson spoke softly. “Elim helped me get the supplies…”

“Why didn’t you let me know?” Julian asked in an upset voice. “I could have _helped_ …”

Dr. Grayson sighed, “In hindsight, I _should_ have,” she replied softly. “I do apologize.”

Julian sighed and Dr. Grayson offered him a PADD, “My data,” she explained quietly.

“I’d actually prefer to run my own scan because one cannot scan themselves,” Julian replied in a calm, but professional voice. “I might be able to offer you a less physically taxing solution.”

Dr. Grayson sighed, but laid down and Julian silently proceeded to run a scan while Garak watched from his chair, “So was Jake part of the ruse?” Julian asked in a quiet voice.

“No, but he knows I’m not feeling well and will need several days to recover from this,” Dr. Grayson replied in a tired voice. “It took a while to get, but it seemed like the best option…”

Julian eyed the scans carefully and then watched as the drug began interacting with her body, “I don’t think you’ll need more than the single dose,” he finally spoke. “It’s a tumor in one ovary and it’s cancerous, but I can remove it safely and put you on less horrible medicine.”

“Jake knows,” Dr. Grayson spoke softly, sighing. “He's concerned. Could you maybe check on him for me while I'm recovering, Doctor Bashir? Just to make sure he stays on track?”

Nodding, Julian quickly moved out of sight to change into surgical clothes and get the things he needed to perform surgery. He wanted to call a nurse for help, but as he changed, he suddenly heard Dr. Grayson's soft voice speaking to what sounded like Jabara over a combadge.

When Julian was finally dressed and ready, he returned with the proper supplies and was surprised to see Jabara already there in a surgical outfit, “Elim, please tell Jhanathan he was right and so were you,” Dr. Grayson spoke softly, sighing. “I _should_ have said something sooner.”

“I'll be going while they do the surgery, but I'll be back in the morning to sit with you,” Garak spoke in a calming voice, sighing before he took his leave from the quiet Sickbay.

Julian smiled at his colleague kindly as he picked up a sedative hypospray from the tray, “I'm going to sedate you now,” he explained calmly. “When you wake, you'll be in a stasis field from the waist down so you can rest and at least Jabara will be here with you. Time to go to sleep.”

Using the gentlest touch he could manage, Julian sedated Dr. Grayson and then began to get to work because he knew that he and Jabara would need to work gently, but quickly to be of any help.

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

Hours later, after the surgery was complete and Nurse Jabara had kicked him out to go spend breakfast time with his son, Julian found himself back in his quarters with Ricky and all of the things he had left with the O'Briens the night before. He had wanted to stay to make sure post-op went well, but Jabara had reminded him that he also had a responsibility to his son.

Julian found himself quickly tiring while feeding Ricky breakfast and he was on the verge of falling asleep quickly enough that he thought about cutting breakfast short, putting Ricky down for a nap, going to bed, and sleeping until noon. Suddenly, however, his computer beeped.

“ _Incoming message from Earth_ ,” the computer spoke. “ _Incoming message from Earth_.”

Sighing, Julian set the food aside, “Computer, broadcast message,” he spoke in a soft voice.

Julian frowned when he saw his mother's face appear on the screen looking concerned and annoyed, “ _Julian, why didn't you tell me that Ricky was born premature?!_ ” Amsha Bashir asked in an upset voice. “ _I just heard through the newsfeeds that he was born back in April!”_

“Um, he was and he was very premature,” Julian replied nervously, frowning. “How are you?”

Amsha sighed, “ _Lonely_ ,” she replied in an irritated voice. “ _At least the Federation is allowing your father and I to write to each other, but it's lonely. I put in a request with the Federation that you get some time off so you can bring Ricky to meet me, but they refused the request.”_

Julian froze, “Mother, you _shouldn't_ have done that because it will send the message to the Federation that I'm not competent enough to do my job and be a single father,” he replied in a concerned, slightly upset voice. “Besides, any requests I make for visits to Earth or any requests made by others for me to visit Earth will be _denied_ until Father finishes his sentence...”

“ _So you and Ricky are stuck on the space station on the front lines_?!” Amsha asked worriedly.

Julian sighed, “I'm afraid so, but I get people to babysit him while I'm working,” he replied.

“ _That station is not safe for a baby_!” Amsha snapped. “ _You nearly lost him in an explosion_!”

Anxiety began to fill Julian and he realized that he was in need of his mood stabilizers, “ _Why would the Federation even let you keep him there_?” Amsha spoke angrily. “ _I've heard stories._..!”

“Have you been trying to push the Federation to try and get Ricky taken away from me to give him to you?” Julian asked in a confused, slightly frightened voice. “Mother, did you?”

Amsha scoffed, “ _I'm under house arrest for a year, Julian, and people don't visit!_ ” she replied anxiously, realizing the conversation was going badly. “ _Your work is your life and grandparents do have rights in this century. I simply asked Starfleet if they could evacuate Ricky to Earth while you're busy with the war because that filthy station is no place for a helpless infant! And you're still recovering from what happened to you in the camp! Can you even handle a baby?!”_

Nausea filled Julian, but he sighed anxiously to curb it, “Computer, end call,” he ordered softly.

As the call ended, Julian got up and silently moved Ricky from his highchair to his swing, placing his blanket on the child in hopes that he would nap. He couldn't believe that his mother was so lonely and desperate for company that she would file a request with Starfleet to force her grandchild to Earth regardless of how the grandchild's parent would feel about the separation.

_This is for the best, Jules._ His father's voice echoed through Julian's mind as he sat on the couch and tried to calm himself. The phrase, spoken with a tone of patronizing demand, was one of the last phrases his father had uttered before taking him to Adigeon Prime for the genetic enhancement procedures. He felt like yet again, his parents were being unfair and demanding.

The door chime suddenly rang, prompting Julian to swear loudly, forgetting Ricky's presence.

“Come in,” Julian spoke, quickly calming himself in case it was an official visit.

The door slid open and Captain Sisko came in with a tablet in hand, “Doctor, I thought I should talk to you personally,” he spoke in a concerned voice. “Starfleet sent me an urgent message...”

“My mother just called me about it,” Julian replied grimly. “She's trying to take Ricky away from me."

Captain Sisko sighed, “She's filed paperwork with Starfleet deeming that you're not a fit guardian due to your PTSD and that Deep Space Nine isn't a safe place for a child,” he explained in a solemn voice. “Starfleet asked me to handle it, but has already told her that transporting an infant to Earth would take time and resources we don't have available right now because of the war.”

Julian exhaled anxiously, his expression sad, “She's lonely because she's under house arrest and she and my father can only write,” he explained bitterly. “I told her that I'm not allowed to visit Earth or not allowed to be summoned to Earth until Father's done his sentence, but she wants me to send Ricky on his own. If Starfleet _forces_ me, I don't know if I'll ever see my son again...”

“I managed to talk to JAG personally and got them to agree to a compromise,” Captain Sisko explained as he came over to the couch, sat, and showed Julian the tablet. “Have a look.”

Julian took the tablet and scanned it, “ _Parental fitness assessments_?” he replied. “Every _month_?”

“I don't like it either, Doctor, but it's what I was able to swing as your commanding officer,” Captain Sisko explained in a concerned voice. “Starfleet needs you where you are right now and there are resources here that can help you. I just need you to sign the contract if you agree...”

Julian sighed, “I thought we were doing well, but I've felt more lost than usual about certain things,” he admitted softly, his expression upset. “He's _not_ a typical baby and I'm _not_ a typical...”

The word _mother_ died on Julian's lips because he wasn't sure what he was; he was a man who had given birth and was now trying to raise an infant alone. He had tried to do what he could...

“I was told by Jake that Doctor Grayson would be unavailable for the next little while, but I've made other arrangements,” Captain Sisko spoke calmly. “You'll need to go to weekly counseling with Counselor Telnorri and also meet with myself or others on the senior staff who have had parental experience for guidance. I promise, though, that they will not try to take over your responsibilities as Ricky's parent. Your space and rights will be perfectly respected and you'll also need to be sure to keep taking the mood stabilizers you were prescribed.”

Swallowing hard, Julian gazed helplessly at Ricky; it wasn't _fair_ that his right to be a parent and parent however he liked was being called so much into question that he was now forced to prove his fitness for the job through ridiculous exercises. His dignity, skills, and competency had been thrown into question ever since the pregnancy had been forced upon him by the Dominion's experimentation and he was _sick_ of having to prove himself. It _wasn't_ just about him, though...

_I have to think of Ricky and what's best for him_. Julian thought silently as he was met with a smile by the infant who trusted him implicitly and had been nothing but a peaceful child who was extremely attached to his only parent. _Maybe learning how to be a better parent will actually help us become closer and I've still got too much pride, arrogance, and fear inside me._

“ _I love you_ ,” Julian spoke in a soft voice as he gently stroked Ricky's forehead briefly with his calloused fingers before turning back to Sisko and applying his signature to the proper line.

Not wanting to give himself a chance to reconsider, Julian handed the signed tablet to Sisko.


	12. Living Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This involves the aftermath of 'Tears of the Prophets.'

**_December 2374_ **

Section 31 had tried to recruit him, but had backed off simply because he had a child and leftover 'internal hardware' from his time in Internment Camp 375. Julian, however, didn't find Section 31's attempt to recruit him the worst of his problems. The worst of his problems was great loss.

Jadzia was dead and the Dax symbiont was off to find a new host. Ricky was 9 months and a few weeks old, but Julian was feeling strangely empty. Worf and the others were in the Sickbay, grieving Jadzia's body in private, but he had retreated to his quarters and was watching Ricky sleep soundly in the swing. Everything had happened so fast and now everyone, including Julian, was lost.

For once in his life, Julian had no desire to take any of his mood stabilizers or do his job. All he wanted to do was hide in his quarters with Ricky; perhaps they would be safe in the isolated space. He knew Starfleet would have something to say about that, however, and so he had to push himself to function. He had left Worf to grieve and was now rocking Ricky into a nap while seated on his couch.

The door chime suddenly rang and Julian sighed, “Come,” he spoke in a concerned voice.

A strange somberness filled the room as Captain Sisko entered carrying a tablet, “Doctor, I just thought you should know that I've transferred the information about your assessments to being Major Kira's responsibility,” he spoke in a somber voice, approaching the table. “I'm leaving Deep Space Nine.”

Julian frowned as Sisko dumped the tablet on the table as if he couldn't wait to be rid of it, “I _don't_ understand,” he spoke in a confused voice, shifting Ricky to his lap. “You said you would be there for us...”

“Jadzia's death happened because I _ignored_ the Prophets and perhaps they didn't even want Ricky to be born either,” Sisko spoke coldly, cutting Julian off with a dark expression on his face. “If they had _wanted_ Ricky Bashir to exist, they would have protected you both from the explosion...”

Anger filled Julian and he glared at Sisko, “Are you saying it would have been better if Ricky hadn't been given a chance to live?” Julian asked in an upset voice. “Did you want me to kill him once I found out I was pregnant? I remember that you _weren't_ exactly happy about me being pregnant at all!”

“I _did_ suggest to Starfleet that termination _might_ be easier than taking a needed doctor away from battle, but you were in a position where you were capable of making your own decision about it,” Captain Sisko admitted in a quiet, somber voice. “It _would_ have been easier, though! You wouldn't have had the mental breakdown that you did and I wouldn't have invited the Pah-Wraiths to target you if I had not bestowed an Emissarial blessing on you at Starbase 375! Ricky's existence nearly got you killed, Doctor...”

Having heard enough, Julian swore and rose with Ricky in his arms, “ _Get out_ ,” he spoke coldly, his expression furious and cold. “What happened to me may have been _unexpected_ , but I will not have you tell me that it would have been better for my son to die! I love him and I will _always_ love him!”

“Doctor Grayson's probably going to get transferred somewhere else because capable doctors are needed everywhere right now and I'm leaving, so you'll be overwhelmed!” Sisko snapped, his expression unusually angry. “Do us all a favor, Doctor Bashir, and admit that you can't handle it! Admit that you were foolish in trying to do this and admit that the Pah-Wraiths were _right_ about you!”

Julian froze as Ricky whimpered, not liking the tension in the room, “ _Right_ about me?” he asked.

“You're _weak_ and need to _grow up_!” Sisko snapped angrily. “You're so _weak_ that you needed others to help you get through the pregnancy and even help you decide if you wanted to keep it! You've come to depend on me and on everyone else so much that you don't even know if you can do things alone! If you were _really_ raising Ricky alone, would you be able to do it or would you let your dark side overwhelm you so much that you'd want to kill him like the Pah-Wraiths tried to?!”

Julian's eyes widened in anger as the door chime rang, “GET OUT!” he shouted, his expression furious.

“Life's not always meant to be easy or fair, Doctor, and you _need_ to realize that!” Captain Sisko snapped as he moved towards the door. “You need to learn to face reality and accept your limits!”

The door slid open, revealing Odo standing there and Sisko promptly stormed out having said what he felt Julian needed to hear. Ricky started to cry, shaken by the fight. Julian sighed as he cuddled Ricky close and struggled to keep from crying, but he could feel tears filling his eyes rather quickly.

“I got reports of a shouting match in here,” Odo spoke in an uneasy tone. “Did something happen?”

Julian sighed heavily as he gently rocked Ricky to the point where the infant quieted, “I...Sisko told me his _true_ feelings,” he managed to say in a quiet, somber voice. “I should get Ricky something to eat...”

Odo looked concerned about the tears, but he nodded and watched as Julian retrieved the small stroller from a corner of the living room, “Captain Sisko said he was leaving the station,” Julian said softly.

“It's what _everyone_ is saying,” Odo spoke worriedly, watching as Julian set Ricky in the stroller.

Ricky smiled at his father and Julian gently kissed Ricky's forehead, still deeply shaken by Sisko's unusually harsh words, “Daddy's going to take you to the Promenade,” Julian spoke soothingly.

Odo slipped away, as he knew something bad had happened, but he didn't know how to be of help.

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

“Ricky's grown _so_ much,” Dr. Grayson observed in a quiet voice as she and Julian sat at a table in the Replimat with Ricky sucking on a cookie as he sat in his stroller. “How are you doing, Doctor Bashir?”

Julian sighed, not sure what he should reveal about his encounter with Captain Sisko because he was still very hurt by the Captain's indication that Ricky would be better off dead, “I'm not sure,” he admitted quietly, his expression solemn. “Do you have any idea on where your next posting is?”

“The _Spokane_ got hammered in their last engagement with the Jem'Hadar, so she and her crew are back on Earth for refits and I'm still going to be here until Starfleet decides if they need me somewhere else,” Dr. Grayson explained, concerned by Julian's somberness. “What's wrong?”

Julian exhaled weakly, “Sisko...he implied that it might have been better if I hadn't given Ricky a chance to live and that things might have been _easier_ had I ended the pregnancy before the explosion in my old quarters nearly killed us,” he spoke shakily. “He also told me I needed to grow up...”

Dr. Grayson sighed, “Maybe it's _best_ that he leaves then,” she replied firmly, her expression upset. “I can't imagine he's _capable_ of being a leader right now if he lets pain get the better of his common sense enough to say such horrible things to you. Perhaps some time away will make him see sense...”

“He said I might lose my mind enough to want to hurt my son,” Julian spoke worriedly. “Will I?”

Dr. Grayson sighed, “I don't think so,” she replied reassuringly. “I've left refills of your medication with the other medical staff that should see you through the next little while. I will help however I can, but the war is raging and so I'm preparing the other staff to help you in the event that I have to leave..."

“I...what if I can't get anyone to help me?” Julian asked worriedly. “Maybe I was _too_ dependent on...”

Before Dr. Grayson could reply, Miles came into the Replimat and wandered over to their table, “Hey, Keiko commed me in Ops and said that you and Captain Sisko had a shouting match in your quarters?” Miles asked worriedly, frowning at Julian's somberness. “She said that a lot of harsh things...”

“I'd rather not talk about it right now,” Julian spoke quietly. “I just have to sort things out and talk to Kira about the assessments and ask if she can help me find someone to finish the classes...”

Miles scoffed, “I was just talking to Kira and said we'd do it, Julian,” he replied incredulously, offering his friend a reassuring smile. “Keiko and I...we don't mind helping wherever we can with that.”

“Really?” Julian replied in a surprised voice, letting out a sigh of relief. “Thank you both...”

Miles nodded and he tickled Ricky's face, causing the infant to coo happily, “I also heard you might be leaving us, Doctor Grayson,” he said, looking at Dr. Grayson expectantly. “The war's not going too well...”

Julian suddenly felt a bit of anxiety from what he felt would be a long, dark road ahead for him and his little son. He quickly contemplated what to do, as he would not let Sisko's words affect him to the point where Ricky would be harmed, and quickly reasoned that a walk might relax him. Tuning out the conversation between Miles and Dr. Grayson, Julian collected the stroller and left the Replimat with Ricky.

Everything was darker and a chill was in the air, but Julian kept his focus on Ricky as they wandered the Promenade together. The mood of the Promenade at that moment was very similar to the mood that had been present in the dream he had experienced months earlier. Had it been more than a dream?

The Bajoran Temple was suddenly within sight and Julian again felt drawn to it even though he had been attacked by an Orb last time he had visited. Ricky suddenly cooed, prompting Julian to look away from the temple and he sighed as he smiled at his son, “Should we go back to our quarters for a nap?” he asked in a kind, gentle voice. “You and I have had a _very_ long day and it might help us both.”

Ricky babbled and yawned, prompting Julian to nod and begin walking back through the Promenade to the Habitat Ring. He didn't need to visit the Bajoran Temple again, Julian reasoned anxiously, as he had already invoked the Emissary's anger by merely allowing his pregnancy and the existence of Ricky.

As Julian moved the stroller back through the Promenade, he noticed that Dr. Grayson and Jake were now sitting together in the Replimat and O'Brien had gone. Jake noticed him and waved, but Julian continued on without acknowledging Jake simply because it would lead to a conversation he didn't want to have. All Julian wanted to do was sit in his quarters with Ricky and help both of them to rest.

It didn't take long for them to get back to their quarters and Julian left the stroller in the living room while he took Ricky back to the bedroom they shared. Julian hummed a gentle lullaby as he settled Ricky in his crib with a blanket and a stuffed toy, but went quiet as he gathered Kukulaka from his pedestal and settled himself in the bunk that was next to the crib. He would only nap for a little while.

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

Sounds of the door chime were filling the air. The door suddenly slid open.

“Julian?”

Julian opened his eyes and found that Miles was standing beside his bed looking worried, “Have you and Ricky been asleep in here the whole day?” Miles asked in a worried voice. “Ricky's just waking.”

Sighing, Julian set Kukulaka on the bed, got up, and walked over to the crib just in time to see Ricky extend his arms upward with a sleepy expression on his face, “He seems unusually happy,” he observed in a confused voice as he picked Ricky up out of the crib. “It's almost as if he could read my mind...”

“Are you sure he's fully Human?” Miles asked in a concerned voice, frowning. “Who else was...?”

Julian frowned, cuddling Ricky, “I was never told,” he replied softly. “He _looks_ fully Human, but I have _no_ idea where the Jem'Hadar got the egg from. Doctor Grayson might know. Is she still...?”

“Yeah, but I'm not sure if she's on duty right now,” Miles admitted. “She saw Captain Sisko and Jake off and then went to her quarters, according to Garak. He was watching the whole thing from his shop.”

Julian nodded, “What time is it?” he asked groggily, ignoring the growling coming from his stomach.

“About dinnertime,” Miles replied calmly. “I brought you and Ricky some food from the Replimat.”

Julian held Ricky close as he wandered into the front room with Miles at his heels and saw a bowl of stew, some biscuits, a tall glass of milk, a child's bottle, and some baby food on a tray, “I was just so overwhelmed by what Captain Sisko said earlier,” Julian spoke softly. “It was...very hurtful.”

“Keiko was next door with Molly and Yoshi and she said it _sounded_ hurtful,” Miles commented, watching as Julian situated Ricky in the highchair with the baby food before sitting down himself. “I mean, I _know_ he's still grieving over Dax's death, but he _shouldn't_ have wished you and Ricky dead.”

Julian busied himself with feeding Ricky, pointedly ignoring his meal, “It's been said and now that I know how he feels, I can start learning to grow up,” he spoke bitterly. “I rely on others too much...”

“You don't _need_ to grow up,” Miles replied worriedly. “Julian, you're doing _extremely_ well considering what you've been through in the past while! You were held in an internment camp for a _month_ , surgically experimented on, made pregnant, and had to carry a baby to term despite everything in the galaxy working against you. Now, you've got a healthy son and you should be proud of yourself.”

Julian shrugged, “I'm _trying_ to be,” he admitted quietly, smiling as Ricky burped. “Aww...”

“I know it's not going to be easy to forget what Captain Sisko said...” Miles spoke in a worried voice.

Julian sighed, “I don't think I _can_ forget it,” he admitted sadly as he finished feeding Ricky. “There...”

To Julian's surprise, Ricky didn't fight when he was fed the milk like he used to and even allowed himself to be burped, “Time for a change and bed, I think,” Julian spoke softly as he stood. “I'll eat after he's asleep.”

Miles, however, sat at the table and waited while Julian changed Ricky, put him in bed, and cleaned up before returning to the table, “You didn't have to wait, Chief,” Julian spoke, diving into his meal as if he were starving.

“I brought a portable dartboard,” Miles spoke, picking up the darts and miniature board that was under the now empty tray. “I thought we could play a little to help you wind down after the day you've had...”

Julian ate his entire meal in silence before nodding, his expression tired, “Maybe a few rounds,” he spoke in a tired voice, sighing weakly. “If I go to sleep now, all I'm going to see is Captain Sisko saying those terrible...”

“Remember that you have to stand further back than me,” Miles spoke calmly, grinning. “And no letting me win!”

Nodding, Julian got up and moved to the far side of the room while Miles quickly set the portable dartboard up on the wall where they could play and also keep an eye on Ricky. It wasn't the same as playing in Quark's, Miles knew, but the game would do Julian a world of good and it would remind him that he wouldn't be alone in the grief that Sisko had left the small Bashir family in with his words. Any little act of compassion would help.


	13. What Love Is

** February 2375 **

Julian was _exhausted._

He was doing his best to work full duty shifts, eat, sleep, and raise Ricky alone, but it was a hard schedule because it left no time for himself. Colonel Kira was now in charge of the station and Starfleet was supporting her, but there were also other changes and Julian felt extremely overwhelmed.

While he worked, Keiko willingly took care of Ricky along with Kirayoshi and Molly simply because it would get Ricky used to socializing with strangers. Julian, however, had assumed complete responsibility for his son when he was not on duty for fear that Starfleet might deem him an unfit parent for seeing the need to rely on others. Such a situation had never made him feel so alone.

Starfleet had pulled Dr. Grayson from the station with very little warning and Julian didn’t know where she was now, as they had never gotten to say goodbye to each other. He had asked Starfleet where she had gone, but had been basically told to mind his own affairs and focus on handling his responsibilities.

Now, it was over two months since his blowup with Sisko and Julian was awake at 0500 trying to calm Ricky enough that he would sleep. He was so tired and yet, he had to stay awake for his little son.

_ The Promenade was dark and Julian was walking with Ricky in the chest sling, hoping the movement and sounds of the station at night would lull his little one to rest. _

__

_ A yawn escaped Ricky’s lips and Julian took the opportunity to sit on a bench and watch Ricky slowly settle into a sleep, “Oh, Ricky, I’m glad you’re feeling better,” Julian spoke softly, sighing gently. _

__

_ Once Ricky was asleep, Julian dared not move because he was scared of waking his son, but at the same time, he wanted to go to bed. He was so very tired and needed a proper rest in his own bed, but he would settle for having a catnap on a bench if it would just get them both through the night. He resigned himself to accepting that as the only way he would get some rest and closed his eyes. _

__

_ “Doctor?” _

__

_ Julian groaned softly, but didn’t open his eyes, “What is it?” he asked in a quiet, sleepy voice. _

__

_ “Is sleeping sitting up a new trend?” Garak’s voice suddenly asked as Julian felt a pair of familiar hands suddenly rest on his shoulders. “Ricky seems perfectly happy, but you can’t possibly be… _

__

_ Julian sighed sleepily, but opened his eyes to find Garak and Odo, “Oh, Constable, is there an emergency?” he asked in a tired voice. “Whatever it is, can we handle it quietly? Ricky…” _

__

_ “I’ve observed you for over a month walking the Promenade at night with Ricky because he won’t sleep,” Odo observed quietly, his expression concerned. “You’ve then done every day shift you’ve been assigned at peak efficiency. Sooner or later, Doctor, you’re going to break and you won’t be good for anything or to anyone. Maybe you should send your son to Earth where he can be looked after!” _

__

“…Ricky seems healthy enough, but what about Julian?” a gentle, familiar voice suddenly spoke.

“…Ricky’s daddy has been looking after him quite well, but hasn’t been looking after himself…”

Julian suddenly felt a hand touch his skin and he jerked awake, shocked to see that he was looking up at Odo, Kira, Doctor Girani, Nurse Jabara, and a concerned looking Miles, “Good to have you back, Julian,” Miles spoke worriedly. “You didn’t drop Ricky off at the usual time and Keiko found you passed out on the floor of your quarters. Ricky was in his highchair with food in front of him…”

“I was getting ready to feed him and I just got _so tired_ ,” Julian spoke softly. “I’m _still_ tired.”

Doctor Girani looked at a biomonitor above the bed, “You seem to have developed a mild case of influenza stemming from overexhaustion,” she replied. “You’ve been doing double shifts since Doctor Grayson left and then you’ve been taking care of your son. You’re _severely_ dehydrated right now…”

Grief filled Julian’s heart and he closed his eyes, too tired and unwilling to admit that he had deliberately overdone it to prove Sisko and the others that he could be successful as a parent.

“It’s probably best to let Doctor Bashir get some rest for now,” Julian heard Dr. Girani say softly as he drifted into a deep sleep. “Once he’s less dehydrated, I’ll release him from the infirmary…”

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

“Doctor?”

Exhaustion filled Julian’s body as he woke and found that the infirmary was unusually quiet. He slowly sat up and was surprised to see a dripline in his hand and a blanket covering him from the waist down.

A throat cleared and Julian looked up, deeply surprised to see that Garak was standing at the foot of his bed, “You never showed up for lunch and so I asked around,” Garak explained in a concerned voice, his expression worried. “Constable Odo said that you’ve been in the infirmary since early…”

“I apparently passed out in my quarters when I was feeding my son this morning and Keiko found me,” Julian explained in a weak, tired voice. “Doctor Girani says I have a mild case of the flu…”

Garak raised an eyebrow, “Well, I was going to tell you over lunch that the patterns for the clothes you ordered for Ricky’s birthday in a couple of months are ready and you just need to pick how they’re going to look,” he spoke in a calm voice. “I can see, though, that you need something more…”

Julian sighed weakly, “What I _need_ is some rest, but I don’t like being so far away from my son,” he replied in a groggy voice. “Could you maybe go check on him from time to time, Garak?”

“Oh, I _think_ they’ll let you out of Sickbay if you have someone to stay with you while you recover,” Garak spoke in a calming voice. “I already made the offer to Doctor Girani and Odo. They say I can stay with you in your quarters until you recover. You can always have Ricky stay with the O’Briens.”

Nodding, Julian offered a weak smile, “I’m sure I’ll be a _terrible_ roommate,” he replied demurely.

Garak responded by moving around to Julian’s bedside, “I’ve gotten _used to_ your _insufferable_ nature, Doctor,” he replied, smiling. “It’s either my offer or you can just _waste away_ in here…”

“I’ll choose your offer,” Julian spoke groggily, sighing. “Do you think I could get beamed to my quarters so I can lie down again? I’m feeling a bit _yucky_ now that I’m sitting up…”

Without waiting for a reply, Julian promptly laid down and closed his eyes because he was beginning to feel nauseous. Garak looked over to where Dr. Girani was and he nodded, letting out a small sigh.

“Can you please beam us both to Doctor Bashir’s quarters?” Garak asked in a quiet voice. “I’d only be doing him a disservice by waking him and making him go through the Promenade right now.”

Dr. Girani nodded and Garak closed his eyes as he felt the transporter whisk him away. A moment later, he opened his eyes and found himself standing beside Julian’s bed. Julian was asleep on the bed with the dripbox on the bed and completely unaware that he had been moved from the infirmary.

Garak quickly moved Julian’s sleeping form under the covers and set the dripbox on the bedside table before retrieving Kukulaka from the shelf. He silently deposited the bear in Julian’s arms before moving out into the living room, settling himself on the couch, and pulling his personal PADD from his pocket. While Julian rested, he would work and then they could share a meal together later on.

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

It wasn’t until dinnertime that Julian woke up and he was surprised, but pleased to see Kukulaka serving as his companion in bed. He missed Ricky, but he knew it was safer for him to be with Miles and Keiko until he could be declared healthy enough to take back his parental responsibilities.

The drip-feed had run dry and so Julian removed it before shakily getting out of bed, being quick to go to the lavatory to clean his hand so it wouldn’t get infected. He still felt tired, but his stomach felt better and his feelings of yuckiness had eased considerably even though he was still feeling slightly feverish.

And Garak, Julian reasoned, had put him to bed after springing him from the infirmary…

“Garak?” Julian called out as he exited the lavatory and moved into the living room. “Garak?”

No response came and Julian sighed tiredly before moving over to the replicator, “Mint tea, hot,” he spoke in a groggy voice, relief filling him when the tea appeared almost immediately.

Tea in hand, Julian retreated to the couch and drank it before laying down. The walk from the bed to the replicator had tired him out and Julian closed his eyes, figuring Garak had gone off to work because he had wasted his entire day babysitting an overemotional invalid who couldn’t care for himself.

A hand suddenly touched his shoulder and he opened his eyes to see Garak standing over him holding a food box, “You really shouldn’t be up and around if all you’re going to do is nap,” Garak spoke in a quiet voice before raising the takeout box. “I simply went to the Replimat to get us some supper…”

“I managed some tea,” Julian spoke groggily as he got up. “You wasted a whole day’s work…”

Garak scoffed, “Everyone’s busy fawning over Captain Sisko’s return and the arrival of a new Dax,” he replied in an irritated voice, sighing. “My dear doctor, the _only_ place you are going is _back to bed_. You hardly look any better than you did this morning. I will sit with you and share supper with you.”

Julian frowned, “Sisko’s _back_?” he asked groggily. “And there’s a _new_ Dax?”

Garak made a shooing motion and Julian quietly returned to bed without another word. He watched as Garak brought the box in and sat on the end of the bed to unpack it, “Chicken soup for you,” the Cardassian said, handing Julian a small container of soup with a spoon attached.

“Thanks,” Julian spoke softly, opening the container as Garak took a scone sandwich and disposable container of tea out for himself. “So, how is Captain Sisko and the…the new Dax?”

Garak raised an eyebrow, “Chief O’Brien already told him that you’ve got the flu and are resting,” he replied in a calm voice. “Captain Sisko said he’d be by as soon as he got settled to check on you.”

A pained expression crossed Julian’s face, “I’d _rather not_ see him,” he admitted softly. “I _can’t_.”

Garak frowned, “Before he left, he said some _pretty terrible_ things to me, about me, and about my son and I just don’t want to deal with him right now,” Julian spoke quietly, his expression sad. “I just want to get better so I can have my son back with me and just go on as if I don’t matter to this station.”

Sighing irritably, Julian finished his food and set the container aside. Garak, however, frowned because he _had_ heard gossip a few months ago about a fight between Sisko and Bashir, but he hadn’t expected it to be anything other than rumors. Now that Julian was saying otherwise, he couldn’t help but be worried about his friend. What had happened during that fight to elicit such a response from Julian?

The door chime suddenly rang and Julian scoffed, “I need to rest,” he said, yawning as he laid down.

Garak took the dishes in his hands as he got up and went to the living room. He set his food down on the table and recycled Julian’s dishes before answering the door. Captain Sisko was standing at the door looking calmer and as if he wanted to talk, but Garak didn’t regard him with the same warmth.

“I was wondering if Doctor Bashir was available for a chat?” Captain Sisko asked calmly, his expression neutral. “I heard that he’s sick with the flu, but I’d like to talk to him regardless…”

Garak sighed, “He’s resting, but even if he wasn’t, I _don’t_ think he wants to talk to you,” he replied in a firm voice, his expression upset. “He said that the fight you had before you left…”

“Mister Garak, this is a _Starfleet_ matter,” Captain Sisko replied firmly, his expression darkening.

Garak, however, shook his head, “Even _Starfleet_ cannot interfere in a relationship between an officer and someone who aided in work against the Dominion, Captain,” he stated in an equally firm voice, silently hoping that Julian would forgive him for lying. “It was our time together at Starbase 375 that made us actually consider the idea of courtship, but we couldn’t file the necessary forms because circumstances made that _impossible_. Now that you’re back, though, we can file the forms…”

Captain Sisko’s eyes widened, “Well, _that_ would explain the rumors I’ve heard about you staying with Doctor Bashir while he's sick,” he replied in a concerned voice. “I’ll prepare the forms, but I’ll want to speak with…”

“Whatever you said to him before you left hurt him _deeply_ and I don’t know if he’ll want to interact with you in anything more than a _professional capacity_ , Captain,” Garak stated, cutting him off.

A look crossed Captain Sisko’s face, “ _That_ ,” he replied softly, as if just remembering what he had said.

“Now, I don’t know exactly what was said, but I _know_ that Doctor Bashir was hurt by it and you _definitely_ owe him an apology,” Garak spoke firmly, sighing. “Until then, _good day_.”

Without waiting for a reply, Garak shut the door in Sisko’s face and turned to sit down, only to find that Julian had heard them talking and got up. Julian’s expression was one of intense shock.

“I…you _lied_ to Captain Sisko?” Julian asked in a quiet, groggy voice. “And said we were _dating_?”

Garak sighed, “Well, he was being _annoying_ and I knew you weren’t ready to deal with him,” he replied in a calm voice, his expression neutral. “He was acting as if his words caused no hurt to you, but if you’re _really bothered_ by my lie, I can go and personally tell him that you…”

“No, it’s _fine_ ,” Julian said groggily. “I just _never imagined_ anyone would _care_ about _protecting_ me…”

Garak sighed, “Sentiment is the greatest weakness of all, I have been told, but I am _not ashamed_ to care about someone who _thrives_ on it,” he replied calmly. “I care for you and Ricky _deeply_ , my dear.”

For once, Julian was speechless and silently moved towards Garak. He was tired, but he found himself silently hugging the Cardassian with all of the strength that he had in his currently unwell body. For a brief moment, Garak was taken aback by the hug, but he silently returned it because he knew the gesture would bring Julian comfort. Several moments passed before Julian returned to his bed for rest.

Swallowing hard, Garak silently went back to the couch and picked up his PADD to resume work.

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

“… _Starfleet isn’t happy about the news of your relationship with Garak, but they’ll accept it for now considering that he’s working for our side_ ,” Garak heard a firm voice say. “ _Just mind your behavior and attention to duty isn’t anything less than expected of a Starfleet officer. As for the other issue_ …”

Garak opened his eyes and found that he had been laid to rest on the couch with a pillow under his head and a blanket over his body. He sat up and found that his PADD was on the table, but _where_ was…?

The doors suddenly slid open and Julian, who was back in uniform, came into his quarters with Ricky in his arms and looking rested. Captain Sisko nodded at Garak briefly before silently leaving.

“Morning,” Julian spoke in a slightly tired voice as he entered the quarters and gently set Ricky in his swing. “Captain Sisko wanted to talk to me in his office and I decided that Ricky needed to be home.”

Garak frowned, “You still look as if you could use another few days,” he observed worriedly.

“Oh, I’m off duty for a few more days barring emergencies, but Sisko did ask to see me about what you told him,” Julian replied quietly, sighing. “As for the other issue, he says we’ll talk when I’m better.”

Garak nodded, having already known that Sisko would go to Julian about it because the word of a Cardassian wasn’t worth very much nowadays, “I told him we became very close friends during my pregnancy and that after he left, we decided to try courting,” Julian confessed in a quiet voice. “A lot of people already think we’re courting because we eat lunch together every day and flirt…”

“Why, Doctor, I didn’t think you had it in you to support my lies,” Garak replied, smirking.

Julian sighed as he activated Ricky’s swing, “Believe it or not, they’re part of your _charm_ ,” he replied in a tired voice, his expression tired. “If you’ve got work to do, I should let you get to it…”

“Julian, you look as if you could use some more rest,” Garak spoke in a concerned voice, frowning.

Julian nodded, but turned his attention to Ricky, “Keiko already fed him breakfast, but he’ll need to be entertained,” he spoke, a yawn filling his voice. “Maybe around the time that he has his nap…”

“ _No_ , you’ll go to bed now and I can entertain him,” Garak spoke firmly. “You _need_ rest.”

Julian sighed weakly and gestured to the spot in the room where Ricky’s toys, diaper bag, the shelf containing several children’s novel tablets, and the stroller sat, “His stuff’s there,” he spoke tiredly.

Garak nodded and Julian quietly retreated to bed without even bothering to remove his Starfleet uniform before diving under his blankets. He fell asleep to the sound of Ricky cooing happily.

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

Hours later, Julian was awake again and well enough to look after Ricky on his own, so Garak had gone on with his day as much as he could. The first thing Julian had done was given Ricky a bath and put him in a clean diaper and clothes. Next, he had gotten a holonovel from the shelf and had sat on the couch with Ricky on his lap. Ricky enjoyed being read to and especially enjoyed being held by his dad.

Once the book was finished, Julian sat on the floor with Ricky and got him some toys. As they played, Julian began to notice that Ricky’s interest was mostly focused on the simpler toys and he didn’t even react to the computerized items. At nearly a year old, Julian realized, Ricky should have at least have _some_ interest in the computerized items and other things, but he seemed to be in an ignorant bliss. It was concerning to him and Julian realized that he may have passed his disabilities on to his son.

“Even if you’re like Jules was, I’ll still love you,” Julian spoke in a quiet voice, his expression patient. "Without hesitation."

Ricky cooed and looked up at him, smiling whilst offering him a ring from a collection of rings that children were supposed to sort on to a small plastic stand, “Is that for me?” Julian asked gently, smiling at his son’s eagerness before he took the ring. “Just know that I love you no matter what, okay?”

The smile remained on Ricky’s face as he returned to playing with the rings and Julian sat there, holding a drool covered ring in hand because it was obvious Ricky had either no interest in the item or had forgotten he had given it away. Julian watched Ricky for a few more moments and gained the additional observation that Ricky was simply zooming the rings around before sucking on them instead of trying to arrange them on the stand. Sighing, Julian silently tapped his combadge to call Dr. Girani to arrange an assessment for Ricky to see if, in fact, the boy was somehow developmentally delayed.

“Doctor Bashir to Doctor Girani,” Julian spoke in a quiet voice. “Could you report to my quarters, please?”

There was a gasp, “ _Is everything all right, sir_?” Dr. Girani’s voice asked in a concerned tone.

“I’d like to have a conversation with you about Ricky,” Julian replied in a quiet, tired voice, sighing as he continued watching his son play. “I think he might have some sort of developmental disability.”


	14. Aftershocks of Yesterday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A darker, more twisted version of 'Chrysalis' with an uncertain ending.

It had taken Julian several days to be over his flu enough to resume his duties during which time Julian kept a log of Ricky’s interactions with people and things. He had also asked Keiko for insight, as she was a teacher and she had agreed with him that Ricky was showing signs of developmental delay. She had watched Ricky and Yoshi interact and she had seen the developmental differences between the two.

Now that Julian was healthy, he found himself sitting in sickbay and watching as Dr. Girani ran tests on Ricky. Unfortunately, Ricky didn’t enjoy being on the biobed much and kept trying to squirm off of it.

“Maybe if we were to try having him sit on your lap, it might be easier to get accurate results,” Dr. Girani spoke in a distressed voice, frowning at Julian. “Do you think he’d focus better that way?”

Before Julian could reply, a beeping sound filled the room, “ _Ensign Nog to Doctor Bashir_ ,” Nog’s voice spoke in a confused voice. “ _I…I need to talk to you in the corridor about something_ …”

“I’ll be right back,” Julian spoke, sighing as he got up. “Maybe try some music. He likes that.”

Dr. Girani nodded and Julian walked out into the corridor, frowning when he didn’t see Nog or anyone else around, “Nog?” he called out in a confused voice. “Nog, are you hiding from me?”

Down the corridor, Odo, who had heard Julian call for Nog, began walking in Julian’s direction to see what the problem was. He knew that Nog was on duty elsewhere that day and was concerned if Julian was all right. He also wanted to check on Ricky, as he knew that the little one was in Sickbay.

Suddenly, Julian felt someone grab him from behind, “I’ve got him!” a voice hissed. “Energize!”

As Julian and his hidden assailant dematerialized, alarms began to blare throughout the station and Odo hurried to the spot where Julian had vanished from, “Odo to Sisko,” Odo said, tapping his combadge.

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

_“…He looks so much younger and thinner in person. Does he have the right parts to carry a child?”_

Clicks filled Julian’s ears and he tried to sit up to see what was going on, but he felt himself bound in place by both his wrists and a stasis field. He could feel something cold underneath him and he could see a large circular light overhead. Where was he? This wasn’t anywhere he recognized.

“There’s _no need_ to be afraid, Doctor Bashir,” a voice suddenly said. “You’re quite safe.”

A female appeared in view of Julian, “I’m Doctor Karen Loews,” the woman spoke calmly as she produced a stylus. “We caught wind of the cure you were working on to help Sarina Douglas and we have it here, but she wants something more. She _knows_ you can carry children…she cannot.”

“Where am I?” Julian spoke in a scared voice. “I…I _had_ been working on a cure for Sarina, but…”

Dr. Loews nodded, “We’re sending a message to Deep Space Nine that we’ve got you and will release you in exchange for your work and your help,” she responded. “In the meantime, Sarina wants you to serve as a surrogate for her child and she has communicated that you are the _best_ choice…”

“ _What_?!” Julian replied anxiously as he fought to try and escape. “I…I can’t be a _surrogate_!”

A weird noise suddenly filled the air, “ _Doctor Bashir, this is Ensign Nog_ ,” emitted through the air.

“Stealing a voice log from the station and using it to lure you was Jack’s idea,” Dr. Loews spoke, a smirk on her face as Jack suddenly came into view holding a recorder. “It worked _beautifully_.”

Julian frowned, “Why me?” he asked in a confused voice. “I wasn’t _born_ with the Carrier ability…”

“You being an Augment who was surgically altered by the Dominion has created _quite the stir_ among the medical and scientific circles,” Dr. Loews spoke in an intrigued voice, a smile on her face. “We want to impregnate you and also study how the Dominion made you such a _viable_ Carrier. If our study proves successful, it could change the basis by which reproduction is done and _perhaps_ the Federation will find value in us. _So many_ have been lost in the course of the war and they need to be _replaced_ …”

The stasis field suddenly deactivated and Julian swore loudly as a surgical frame covered him from the chest down, “You’re _not_ doing this!” he shouted anxiously. “I _don’t want_ to be a surrogate for Sarina!”

“It’s good that the medical facilities remained intact at Elemspur despite the prison no longer being in use,” Dr. Loews spoke in a calm voice, purposely ignoring Julian’s protests. “Lauren, do you have it?”

Lauren came into view and handed Dr. Loews a needle and a container, “Sarina is happy about this,” she explained in a calm voice, a smile on her face. “Do you think we should put Doctor Bashir to sleep so he won’t be upset? If Sarina sees him upset about helping her, she will get into one of her _moods_.”

“That’s a _wise_ idea,” Dr. Loews replied calmly. “Find me a sedative so Bashir can go to _sleep_.”

Within minutes, Lauren had located a hypospray containing a sedative and handed it to Dr. Loews.

“Say _goodnight_ , Doctor Bashir,” Dr. Loews said as she injected the sedative into Julian’s neck.

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

“ _We do not wish to harm Doctor Bashir, but we want the research and technology he developed to help Sarina Douglas out of her catalepsy_ ,” Dr. Loews spoke on a screen in the war room where Sisko, Odo, Kira, Miles, Worf, Nog, and Ezri sat after being alerted to Julian’s abduction by Odo. “ _The research is valuable to us and we know Doctor Bashir is valuable to you. We’ll consider it a fair exchange_ …”

Captain Sisko sighed heavily, “Do we know the source of this transmission?” he asked somberly.

“It appeared not long after Doctor Bashir was beamed from the corridor,” Odo explained in a distressed voice. “I had heard him calling for Nog and then I saw him being grabbed from behind, but they remained in the shadows. I didn’t see who had grabbed Doctor Bashir, but I saw the beam-out.”

Miles sighed, “Whoever did it left _traces_ ,” he commented, offering a PADD of an analysis he had done after Odo had alerted them to Julian’s abduction. “They have DNA patterns similar to Julian’s in that they’ve been genetically modified. There was also some sort of trace from their boots…”

Odo pressed a few buttons on his PADD, revealing a security video of Julian suddenly being grabbed from behind by a shadowy figure and beamed away, “Security feeds managed to get this,” he explained in a concerned voice. “A sweep also revealed the substance to be some sort of soil on Bajor…”

“ _Bajor_?” Kira replied, frowning. “Why would anyone want to beam Julian to _Bajor_?”

For a moment, Worf was quiet and then he let out a sigh, “Doctor Bashir has been under increased scrutiny by different communities ever since his procedure at the internment camp was made public by Doctor Zimmerman and Starfleet,” he explained solemnly. “It is possible that this Doctor and the Augments she brought to the station a year ago want to take advantage of the doctor’s _uniqueness_ …”

“Wait, Worf, are you saying that they want to explore Julian’s extra parts and treat him as if he’s some sort of _experiment_?” Miles asked, his expression aghast. “My _God_ , he was already put through agony at the internment camp and he’s just barely gotten over that! What if they end up killing him?!”

Odo quickly pulled up his readings on the soil, “According to this, the soil itself is of Cardassian origin, but it’s mixed with Bajoran dirt,” he explained as Garak entered the room. “Ah, Garak…”

“I just heard that Doctor Bashir was abducted!” Garak stated coldly. “Why are none of you…?”

Captain Sisko sighed and Garak suddenly looked at the screen where Odo’s readings were, “That’s soil from the old Cardassian road to Elemspur Detention Center on Bajor,” Garak realized in a concerned voice, frowning at the screen. “ _Why_ are you all _sitting around_ looking at _this_ when Doctor Bashir…?”

“That must be where he’s being held by the other Augments,” Miles realized anxiously. “But _why_?”

Ezri frowned, “If we just go in without a plan, we could cause more harm to him,” she reasoned softly.

“We’ll contact this Doctor Loews and offer the work that Doctor Bashir put into trying to help Sarina Douglas in exchange for Doctor Bashir’s safe return,” Captain Sisko spoke firmly, his expression concerned because he felt bad that his CMO was in very real danger. “Can we contact Doctor Loews through the message she sent? I want to see that Doctor Bashir is alive before we make an agreement.”

Miles quickly got up and went over to the communications terminal, “I can establish a connection and _hopefully_ , we can reach them,” he replied in a concerned voice. “I just hope Julian’s all right.”

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

“ _Sarina, stop getting anxious_ ,” Julian heard a firm voice speak. “ _It will take some time before we know if the procedure worked. In the meantime, we can study Doctor Bashir and what he’s become_ …”

A wave of dizziness enveloped Julian as he woke and found himself laying on the same table without any restraints binding him there. He suddenly felt himself being sat up and facing Dr. Loews and Lauren while Sarina sat nearby in her chair, smiling at him while she wrote on her tablet.

“The procedure and analysis are over, Doctor Bashir,” Dr. Loews spoke in a calm voice as she produced a cup of water and held it to his lips. “Drink this. It should help you wake up a little.”

Julian accepted the water and he sighed, “We’ve sent a message to Deep Space Nine requesting your research and technology to help Sarina,” Dr. Loews spoke calmly. “Hopefully, they respond.”

Swallowing hard, Julian attempted to stand, but was overcome by extreme shakiness and pain rocketing throughout his body, “I conducted some exploratory surgery during the procedure,” Dr. Loews explained in a concerned voice, frowning at Julian. “You should really _rest_ as much as possible…”

The sound of a comms system suddenly filled the air as Julian forced himself into a standing position and looked around for an exit. He was sore, dizzy, and beginning to feel disoriented, but he wanted to get away from these individuals even if it took every bit of strength and ability he had.

Julian could see a door and began moving towards it, but Jack blocked his path. He launched himself at the man, desperate and anxious to escape alive. Suddenly, however, Julian felt a phaser against his head and found himself facing a screen that had Captain Sisko on it, “Give us the research and the technology or else Bashir _dies_!” Lauren hissed anxiously. “We’ve _already_ had our fun with him!”

“ _Doctor, are you all right_?” Captain Sisko asked worriedly. “ _They’re demanding_ …”

Julian exhaled weakly, “Send the research and technology here, Captain,” he replied in as steady a voice as he could manage. “I’ll be able to help Sarina and that’s all they really want me to do.”

Captain Sisko gave Julian a hard look, “ _The station might be safer_ ,” he offered. “ _Would they_ …?”

“ _No_ , Captain Sisko, send the supplies!” Jack shouted angrily. “Sarina needs the help _now_!”

Dr. Loews sighed, “Jack, _enough_!” she snapped. “It will take _time_ for the supplies to arrive!”

“There’s more of a chance that Sarina can be helped on the station,” Julian spoke in a shaky voice. “I…wherever I am isn’t clean and I need my supplies. Captain, if you beam Sarina and I…”

Noise suddenly filled the room as the supplies appeared out of thin air, “ _We know where you are_ ,” Captain Sisko spoke in a firm voice. “ _One call to Bajoran authorities will…”_

“Captain, _please_ , I have to see this through,” Julian pled weakly. “Send me my research…”

Kira suddenly came into view and whispered something to Sisko, “I have a compromise,” Sisko spoke again in a calmer tone. “ _You bring Doctor Bashir back here and you’ll be safe on the station until he is able to help Sarina with his cure research. We’ll discuss your charges once she has been helped_.”

Dr. Loews sighed, “Very well,” she replied calmly. “We have a runabout and we’ll get us all there.”

Before Sisko could reply, Dr. Loews cut the transmission and was immediately greeted to Jack and Patrick protesting, “Enough!” she replied firmly. “Us hand-delivering Doctor Bashir back to the station will allow us to study him further! Get Sarina and get our runabout and disguises ready!”

Julian, meanwhile, remained rooted to the spot because he couldn’t believe what he had done. He had sacrificed his own safety in order to further medical research and was now putting everyone on the station, including Garak and his son, in harm’s way. What was _wrong_ with him that he did that?

“Are you going to come quietly or would you prefer a sedative?” Dr. Loews spoke into his ear.

Swallowing hard, Julian hung his head and resigned himself to the fact that he was nothing more than an experiment to these people. He was nothing more than someone to be easily taken advantage of.

“Doctor?” Julian heard Dr. Loews ask in a quiet voice. “I need to know what you want.”

In all honesty, Julian thought, he wanted to be knocked out because he wasn’t feeling well and wanted to rest. He knew, however, that he had to appear healthy so that the crew wouldn’t do anything drastic.

“ _I’ll come quietly_ ,” Julian replied in a subdued voice as he followed Dr. Loews to his doom.

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

The docking area was cleared and the Promenade was silent because Captain Sisko had locked all the civilians down in their quarters and had closed all of the shops in preparation for the arrival of Dr. Loews, Jack, Patrick, Lauren, Sarina, and Dr. Bashir. He wanted things to go smoothly and quietly.

Instead of going to his quarters quietly, however, Garak was waiting in the shadows and had no intention of leaving Bashir’s side. He was carrying a paper book that was actually Odo in disguise, as the two of them had discussed being there for Julian without bringing harm to him. Garak had first made sure Ricky was safe with Keiko, Molly, and Kirayoshi before taking his idea to the senior staff.

Sisko, Ezri, Miles, Worf, Nog, and Kira were all waiting on the Bridge and were monitoring a security feed that was tied into Sickbay to see exactly what the Institute Augments and Dr. Loews planned to make Julian do. They also knew that something had happened on Bajor, but they didn’t know what.

As the docking door opened and Julian stepped out into the Promenade, he was surprised to see Garak standing there with a paper book in hand, “ _My dear_ Julian, welcome home,” he spoke warmly, an unusually charming expression on his face. “I thought I would greet you with a _gift_.”

“Who’s the _Cardassian_?” Dr. Loews asked coldly as she, Jack, Patrick, and Lauren came on to the Promenade with the wheelchair-bound Sarina in tow. “Why is the Promenade _quiet_?”

Julian eyed Garak nervously before swallowing hard and walking over to him, “A paper book from the _most considerate_ tailor in the world,” he spoke, a false cheeriness in his voice as he flashed a smile at Garak. “Doctor Loews, _surely_ it’s not _unusual_ for one’s _lover_ to greet them when they’ve been away?”

“You took a _Cardassian_ as a _lover_?!” Dr. Loews replied in a disgusted voice. “ _Why_?!”

Jack scoffed, “ _Sarina_ ,” he spoke anxiously. “We need to get her to the infirmary and get working!”

“I’m sorry, Elim, but I have to go,” Julian spoke in the same false voice. “Thank you for the…”

Garak scoffed, “I can help you, my dear,” he interrupted in a gentle firmness. “I’ll be your _nurse_.”

It was then that Julian realized that Garak had a plan and that the book might not be just an ordinary book. The station had _obviously_ planned how to deal with this unexpected situation and Garak’s little act was a way to tell him that. It was _more than likely_ that Odo was _masquerading_ as Garak’s ‘gift.’

“That will actually be very helpful since it’s the station’s hour of rest and prayer,” Julian lied softly.

The group didn’t look happy that Garak would be coming with them, but Julian silently led the way to the infirmary before they could protest. They settled Sarina on the bed and Julian quietly got what he had prepared together. He was feeling even worse now, despite the cup of water given to him at Elemspur, and knew it was only a matter of time before he crashed from the trauma done to him.

“ _Get on with it_!” Dr. Loews hissed angrily, glaring at him. “You have all your supplies, yes?”

Garak lingered nearby with the disguised Odo, both of them _well aware_ that Julian had been tortured and was on the verge of crashing. Julian, however, nodded and silently began to get to work quickly prepping and then beginning to use his research and tools to try and make Sarina well.

What seemed like an eternity later, Julian was finally finished the procedure and Sarina was resting comfortably and she was stable. He, however, was on the verge of passing out from pain and shock.

Dr. Loews and the other Augments were focused on Sarina, so Julian took a step back and leaned against the wall for support, “ _Why isn’t it working_?!” Jack snapped, glaring daggers at Julian.

Julian, however, didn’t respond because he was spent. Jack took that as Julian not caring and advanced towards him ready to attack, but Odo suddenly morphed and got in front of Julian.

“That’s _enough_!” Odo shouted angrily, drawing his phaser. “You’re all _under arrest_!”

Garak gently pulled Julian out of the way and gasped when Julian promptly passed out in his arms.

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

_I never got the chance to talk to Doctor Bashir and apologize for what I said about him and his son after Jadzia’s death_. Captain Sisko thought regretfully as he entered the infirmary five days after the abduction and found Miles sitting beside Julian’s bed with Ricky in his lap while Nurse Jabara worked nearby. Julian lay in bed unconscious, covered by drip feeds, a breathing mask, a blanket, and pajamas.

“Chief, how is Doctor Bashir today?” Captain Sisko asked cautiously as he approached the bed.

Miles sighed, “Still unconscious, but he’s slowly coming out of it, I _think_ ,” he replied solemnly, a concerned expression on his face. “I thought bringing Ricky in and having him close would help.”

“Starfleet’s _furious_ that this happened and they’ve ordered the Augments back to the Institute unless Doctor Bashir decides to press charges or doesn’t make it,” Captain Sisko stated worriedly, frowning. “Odo has them in secured guest quarters and Doctor Loews is monitoring Sarina. _Why_ would they…?”

The monitor suddenly blipped and Julian’s eyes slowly opened, “Julian?” Miles spoke worriedly, watching as his friend gazed around the room and finally focused on him, Sisko, and Ricky. “Hey.”

Nurse Jabara checked the monitor before removing the breather from Julian’s face, as she could see that his vitals were improving rapidly, “Doctor?” Captain Sisko asked worriedly, frowning.

“Ricky’s _safe_ ,” Julian breathed in a weak voice. “I was so worried coming back here would…”

Miles nodded, “Garak got him from Doctor Girani after we found out you’d been abducted and took him to Keiko for safeguarding,” he explained calmly. “And your captors are being held…”

“Starfleet’s been told what happened to you and they want them shipped back to the Institute unless you decide to press charges,” Captain Sisko explained in a concerned voice. “You were hurt badly.”

Julian nodded, “I _can’t_ remember a lot of it,” he admitted groggily. “I was _sedated_ …”

“You were operated on and injected with a mess of chemicals, but we’re not sure how they’ll affect you long-term,” Nurse Jabara explained in a gentle voice. “Constable Odo’s been trying to find out…”

Julian sighed weakly, “Can someone go tell Garak that I’m awake?” he asked groggily. “He’s probably hiding in his shop, sewing up a storm to calm himself. I’m _sure_ he’s been very worried about me.”

“Garak’s been spending his nights here,” Captain Sisko spoke calmly. “Odo’s noticed that.”

Julian suddenly began to feel tired and self-conscious, “I’m getting tired,” he spoke softly.

“Let’s clear out so Julian can rest,” Miles spoke softly. “It’s time for Ricky’s supper anyway.”

Once Miles, Ricky, and Sisko were gone, Julian closed his eyes to sleep and so Nurse Jabara moved off to another part of the infirmary. Time passed and suddenly, Julian felt a hand touch his abdomen and he was stunned to see Sarina standing over him upon opening his eyes. She was smiling at him as if he were some toy she wanted to collect. Fear filled his heart, but he didn’t know how to respond.

“It’s _so beautiful_ ,” Sarina spoke in a sweet voice as she placed her hand on Julian’s abdomen and stroked it tenderly. “You’re carrying my baby and they’ll be so beautiful…just like you.”

Julian shakily sat up, forcing Sarina to move her hand, “Please leave me alone,” he spoke softly, his expression scared. “I _can’t_ trust that you won’t hurt me. After what happened on Bajor…”

Sarina looked surprised, “You _offered_ to carry my child,” she replied in a sweet voice.

“I did _not_!” Julian replied anxiously, fear in his voice and expression. “I was kidnapped, beamed to some strange Sickbay, and sedated before being operated on. I had absolutely _no_ choice in the…!”

Sarina suddenly looked as if someone had slapped her, “ _Kidnapped_?” she replied in a confused, slightly hurt voice as her expression fell into one of sorrow. “Doctor Loews said you _volunteered to_ …”

Julian froze as Sarina teared up and quickly forced him to his feet, “It _doesn’t matter_ now even if you _didn’t_ volunteer,” she spoke in an anxious voice. “Let me take you away from here so I can have you and our child in peace. We _don’t need_ Doctor Loews, Jack, Patrick, or Lauren _anymore_ …”

“What are you doing in here?!” Nurse Jabara spoke sharply, coming back as she suddenly noticed Sarina trying to get Julian out of bed and out of the infirmary. “Leave _now_ or I’ll call Security.”

Julian cringed, “Nurse Jabara, _please_ , I don’t want anything bad to happen to you,” he protested weakly as a wave of fatigue and a headache hit him enough that he touched his forehead. “I…I’m _fine_.”

Before Nurse Jabara could protest, Julian felt Sarina lead him from the infirmary and into the corridor that had darkened with the change in the day. He didn’t _want_ to go with her, but he suddenly felt like he had no choice. She seemed to be doing much better and who knew what her capabilities really were?

_If I refuse, she could harm Ricky or Garak or everyone else I care about._ Julian thought as she led him down the Promenade. If he simply shut up and let her get on with things, he would most likely live and Ricky would be safe. He didn’t _care_ what happened to him as long as his son was safe.

Sarina was suddenly talking to him again, but the walking made Julian feel so tired and he could either focus on the walking or on Sarina’s talking. His weakened body and tired mind wouldn’t let him do both and it frustrated him. What _exactly_ had been done to him in that strange torture chamber?

Everything suddenly stopped and Julian felt himself being enveloped by Sarina’s anxious arms, “… _That’s far enough_!” Odo’s voice suddenly echoed through the air. “Let Doctor Bashir go _now_!”

Julian suddenly became aware of his surroundings just in time to see Sarina let out an anxious sob as an armed Odo and anxious looking Garak approached them, “He’s….m-mine…” Sarina trembled softly.

Was Sarina _regressing_ because of what he had said? Julian feared. He _hoped she didn’t_ regress.

“Sarina, _please_ , I can’t go with you,” Julian spoke in a quiet voice as he turned her to face him and saw her entire form trembling anxiously while tears brimmed in her reddened eyes. “ _Sarina_ …”

Sarina whimpered, “What if the procedure worked?” she asked weakly. “I…I want to _know_.”

Odo’s eyes widened as he reached the two, “ _Procedure_?!” he asked abruptly. “What _procedure_?”

Shaking his head, as he wasn’t about to tell Odo what they had done to him, Julian shakily moved back down the corridor in his hospital pajamas. Garak hurried after him, but Julian kept walking until he eventually stopped and clung to a wall for support because he was tired and beginning to hurt a bit.

Garak silently approached Julian and gently led Julian back to the infirmary. Nurse Jabara was waiting for them and gave the doctor a worried look, “Doctor Bashir?” she asked softly. “Are you all right?”

“I want to go back to my quarters,” Julian spoke in a shaky voice. “It’s been a _really_ long day.”

Garak sighed, “You should have _time_ to rest and clear your head,” he spoke softly. “I’ll stay…”

Julian sat on the biobed, but didn’t lie down, “I _can’t_ sleep here,” he mused in a tired voice.

“Let me give you some medicine and then we’ll figure something out,” Nurse Jabara said softly.

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

It was nearly midnight before Nurse Jabara felt right about releasing Julian to Garak’s care because Julian’s headache and other symptoms persisted even with medicine and he couldn't even _stand_ without feeling sick. Truth be told, Julian was scared to walk the corridors for fear he might run into Sarina and the Augments and he didn’t want anything to do with them.

Garak had walked alongside him the entire way back to the Habitat Ring and Julian had made him wait in the living room while he changed into his own pajamas in the privacy of his bathroom. The procedures, whatever had been involved with them, had left scars and intense internal discomfort.

After what seemed like an eternity, Julian emerged from his bathroom in his pajamas, “Garak, if you want to get some rest, you can _go_ ,” he spoke in a weak voice. “Ricky’s at the O’Briens and I…”

“Do you not recall Nurse Jabara saying you _shouldn’t_ be left on your own tonight?” Garak replied as he rose from the couch and walked over to where Julian was standing and trembling. “You’re still in shock and need to be carefully observed for tonight at least. I won’t be surprised if you need more time…”

Julian scoffed weakly, “I just need something for the pain and a good sleep,” he argued groggily.

“I _will_ call Constable Odo if you _don’t listen_ to medical orders, Doctor,” Garak replied firmly, giving Julian a look that indicated he was not easily intimidated. “I’ll get you your medkit, but you’re going to bed and resting. I’ll get you whatever you need, but you _are_ going to get some _actual_ rest.”

A troubled expression filled Julian’s face, “Sarina chose me as a _surrogate_ ,” he spoke in a hollow, disgusted voice, his expression pained. “Garak, I just barely started watching Ricky for developmental delays and all of a sudden, I’m on an operating table being _studied_ and given strange _drugs_ and I…!”

“So you might end up being _pregnant_ again?” Garak asked in a confused voice, frowning at Julian.

Julian nodded and he hugged himself anxiously, “Ricky’s still young and even though having those organs the Dominion gave me removed would _probably kill_ me, I’m _not_ looking to have another child,” he spoke in a shaky voice, his body trembling as he began to pace. “Ricky is enough and I… _I can’t_ …”

Tears filled Julian’s eyes and he exhaled shakily, “I was violated even worse than I was in the internment camp and I _don’t_ feel well enough to make sense as to _why_ ,” he wept shakily, his voice trembling uncontrollably. “This is too much for me to handle, but I have to get myself under…”

Garak’s eyes widened as Julian went for the medkit he kept on a shelf and rummaged through it until he found a painkiller hypo, “This…even if I _am_ ….it _should be safe_ ,” Julian spoke shakily, exhaling so quickly and intensely that he thought he would vomit all over the place. “My hand’s _shaking_ …”

“Give me the hypospray and go sit in bed,” Garak said calmly. “You _really_ _do need to rest_.”

Julian relinquished the item and retreated to bed, feeling intense relief when he was laying in bed with Kukulaka in his arms. He felt helpless, scared, overwhelmed, and _violated_ beyond reason, but he knew he needed to rest and clear his mind. Ricky _needed_ him back and the station _needed_ its CMO back, so he _had_ to toughen up.

A noise suddenly filled the room indicating that someone was at the door, but Julian remained motionless in bed with Kukulaka. Garak, however, pocketed the hypo and answered the comm instead because he knew Julian wouldn’t, “This is Garak,” Garak said in an annoyed voice, tapping the computer. “What is it?”

“ _This is Odo_ ,” Odo’s grim voice replied. “ _I alerted Captain Sisko to the news and he asked the group to leave after he heard what Sarina attempted to do. I need to talk to Doctor Bashir about the incidents_.”

Garak sighed, “ _Not tonight_ , Constable,” he replied firmly, scowling at the comm. “He’s _resting_.”

“ _Of course I’m not going to talk to him tonight, but I need to at some point_ ,” Odo replied grimly. “ _How is he_?”

Garak rolled his eyes, “How would _you feel_ if you were kidnapped, tortured, and then someone tried to make off with you once you were back on the station?” he asked crossly, his expression annoyed. “He’s…I’m not sure.”

“ _Do you want a Security detail outside of Doctor Bashir’s quarters for tonight_?” Odo asked gruffly.

Garak responded by ending the call and going to Julian’s room, only to find Julian silently rocking while clutching Kukulaka to his chest. An expression of pain and helplessness filled the young doctor’s face.

“Would you like your medicine now, Doctor?” Garak asked in a quiet voice. “I have it all ready for you.”

Julian exhaled shakily, “I _suppose_ ,” he spoke in a subdued voice. “I’m just feeling so _cold and weak_.”

Garak quietly prepared the hypospray and gently administered it to Julian’s neck before helping Julian to lie down flat, “It _should_ work right away,” the Cardassian soothed even though he was unsure if it would.

“Will…will you _stay_?” Julian asked in a weak, groggy voice, his expression filled with intense fear.

Garak responded by leaving the room briefly and returned dragging an armchair that he could reasonably rest in so that Julian could have the bed to himself. He _wouldn’t mind_ sharing the bed with Julian, but _not_ under such terrible circumstances. It _wouldn’t be right_ to _invade_ Julian’s space like that after _today_ , Garak silently reasoned.

“ _Are you going to be uncomfortable_?” Julian asked groggily, fighting sleep as he watched Garak sit in the chair.

Garak sighed, “My dear doctor, I will be _fine_ ,” he replied as he adjusted the chair and extended the ottoman so he could rest his legs and work on his personal PADD once Julian was asleep. “You’re _fighting_ sleep. Go to sleep.”

“I’m _afraid_ to sleep,” Julian admitted in a groggy voice, eyeing Garak. “I want to wake up again.”

Garak nodded, “You _will_ wake up again and hopefully, you’ll be feeling better than you are now,” he replied.

“Computer, increase the heat in the room another 10 degrees,” Julian mumbled. “I’m _so cold_ , Garak…”

Garak sighed and pulled his PADD from his pocket, “I _know_ you want me to cuddle you, but it _wouldn’t be right_ of me to do in the state that you’re in,” he stated in a gentle, but firm voice. “I _won’t_ take advantage of you when you're not in your right mind.”

“Will you _read_ to me at least?” Julian mumbled sleepily as he began to let his eyes close. “You read well.”

Garak nodded and looked for a novel on his PADD, “ _That_ , I can _certainly_ do,” he replied in a gentle voice.


	15. Sentiment is Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A heartbreaking alternate version of 'The Siege of AR-558.'

“ _Your appointment with Lieutenant Dax is in 10 minutes_ ,” the computer chirped as Julian sat on the couch in his quarters with Ricky and a few letter blocks in his lap. “ _This is your 10-minute warning_.”

Julian sighed softly before setting the letter blocks aside. He had gone back on duty a long while ago after being cleared by Dr. Girani, but Sisko had ordered him to talk to Ezri about the mental and emotional trauma. Unfortunately, despite setting reminders for himself, he had forgotten about it and didn’t get a sitter arranged. Ricky would just have to come with him to the appointment, Julian reasoned, and he would be perfectly content with his toys as long as he himself stayed within view.

With the war going on and people needing counseling more often, it had taken Julian a while to actually get an appointment, but it was now here. Sighing, Julian quickly got Ricky into his stroller, gathered his bag and the hand toys, and then made his way to Ezri’s office on the Promenade.

The walk itself was slow because Julian had been cramping a bit lately and he had simply attributed it to muscles needing rest. He had prescribed himself some simple analgesics that wouldn’t harm fetuses just in case he _was_ pregnant and he had also been carefully monitoring his health on a daily basis.

Ezri was inside the counseling office already and Julian sighed as they entered, “I’m sorry that I’m not alone today, but I _forgot_ about the appointment until now and didn’t arrange a sitter,” Julian explained anxiously as he sat and then arranged the stroller nearby. “Let me just get him situated…”

“Don’t apologize for being a parent,” Ezri replied patiently, watching Julian hand Ricky a few letter blocks and a couple of simple shape puzzles before facing her. “You seem to be a very good one.”

Julian sighed, leaning back against the couch before crossing his legs, “I was implanted with Carrier organs at Internment Camp 371 and made pregnant through some procedure I have no memory of undergoing,” he explained softly. “I…I suppose you’ve read my file and already know that, though.”

Ezri nodded, but offered a reassuring smile, “This is a _safe_ space, Doctor Bashir,” she replied gently.

Ricky suddenly began making happy noises and offered one of the pieces from the shape puzzle to Julian with an eager expression on his face, “Oh, thank you,” Julian replied, smiling at his son whilst taking the shape. “Ricky…I think he might have the same developmental delays I had when I was a child, but I never got to explore what I could do with them. My parents had me illegally enhanced when I was six and my father got sent to prison for two years over it. He’s set to get out this year.”

Ezri looked sympathetic to that, “I…I don’t want my parents to know about Ricky’s delays because they’ll try to push me into doing to him what they did to me,” Julian spoke shakily, gazing at her. “I was irreparably violated when I was six and so what happened to me in the internment camp and what happened to me recently…it’s causing so much grief. People only want me if they can experiment on me and turn me into something good enough for them. Am I actually good enough for anyone as I am?”

“Ricky seems to think so,” Ezri observed softly. “He seems to love you a lot.”

Julian smiled slightly before returning the shape to the little boy, “My parents tried to petition Starfleet for the right to see Ricky and tried to get me declared an unfit parent, but Starfleet set the request aside for the moment because of the war,” he replied worriedly, frowning. “Even if I ever _needed_ to put Ricky in foster care to straighten myself out, I _wouldn’t_ trust him to my parents. They’d _hurt_ him and _hate_ him because he would remind them of Jules. Ricky’s different, yes, but I love him the way he is.”

A chime suddenly filled the room, “ _All senior officers to the wardroom_ ,” Sisko’s voice called out.

“Looks like we’ll have to continue this another time,” Julian spoke with a sigh as he stood up and Ezri made some notes on a PADD. “Do…do you think I could schedule another appointment?”

Ezri nodded and pocketed her PADD before standing up, “Of course you can,” she spoke calmly.

“Do you mind walking to the wardroom together?” Julian asked. “I’ll have to bring Ricky with us.”

Shaking her head, Ezri offered Julian a reassuring smile and walked with them as they left the room.

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

By the time Julian and Ezri arrived, Captain Sisko and Garak, who was wearing a translator headset and holding a PADD, were already talking to Kira, Miles, Worf, Nog, and the others who were assigned to the station’s senior staff. Captain Sisko gave Julian a disapproving look as he noticed Ricky.

“I’m sorry, Captain, I was at my appointment when you called for the meeting,” Julian spoke in a subdued voice, sighing. “I forgot to arrange a sitter and I had to bring him with me to both places.”

Captain Sisko’s eyebrow raised at the mention of the counseling appointment and he merely nodded before looking back at the screen, “The Defiant has been asked to deliver relief supplies to a planet called AR-558 where Starfleet officers are in active combat with a platoon of Jem’Hadar troops,” he explained in a solemn voice. “The message was sent in code and Mister Garak decoded it for us.”

“Um, I just need to arrange a sitter since Keiko’s on Bajor with the kids doing some sort of botanical conference for children,” Julian spoke nervously, his expression worried. “Just give me a bit…”

Garak chuckled, “Why, Doctor Bashir, _I_ can watch Ricky while you’re away,” he offered kindly. “I have watched him before and he’s familiar with me. I’ve also watched how you care for him…”

“That will be _very helpful_ , Mister Garak,” Captain Sisko spoke calmly. “You can begin _immediately_.”

Julian gently kissed Ricky as Garak walked over to the stroller, “We’ll be fine, I assure you,” Garak said, collecting the stroller and diaper bag. “You just focused on getting those supplies delivered.”

“Thank you,” Julian replied, offering a nervous smile. “I really appreciate you, Garak.”

Smirking, Garak removed himself and Ricky from the room, allowing Julian to focus on the briefing.

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

Even though space and the ship were both cold, Julian felt unusually warm as he worked assembling medical kits in the Defiant’s Sickbay. He was also feeling a little achy and nauseous, but he wasn’t sure if it was from a possible pregnancy or just nerves. Even so, he was assembling kits while sitting at the small desk simply to be safe and due to the fact that he cramped a bit every time he was on his feet.

“ _Doctor, are those kits ready_?” a voice suddenly spoke over the comms. “ _We’ve arrived.”_

Sighing, Julian tapped his combadge as he gathered the kits into a container and stood. Before he could reply, a jolt of pain shot through his body, but he managed to ease it with some light breathing exercises that he had used during his pregnancy with Ricky, “On my way,” he finally managed to speak.

The trip down to the surface ultimately took a turn when Sisko decided that they would stay while the Defiant left with Worf, Miles, and the rest of the crew in tow. Julian quickly became distracted from his troubling symptoms and instead focused on treating the medical needs of the 43 officers who were at the heavily damaged base. It took enough time and energy that by the time he was done, his cramping was worse and he was also battling extreme nausea and an ever-growing headache.

Even though he knew he was needed as a soldier, Julian hid himself in the tent hospital for a brief respite to try and relieve his increasingly concerning symptoms naturally. As he sat on a supply crate engaged in breathing exercises, Quark came storming in and paused at seeing what he was doing.

“Doctor Bashir?” Quark asked cautiously, eyeing the man worriedly. “Are you all right? You look…”

Julian sighed, but shouting could suddenly be heard outside and Quark quickly ran out. A few moments later, an officer Julian recognized as Reese came hurrying in with Nog over his shoulder and Quark at his heels. His own health would have to wait, Julian reasoned, as he got up and hurried over to Nog.

“He was shot just below the knee,” Reese explained in a shaky voice. “He’s a brave kid.”

Julian quickly checked Nog’s leg with his medical tricorder and sighed, “I’m going to have to _amputate_ to keep the injury from getting worse,” he explained, a somber expression on his face. “I’m _sorry_ …”

Quark nodded and left, prompting Reese to also leave. Julian sighed and quickly went about sedating and prepping Nog for surgery as best he could with the tools and environment that were available to him. As Julian began to operate, his cramping intensified and he also began to feel pain in his shoulders. He wanted to stop and check himself, but Nog needed him. Somehow, Julian managed to complete the operation, but it was an effort because everywhere hurt and his nausea level was high.

After making sure the still-sedated Nog was comfortable, Julian activated the recording of _I’ll Be Seeing You_ in an attempt to provide comfort for his younger patient. He then moved back over to the crates and sat with hands over his aching abdomen to try and massage the pain away. As he closed his eyes to rest, he heard footsteps enter the tent and he opened his eyes to see Quark come in. Quark didn’t see him right away and silently moved to Nog’s side, being gentle as he tended to his nephew.

“How is he?” Quark finally asked, not looking up from Nog. “I noticed you, don’t worry.”

Julian sighed weakly, “He _needs_ a hospital,” he replied softly, wincing. “I’ve…I’ve done all I can.”

Quark frowned, hearing the distress in Julian’s voice, “What’s _with_ you?” he asked in an annoyed, slightly confused voice as he turned just in time to see Julian wince and nearly keel over. “Doctor?”

Sounds of weapons fire suddenly filled the air and in the midst of the noise, a Jem’Hadar soldier entered the tent with its weapon at the ready. With a hand on his abdomen, Julian managed to get his phaser out and as he prepped it, Quark quickly produced a phaser and shot the soldier dead.

“I…I have to go help the others,” Julian spoke shakily as he stood and nearly doubled over because of the pain shooting through his entire body. “Oh… _oh my God_ … _it_ _hurts_.”

Swallowing hard, Julian staggered over to the opening of the tent with hand clutching his aching abdomen while his shoulders filled with pain. Bodies belonging to both Starfleet officers and Jem’Hadar were everywhere and he could hear whimpering, crying, and weak moaning.

_ They’re all dead.  _ Julian realized anxiously. _I’m all alone with Quark and Nog. Oh…oh no._

A Jem’Hadar soldier suddenly advanced from the shadows and raised its rifle at Julian, but it was suddenly felled from behind by weapons fire, “Doctor?” Captain Sisko’s voice suddenly called out.

Julian’s vision blurred briefly before he saw Sisko come into view with Reese, “The fight’s over,” Captain Sisko spoke in a concerned voice as he approached. “A lot of people died, but we’re…”

“You’re _bleeding_ ,” Reese observed, his eyes wide as he stared at Julian. “It’s all over you…”

Captain Sisko frowned at Julian, “You’re pregnant _again_?” he asked anxiously. “Why didn’t…?”

“I’m _not_ …” Julian managed to speak shakily. “I…I need to sit down… _dizzy_.”

Reese’s eyes widened and Julian suddenly found himself being walked back to the medical tent by him and Captain Sisko, “Sit down,” Captain Sisko spoke in a calming voice. “Easy does it…”

Julian sighed as he felt himself being sat back on the supply crate, “… _Captain, come in_ …” Worf’s voice suddenly echoed out of Sisko’s combadge. “ _The Defiant is back in orbit_ …”

Sisko was saying something, Julian could tell, but he suddenly couldn’t hear what was being said. As his world faded to black, Julian was also vaguely aware that someone was trying to talk to him.

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

“… _What’s a Cardassian fighter doing on a Federation starbase anyway_? _Aren’t the Cardies_ …?”

A hiss filled the air, “ _We’re in a war, you fool_ ,” a deeper voice snipped. “ _Your racist attitude…”_

“ _If you two are going to argue, you can go outside_!” Sisko’s voice suddenly spoke up.

Warmth filled Julian’s body as he slowly regained consciousness and saw Sisko, Miles, and an unfamiliar looking Cardassian in a military uniform standing in a group by an unfamiliar door. The Cardassian, who was facing him, suddenly paused, “Your friend is awake,” he said simply. 

Captain Sisko moved over to the bed and Julian suddenly looked scared, “Where am I?” Julian asked in a confused, quiet voice. “I’m feeling warm and I don’t recognize this place and I…a _dripfeed_?”

Suddenly noticing the dripfeed in his hand, Julian took a good look at himself and saw that he was dressed in what looked like hospital pajamas, “We…we were at AR-558,” he spoke shakily, his eyes wide as he tried to process where he was and why. “What am I _doing_ …is this a _hospital room_?”

“ _Please_ settle down or I’ll be forced to get your doctor,” the unfamiliar Cardassian replied in a firm voice as he approached the bed. “You apparently _passed out_ and almost _bled to death_ …”

Julian’s eyes widened in shock and the Cardassian sighed, “My apologies, I did not mean to frighten you,” he stated calmly. “My name is Jhanathan Dramok and I am a translator for Starbase 371. I _hate_ that the Cardassians are working with the Dominion, but if I were to _try and interfere_ …”

“So you do what Garak does?” Miles spoke up in a surprised voice. “How’d you even get to…?”

Jhanathan scoffed, “Captain Grayson put in a good word for me after I rescued her sister from Terok Nor,” he replied, keeping his eyes on Julian. “Would you like me to go tell your doctor you are up?”

“What happened?” Julian asked shakily, his expression confused. “I started feeling _off_ on the Defiant and I thought it was _nerves_ , but it just kept getting _worse_. I _don’t even remember_ coming here…”

Jhanathan sighed and looked at Captain Sisko, “Doctor, you had a _miscarriage_ ,” Captain Sisko explained in a quiet, concerned voice. “You passed out and Reese and I got you on the Veracruz…”

Julian paled, “I…I was _pregnant?_ ” he asked in a weak voice, his expression one of intense shock.

“It _wasn’t_ a viable pregnancy,” Captain Sisko replied gently. “That’s what the doctor here said…”

Tears filled Julian’s eyes and he suddenly closed his eyes, plunging into grief simply because he could do that. He didn’t _care_ who watched him cry; this was a _living nightmare_ and he _needed_ to cry.

“I just want to go back to Ricky,” Julian finally wept softly, keeping his eyes firmly closed.

Jhanathan sighed, “I will talk to your doctor about the idea,” he promised. “Just rest for now.”

As much as he didn’t want to rest anymore, Julian found himself quickly slipping back into sleep.

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

To Julian’s shock, his doctor turned out to be none other than Dr. Grayson and she was one of many doctors who floated between ships and stations to assist in the war effort. It wasn’t until much later in the day that she actually showed up at his room and by then, Miles had gone to eat and call Keiko.

Captain Sisko offered the doctor a smile as she came into the room, but Julian didn’t even look up from his blanket, “Jhanathan mentioned that you wanted to return to Deep Space Nine, but I wouldn’t recommend it at this time,” Dr. Grayson spoke in a concerned voice. “You lost a _lot_ of blood and _almost died_ because the ectopic pregnancy caused a fallopian tube to completely _rupture_ ….”

“I just _want_ my son,” Julian mused softly, sighing tiredly. “My _living, breathing, beautiful little son_.”

Dr. Grayson suddenly went very quiet, “Doctor, shh,” Captain Sisko spoke calmly as he got up and approached the bed. “We’re _trying_ to get you back to him as soon as we can, but you’re not _well_ …”

Julian teared up and began to sob quietly, prompting Sisko to gently embrace him, “I _didn’t know_ …I _really didn’t know_ ,” he wept in an anxiety-filled voice. “If I had _known_ , I _could have_ …”

“Doctor Bashir, an _ectopic pregnancy_ is _not sustainable_ even if you’re very careful,” Dr. Grayson explained in a gentle voice, her expression concerned. “There’s _nothing_ you could have done…”

Julian exhaled weakly and Sisko continued holding him as a father would a heartbroken, hurting child, “It’s all right,” Captain Sisko spoke calmly. “Doctor, I _promise_ we’ll go back as soon as you’re able.”

Numb with grief, all Julian could do was nod and continue to silently weep in Captain Sisko’s arms.

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

A week passed before Julian was allowed to leave Starbase 371 and Miles hadn’t been able to stay because the station needed his technical expertise, but Captain Sisko had stayed behind because despite being ordered to return to duty. Sisko knew that Julian needed help and that his time would be better spent making amends with Julian while he had the chance. After all, time was very precious and neither Dr. Grayson nor Jhanathan had much time to spend with Julian because they had their own duties. 

The two officers had managed to get a ride back to DS9 on a ship that was headed for the Front, but they had to share quarters. Neither truly minded, however, as it gave them a chance to talk, get the rest that they both needed, and not have to mingle with anyone they weren’t comfortable with. Sisko had his uniform, but Julian’s uniform was too damaged and he had been given simple civilian clothes at the hospital because he wasn’t to be on duty after his release and even once he got back to the station.

“Doctor, are you hungry?” Julian heard a voice ask calmly. “I got some stew from the Mess.”

Sighing, Julian lifted his head from the bunk where he had been resting and winced when he felt pain rocket up his body. Captain Sisko was standing beside him holding a small bowl of stew in his hands.

“I’ll try and eat, but it’s still not easy to sit up,” Julian spoke softly, wincing as he slowly sat up.

Captain Sisko nodded and he sat beside his CMO, “I wanted to _apologize_ for what I said after Jadzia’s death, Julian,” he spoke in a quiet voice as he helped Julian eat the stew. “It was _cruel_ and I shouldn’t have said it, but I was very angry about Jadzia’s death. Ricky has been a blessing and I should have…”

“I forgive you,” Julian spoke in a quiet voice, his expression sincere. “I _know_ you didn’t mean it.”

Captain Sisko sighed, “You’re probably wondering why I insisted on staying with you at this starbase when there’s so much to be done and I’ll tell you that I stayed because I’ve dealt with your type of situation before,” he explained, sighing when Julian pushed the empty bowl away. “Feel better?”

“A little,” Julian spoke in a quiet voice, his expression now somber. “What do you mean?”

Captain Sisko suddenly looked very somber, “I told you Jennifer had miscarriages, but I didn’t tell you that the last one was an ectopic that happened not long before Wolf 359,” he explained in a quiet voice, noting Julian’s surprised look. “She was still recovering on the day of the attack and that’s why she passed so quickly. Her body wasn’t strong enough to take the trauma of being pinned…”

Julian nodded and sighed weakly, “I admit, I’m worried that I won’t recover from any of this,” he confessed in a quiet voice. “My father gets out of prison this year and I’m sure he and my mother will be pushing for Starfleet to let Ricky come visit them. I know they’re worried about my mental state and my ability to raise a child, as is Starfleet. I haven’t forgotten that I’m on the watchlist…”

“Julian, I don’t know what’s going to happen after the war and I know Starfleet still has their doubts about your ability to be a parent, but you do actually have a say in what happens to Ricky if Starfleet does declare you unfit even temporarily,” Captain Sisko replied quietly. “You can admit that you’re aware of the situation and if Starfleet decides you need more parental fitness training without Ricky around, you can have an open foster situation established with someone you trust. Back when Starfleet told me about the petition your parents filed, I did some research into child welfare laws and learned about the open foster situation. Basically, Ricky would live with a foster family of your choice within a reasonable distance of Command and that family of your choice would see to meeting his needs, but you would still retain decision making power. It’s a very open situation and it’s what I’d advise.”

Dread filled Julian’s heart, “The question of my parental fitness isn’t ever going to go away, is it?” he realized in a sad voice, his expression trouble. “Things are just on hold because of the war. If it was no longer an issue, you wouldn’t be telling me any of this. What _exactly_ has Starfleet been telling you?”

“That they still very much intend to take your parents concerns seriously, but not until after the war is over,” Captain Sisko explained gently. “Given the issues with your parents, I doubt you want them...”

Julian shook his head, “Especially since Doctor Girani and I determined that Ricky is developmentally delayed,” he admitted softly. “And I trust Garak and Miles, but who knows what’s going to happen…”

“If you had a spouse, it would make it easier for Starfleet to drop this entire matter, but you don’t and I’m not recommending you get one just to get this issue dismissed,” Captain Sisko replied calmly.

A smirk filled Julian’s lips, “I’m not into shotgun weddings like Odo and Lwaxana Troi, either,” he admitted in a tired voice before the smirk faded. “I appreciate you telling me all of this.”

Suddenly, a chime filled the room, “ _Captain Sisko, Doctor Bashir, we’re approaching the docking ring at Deep Space Nine_ ,” a professional voice suddenly spoke. “ _The station has already signaled that they’re waiting at the airlock for your arrival. Please pack what you have and prepare to depart_.”

“I don’t really have anything,” Julian admitted softly. “The Defiant took everything.”

Captain Sisko responded by offering him a hand to help him up, “You have yourself,” he replied.

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

The door on to the Promenade opened and Julian was surprised and pleased to see Miles, Ezri, Worf, and Nurse Jabara with a hoverchair. He hadn’t expected to be welcomed back by anyone and couldn’t help but wonder if they knew the trauma he had personally endured during and after AR-558.

Each greeted him with a hug and words of welcome, but Julian quickly made a beeline for the hoverchair because his entire body hurt and needed a break. Captain Sisko offered a reassuring smile before walking off into the station to see Jake and Kasidy and also get back to work.

“How are you feeling?” Miles asked in a concerned voice, eyeing Julian worriedly. “You look tired.”

Julian sighed and then realized Miles might be able to help him with the foster situation idea Sisko had told him about, “A little tired,” he admitted softly. “Do you know how Ricky and Garak…?”

“Garak turned Ricky over to us a few days ago and said Starfleet needed him to do more work for the war,” Miles explained in a confused voice, frowning. “He…he _said_ he sent you a message about it.”

Wondering why Garak had suddenly handed Ricky off and why he seemed to be scarce, Julian frowned, “He _didn’t,_ ” he replied in a concerned voice. “I’ll have to talk to him later, but I could use a good long rest in my quarters right now. I know I should check in at the infirmary…”

“Actually, Julian, we were _hoping_ you’d stay with us during your recovery,” Miles spoke up calmly. “I was told you’ll still need a bit of time before you can go on duty and Ricky’s staying with us anyway, so you can be close to him. He’s been quite unhappy without you around, to tell you the truth.”

Julian nodded and sighed before gazing at Ezri, “Could I talk to you before I rest?” he asked quietly, suddenly feeling unready to face more people while he left his current burdens unspoken about.

Ezri nodded and quickly took control of the hoverchair, “We can talk in my office,” she replied softly.

Miles immediately looked worried, but he didn’t say anything as Ezri took Julian off down the Promenade to the counseling office. Worf and Nurse Jabara left soon thereafter, but Miles lingered briefly before silently making his way down the Promenade and into a side corridor. True to form, Garak was in his shop and working silently at a console wearing one a translator headset.

“Garak, Julian’s back,” Miles spoke in a quiet voice. “You told me to let you know when he was.”

Garak sighed, but continued his work, “And I’ll be shipping out at any time to return to Cardassia, so I don’t know why I did,” he replied in a quiet voice. “ _When_ I find Damar, my time here will be…”

“But you _love_ him and you _love_ Ricky,” Miles spoke quietly, frowning. “You _can’t_ just _give up_ …”

Garak scoffed, scowling as he turned to face Miles sporting an upset expression on his face, “I _can_ and I _will_ because it will be _easier_ for Julian if I do,” he replied in a dark voice. “I love him and I love his son dearly. I _wanted_ them to be my family so badly, but I love them enough to let them both go.”

“Does this have anything to do with the nasty letters you’ve been getting from Julian’s father?” Miles asked in a confused voice, sighing at Garak’s glare. “Odo’s been monitoring your communications and he asked me to ask you if you want me to make it so you don’t get any more messages from Richard.”

Garak sighed, “Julian may want a relationship with his parents someday for Ricky’s sake and I’m an _alien_ who used to do some very shady things,” he replied in a resigned voice. “Richard Bashir said that Julian falling in love with me was worse than him having the disabilities he had because my past will _always_ hold Julian and Ricky back. _God_ , the man is _worse_ than Tain, but…in a way…he’s _right_.”

Miles’s eyes widened and Garak turned back to the screen, “Unless you have a request for some tailoring work, please see yourself _out_ ,” Garak spoke in a lifeless voice, his expression sad. “I have a _lot of work_ to do and I _don’t need sentiment_ _clouding_ _my mind_. _This_ is the way things _must_ be.”

Stunned at Garak’s words, Miles left and it was only then that Garak let himself silently weep. The Cardassian _knew_ his actions would hurt Julian, but they could _never_ be together and be happy.

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

_ Had Garak heard of the miscarriage and of Sarina’s desire and decided that I wasn’t one to be associated with anymore?  _ Julian thought sadly to himself as he sat in his hoverchair, silently wondering why Garak had handed the responsibility of Ricky off and why he hadn’t come to the airlock that day.

“Doctor Bashir, are you all right?” Ezri asked in a concerned voice, bringing Julian out of his thoughts.

Julian sighed, suddenly remembering that he was still in Ezri’s office and was supposed to be talking about himself to her, “I’m sorry,” he lied softly. “It was a long trip and I think I’m getting tired.”

Almost immediately, Ezri could tell that Julian was lying, but she also knew he had been through several traumatic experiences in a short time and wouldn’t respond well if she pressed him, “I can walk you to the O’Brien’s quarters,” she offered, getting up. “You should get as much rest as possible.”

The kindness in Ezri’s expression and eyes prompted Julian to let himself smile, “Um, Lieutenant Dax, I was wondering if you wanted to continue our conversation over a meal or some sort of light activity in one of the holosuites once I’m feeling a little stronger?” he asked in a quiet, uncertain voice.

“Once you’re feeling stronger, sure,” Ezri replied, offering Julian a reassuring smile as she took control of the hoverchair. “In the meantime, though, get some rest and remember to be kind to yourself.”

Julian nodded and kept quiet as Ezri took him to the O’Brien’s quarters. He was received warmly by Keiko, as Miles was still on duty, and Keiko helped him settle on the couch. Ricky was playing in a playpen within his view and Julian’s attention went right to how wonderful his little son was.

Eventually, Miles came back from duty and Julian remained on the couch while Keiko got supper for herself, Molly, Yoshi, and Ricky. Miles, however, joined him on the couch with two full plates.

“I need to talk you about something,” Julian spoke softly as he picked at his small meal. 

Miles nodded, stuffing his face heartily while gazing at his friend intently, “On the way back from Starbase 371, Captain Sisko implied that there’s a chance Starfleet will revisit my parents’ request about having Ricky on Earth while my parental fitness is judged,” Julian spoke softly, his expression somber. “The Captain told me about how I could request that Ricky stay with foster parents of my choice instead if it ever came to it. I was wondering if you and Keiko would ever be willing to…?”

“I have no idea what’s going to happen after the war, but _of course_ we’d be willing to help you,” Miles replied in a concerned voice, knowing full well how uncomfortable Julian was around his parents and how uneasy he was about letting the learning-disabled Ricky around them. “What does that involve?”

Julian sighed, “I honestly don’t know much about it, but it would keep Ricky away from my parents and their prejudices,” he explained in a tired voice, his expression sad. “You’re right in that nobody knows what will happen after the war, but I’d feel better about being prepared ahead of time.”

“Well, Keiko and I will help you however we can, all right?” Miles promised softly. “Don’t worry.”

For the first time in a long time, Julian allowed himself to feel a sense of relief and reassurance that he was cared about. Even if things got harder, he could at least make sure his son would be safe and loved.


	16. Shattered

** April 2376 **

It had happened just as Sisko had predicted it would. When the war was over, Starfleet had re-evaluated his parents’ request for Ricky to visit Earth, but Julian had been ready for it.

Shortly after Captain Sisko had disappeared while on Bajor, Julian had been sent paperwork requesting that Ricky be sent to Richard and Amsha on Earth indefinitely and that once he was in a ‘stable’ situation, he could request custody again. Julian, however, had responded with paperwork proving that he had requested Miles and Keiko to serve as Ricky’s foster parents since they would be moving back to Earth for Miles’s new position at the Academy.

And now, as Starfleet had accepted Julian’s fostering request, Julian was sitting in his quarters with Ricky on his lap preparing to say goodbye the best way he knew how. The things that Ricky would need had been packed in containers so that Miles and Keiko could take them to Earth. Ricky still wasn’t talking, but he would get very upset if he didn’t have familiar things around, Julian knew, so he had painstakingly packed them. At least he would have the photos.

Despite Julian’s careful preparations, Ricky wasn’t happy that day and so it was that Julian was using the little time he had left with his son to rock him gently, “I hope you’re safe,” he spoke in a quiet, trembling voice. “Hopefully, I’ll be able to get you back soon. I’m going to _miss_ you…”

The door chime sounded and Julian sighed, “Come in,” he spoke, a sadness in his voice.

Instead of Miles and Keiko coming in, it was Ezri, “I thought you and Ricky might want some company until Chief O’Brien arrives on the runabout,” she offered softly. “Is that all right?”

“Have I ever said no to you, Ezri?” Julian asked softly. “By the way, thank you for yesterday.”

Ezri smiled, “It’s not every day that Ricky turns two,” she replied in a kind voice. “It wasn’t any trouble for me to organize a children’s party at Vic’s. I thought it would be better than Quark’s because the Holosuite can be changed easier. Besides, I don’t think Vic minded at all.”

“ _Colonel Kira to Doctor Bashir_ ,” a voice suddenly filled the air. “ _The runabout’s here_.”

Julian sighed heavily, “Do you want me to help you with Ricky’s things?” Ezri asked softly.

“No, but could I ask you to go meet Miles at the docking ring?” Julian asked softly, his expression one of quiet pleading. “I want to sit with Ricky a little while longer.”

Ezri nodded, “Um, Julian, we should probably talk later,” she spoke in a hesitant voice.

An uneasiness filled Julian, but he nodded and focused on rocking Ricky as Ezri left the room.

Ricky gazed up at Julian and quieted, as if he could sense his father’s sadness, “I love you,” Julian spoke in a trembling voice, holding Ricky close as he stood. “Time to dress you up.”

Tears filled Julian’s eyes, but he busied himself dressing Ricky in the clothes he thought would be best for ‘separation day’. The door chime sounded at the same time Julian finished.

“Come in,” Julian spoke, his voice falsely steady because he knew who it would be.

The doors slid open and Ezri came into the room with Miles, “Hi,” Julian spoke softly, the expression on his face betraying the anxiety he felt. “How was the journey from Earth?”

“We’ve got Ricky a bed in the same room as Yoshi because you said Ricky shared a room with you and doesn’t like having his own room,” Miles spoke calmly. “The journey was long.”

Julian nodded and Miles promptly picked up the handles of the two storage containers Julian had packed, “I’ll carry these and you can hold Ricky for a little longer,” Miles stated calmly. 

“I’ll see you for dinner later, Julian,” Ezri spoke calmly. “You two should hang out.”

It was only after Ezri left that Julian let out a weak sigh, “Let’s go,” he said in a weary voice.

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

As they approached the airlock, Julian was surprised to find Kira waiting there for them, “Well, I guess this is _goodbye_ ,” Julian spoke in a quiet voice. “I’m sure you have to get back…”

“Unfortunately, I do,” Miles admitted with a sigh. “Finals are next week. I’ll load the bags and give you another minute to say goodbye to Ricky. I’ll also get you your documents.”

Kira looked at Julian while Miles moved into the airlock to stash the bags, “Documents?” she asked in a confused voice. “Why does Starfleet even want to take your son away from you?”

“They’ve been watching me ever since my emergency transfer to Starbase 375, but they held off because there was a war and because Sisko vouched for my mental fitness,” Julian explained in a solemn voice, his expression sad. “Now that he’s gone, they think I don’t have the capacity to raise a child without help. Captain Sisko saw it coming and hence, why I reached out to Miles.”

Kira frowned, “Starfleet shouldn’t be separating children from their parents just because one or both have issues,” she replied in a disgusted voice. “Wasn’t there anything you could do to…?”

“It was either Miles or my parents and my parents would have treated Ricky like an _experiment_ or a _burden_ because he’s developmentally delayed,” Julian interrupted in an upset voice.

Nodding, Kira sighed as Miles returned and Julian gently delivered both a hug and a kiss to Ricky before handing him over to Miles and taking the tablet of paperwork from his friend that Starfleet had sent for his eyes only, “Daddy loves you, Ricky,” Julian spoke softly, his expression carefully neutral. “Miles, I’ll do my best to get him back as soon as possible.”

“I _know_ you will,” Miles replied reassuringly, offering Julian and Kira smiles before he left.

The airlock door closed quickly and Julian’s face crumbled as he turned away from it, “Do you want to sit in Quark’s and talk?” Kira asked quietly, placing a hand on Julian’s arm.

“I should _probably_ find something to do,” Julian spoke in a subdued, shaky voice. “I….”

A sob escaped Julian’s throat and even though Kira wasn’t normally one for public gestures of affection, she embraced her friend and allowed him to cry. Life hadn’t been fair to Julian at all, Kira reasoned, and she hadn’t been able to do anything about it, but she could comfort him now.

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

Ezri had never shown up for dinner, so Julian had gone to Vic’s alone and had indulged in a simple salad while listening to old jazz. He had then worked in Sickbay until late into the night, silently going over the things he would need to prove to Starfleet before regaining custody.

After reading through the document, Julian had penned a letter to Garak and then had saved it on his personal PADD because he didn’t know where to send it. Another two hours was spent looking at pictures of Ricky and hoping that the O’Briens would be a good foster family for him.

When Julian was finally tired enough to go to bed, he retired to his quarters and frowned when he found them both silent and empty. He found it odd because Ezri usually spent nights with him and Ricky and it was well past time for her to be there…even if it was just the two of them now.

The feeling of uneasiness returned as Julian changed into his pajamas and retreated to bed with only Kukulaka for company. It was somewhat scary sleeping alone, he thought to himself; he was _used_ to having Ezri in bed with him and Ricky near the bed in the crib. Such quiet was frightening and was triggering memories of being alone at the internment camp.

Ultimately, Julian found himself unable to fall asleep and so he got up again and moved to the couch with Kukulaka in his arms. The bear wasn’t the same as Ricky, but at least nobody would try to take Kukulaka away from him because his mental state wasn’t what it should be.

Suddenly, the door chime rang, “Come,” Julian spoke in a tired voice, his expression somber.

The doors slid open and Kira came in holding two PADDs, “We got new orders just now,” she said in a quiet voice. “Federation vessels are being dispatched from Earth to help in the restoration efforts on Cardassia now that the Cardassians have finished burying their dead. They’ll be stopping here on their way here to make sure their officers are fit to serve in a humanitarian capacity…”

“Oh, I guess Ezri and I will be busy for a while, then,” Julian replied as he rose and walked over to her to see the PADDs she was holding. “I assume one of those is a copy of the orders for me?”

At the mention of Ezri, Kira looked uneasy, “Julian, this other PADD is a letter Ezri wrote for me to give to you,” she explained in a concerned voice, frowning. “She…she left on the last runabout of the day.”

“Ezri…Ezri’s _gone_?” Julian replied, frowning because he was certain he hadn’t heard right. “ _What_?!”

Kira nodded and handed Julian the two PADD’s, “Ezri didn’t know how to tell you, so she wrote me a letter and asked me to deliver it,” she explained in a quiet voice. “She was worried about upsetting you.”

Realizing that breaking down in tears or getting angry would _not_ help his case with Starfleet, Julian assumed a neutral expression and nodded, “Thank you for informing me, Colonel,” he replied softly. “When are the first ships destined for Cardassia due to arrive so I can be ready for them?”

“Within the next 48 hours,” Kira replied calmly, not liking that Julian had shut himself off emotionally.

Julian nodded, “I’ll start preparing my staff and the infirmary in the morning,” he replied in a professional voice, realizing that he had nothing left to him but work. “Thank you for letting me know, Colonel.”

Deeply concerned for her friend now that he had lost nearly everything except for his work, Kira nodded silently and left. Once alone, Julian sighed and winced as he felt what was left of his heart break. Everyone he had loved had either left or had been taken away from him. He was alone…truly alone.


End file.
